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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: When I was a child, I was molested by a Male relative (not my dad). I used to scorn myself. I couldn't touch down there when I took a bath. I just used the soap bar and the faucet/shower head. At that young age of 10, I never felt aroused just a tickling sensation that made me laugh. When two of my close female cousins came for the vacation, we all took a bath together and I used to wash myself with the shower head and they found it was weird and I told them it's fun and tickles, so they both tried it and laughed. As time when by, I continued to use the shower head. Until it made me aroused. I just could not stop and saw myself as a freak and was embarrassed. I met my husband at 18, got married at 24, and never told husband about this addiction. One day, I told him my secret, how I masturbated using the shower head. He never made me feel bad but i told him i needed to stop cause it makes me feel like a freak after. Then I saw memes of other women doing the same thing, I didn't know it was a "thing". I still felt guilty every time I do it. Every single time we have sex, I must use this shower head right after, unless we cuddle or fall asleep when we're done. One day, my husband and I had an argument and I just went and took a bath and masturbated, he was passing by the bathroom and he saw me and he got so aroused, that was the first time he saw me do it. All the anger he had went away and he came to have make up sex. I was so ashamed of myself knowing he saw me, but I was already aroused and we had sex. I told him I need to stop. I am ashamed to tell him that I still do this. He knows I do it when I go in the bathroom and after we have sex. Should I feel guilty for masturbating this way? Should I confront my husband of this addiction? He does not seem to mind, but every time I do it, I feel guilty.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2020): Everything you're doing is normal and healthy except for the feeling guilty part. Us guys love watching wives masturbate, your husband is normal too. It's the watching wife with another man fantasy,light version, whiteout all the embarrassment and guilt afterwards. A little bit naughty is a good thing.
But maybe you should see a professional about being molested as a child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2020): I think it all has to do with being molested. You may feel guilty because you feel dirty and because you enjoy it. And being molested is a very bad thing. It triggers memories of somebody else touching your private parts who wasn't invited. So I think you're equating them touching you with you enjoying the sensation. But you shouldn't be enjoying it because it was wrong and that person was hurting you. And you're also dealing with shame. You were molested and shouldn't enjoy the sensations. That's what you're subconsciously telling yourself. You may even be blaming yourself, wondering if you did something to encourage the molestation by another individual. You did not. Masturbation is very normal. There is nothing wrong with you for doing it or enjoying it by yourself or after sex with your husband or even together with your husband. Mutual masturbation can be a huge turn on.
I think you need to talk to a professional because you're having many unresolved feelings. You have no reason to feel guilty about anything. You are a normal woman with a healthy sexual appetite and desires. I'm sorry you went through that. It leaves an imprint on your soul. Changes you. But you deserve to be happy and have a happy life and marriage. I think seeing a therapist is going to help you feel better about yourself and help remove this awful anchor that has been weighing you down. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2020): There is nothing wrong with masturbation.
I assume you never got therapy for the abuse you suffered as a child? You should seek it out. Probably a pro can help you get over your negative feelings associated with masturbation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2020): There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. The problems are: your guilt, the trauma from your abuse, and the lack of communication with your husband.
I really think you could use the help of a good therapist who has worked with sexual abuse victims also a marriage counselor. Talk to your OBGYN you don't have to go into detail. Just explain what happened when you were a child and ask him/her for a referral.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (28 August 2020):
 A lot of women have difficulty reaching orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Many of then use other methods either during foreplay or after sex to reach that Orgasm.
In your post you had successful make up sex with your husband after he observed you masturbating with water. when we remove your guilt and emotion from this story it is a lot like a loving couple engaging in foreplay and reaching orgasm together (one following the other). You are suffering some shame, not so much from this, but from your childhood abuse.
So we have 2 things to address here. First the bad part. You have a lot of shame and guilt around sex, that is left over from your childhood sexual trauma. This is normal, and you should get some help in therapy to treat this. with some professional aid you will come to see that you are not the guilty party but rather the victim of a very bad person. Intellectually that is easy to accept, but deep in your emotion you need help to forgive yourself and put that guilt where it belongs. Gey that help, please.
Next, masturbation is generally only a problem if it is affecting your sexual connection to your partner. In your case you feel that it is something that you don't want interrupting your connection to your partner. Masturbation is not the same as mutual sex. But in your case you turn to masturbation after shared sex to finish getting off. I don't think you should give up getting off, but I see no reason that you can't invite your husband to share that joy with you, making it part of shared sex. I would advise starting with your orgasm first, because male ejaculation is typically followed quickly by a tired period of relaxation where he won't be interested in sex. (ladies first)
If you can't bring yourself to share this with him (and I can see that this could easily be a problem) it is also something that a therapist can help you with. Sex therapist or couples counseling possibly?
Anyway What you are describing here is very typical for a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. It would be very unusual for you to be able to fix this yourself. Getting help is nothing to be ashamed of. You came to some strangers on the internet, that was pretty brave. Don't be afraid to take the next step.
FA
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