A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went on a first date which I had been really looking forward to. It was a guy I met via a dating app and the chat before had been really good. However within the first 5 seconds of meeting, I knew I wasn't attracted to him at all. The date itself was fine, we do actually have a lot in common so the conversation flowed really well. In fact, I don't think I've ever been on a date with someone who was so easy to talk. The problem was, I found it all a bit bland. Although we had a lot to talk about and there was no awkward silences, I found the date a bit boring and I felt no physical attraction towards him at all. The last guy I was with, we had incredible instant chemistry, sparks, fireworks and all that! I really really fancied him and I remember feeling literally buzzing after our first date. I couldn't wait to see him again. Now I know it's possible to feel this way after a first date, are my expectations too high?The guy has asked to see me again but I feel no excitement about the prospect of a second date, should I give him another chance?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2020): You know your mind, you are right, if the meet is about dating and falling in love and having a relationship it is pointless. Of course you are biased, of course you need those fireworks, of course you compare it, you would be stupid not to.
But why worry about it? Just refuse to meet him again, end of.
Sounds as if he might make you a good friend rather than a partner or lover, the trouble is if you tell a guy it is friends only they always start to persuade you to change your mind or go along with it in the hope of.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): You shouldn't compare individuals to others. That's having bias. You hardly know the guy. What happened to the one with all the flying sparks and chemistry? Did he compare you to someone else, and set his expectations accordingly? Why didn't he want another date?
Always remember, it goes two-ways! He's also evaluating the time he spent with you! Boredom wasn't necessarily his fault. You simply preferred the one that got-away!
How do you assess attraction in the span of only 5 seconds??? I have to know whom I'm dealing with before I know exactly how I feel about them. I can't imagine doing it so quickly. I've had immediate sparks and chemistry with people that fizzled-out; because I got to know them better.
I gather you just didn't like his looks.
If you have no attraction to him, and you've written him off so quickly, then what's the point of another date?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2020):
 What will it hurt to go on a second date?
Sparks and fireworks doesn't equal a GREAT match. Just chemistry.
Maybe it does come down to you having way too high expectations because the chats went so well that it just didn't live up to reality?
With that said, if it FELT like a total dud, I would wish him well and move on. Don't waste his time OR yours.
If you just aren't sure, I'd go on a second date and decide after that.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (27 August 2020):
 A lot of people go on a first date, and if the feeling or the spark is not there decide not to embark on a second date. Or some people go for a second date so see if a spark arises.
The chances are that if you go on a second date with him, it is going to be similar to the first date. He will be over the moon that he got a second date, and you will be just going to see if a spark materialises.
You are looking for instant chemistry, sparks, fireworks, like you had with the last guy you dated.
You are not feeling it with this guy from the first date, so i don't think you will from the second date, to i don't think its worth building his hopes up, when i think you know you are not going to get the spark.
I would be totally honest with him, and say your sorry, but you were just not feeling it, and wish him good luck in his search for meeting someone.
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