A
female
age
26-29,
*ost-in-love
writes:Dear CupidI have never had a boyfriend, never had a guy ask me out, and have been rejected by every guy that I end up liking. All of my friends have had boyfriends except me, and I feel left out. To top it all off, the guy I currently like doesn't know I exist and the other one only see's me as a friend. I am stumped on what to do! Do you think that me having a low self esteem is giving off a bad vibe to guys? Or do they actually see me as fat and ugly. Also, if a guy does call me fat and ugly, does he actually mean it or is it just to get me to never talk to him again?~lost-in-love
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): No OP they don't think you're fat and ugly and if anyone says that to you they're just being a dickhead and trying to hurt you, a person like that's opinion is irrelevant so pay no attention and just tell them to fuck off.
Does low self esteem give off a bad vibe? No, but it can make a person very inside themselves and it can make it hard to get know someone. I mean it's pretty hard for a person with low self esteem to believe you really like them because they can't see how it is possible.
OP I know it's pretty much impossible seeing as teenage girls are obsessed with boys, but try to focus on enjoying your life and not letting having a boyfriend be so important to you.
Not only is it nothing to do with whether boys like you or not so it shouldn't affect your self-esteem that way but at your age it's the least important thing in the world. It's not a pissing contest OP, it's not a need. Live your life at your pace and when you're ready to date boys and stuff it'll happen on its own. When you hear friends talk about their boyfriend or boys etc. don't feel bad, just listen. Learn from their mistakes and that way when it does happen for you you won't get caught out like a lot of them have been, you'll see OP.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): Hi!Firstly would you ever call someone fat and ugly? Guessing no because it's a nasty, ignorant thing to call someone... And you don't seem like that kind of person. We all have our types, some men go for skinny blondes, some for plus sizes, some for pale skin and long necks, some for curvy brunettes... What someone finds beautiful is very subjective...Physical appearance doesn't determine self worth or how much someone will love you. You are not fat and ugly. You may be able to get into better shape, but don't do it for some small, short sighted, poisonous rat that calls you horrible names just to HURT you... Because you'd wan2 know someone like that, really? He's all roses and charm himself isn't he? He doesn't deserve any emotion from you... Except a good smack!You have a very low self esteem definitely... Because why else would you think this foul person is worth more than you? Like he has ANY right to verbally attack you like this?? Like ANYONE does. Youre right, while you're unhappy in yourself you're not going to have happy relation ships or a happy life...But ya know there's a huge army out there with low self, esteem, depression, social phobias, extreme insecurities... And it's something that you're NOT going to be stuck with, believe me... You are one of billions and there's shedloads of therapy out there that I strongly advise you to get... Whatever you can get at first. Is there a school counsellor? You'd be surprised at how many "popular" kids saw the counsellor at my school... I used to get the register and all the notes used to slip out! If s/he doesn't give you the help you need, then I advise you turning to your mum/ dad- this is not patronising.... I am incredibly blessed to have an extremely caring mum that I can cry into her arms about anything... I used to have major nervous breakdowns and just don't know what I would have done without my close friends, and mainly my mum. She got me all this help, we went to the doctors together- who referred is to many different therapists, many of which were absolute s**t, many who were all the help in the world...There's nothing wrong with you- were all a bag of chemicals and we all work differently... I used to have serious anxiety but it's got a lot better as I've tried different therapies, tried to live healthier, and eventually just grown out of it, developed coping mechanisms... I'm s**t scared of getting into a relationship... I just can't handle the pain of rejection... I'm still trying to come to terms with it, but kindof setting myself back a bit recently... I've stopped exercising (I used to be overweight amd unfit n only started exercising when I was recovering from my first serious depression episode) have recently been drinking more, and haven't talked to a therapist for way too long... But you can do something about it believe me..The first step to dealing with anything life throws at you is learning to value and love yourself... You're wonderful! Everyone's got strengths, even evil people I guess...! :/ there are more then would like to believe out there ;( Write down.Talk to your mum and try and make your priority getting some therapy- seriously relationships are the LAST thing you want to be worrying about in this state... Post an update! Xxx
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A
female
reader, Blod  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 First off, chill out. Although this is clearly bothering you, it's not something you should be worrying about. You should be having fun with friends. Boys can come later.
To answer your question, I find that self esteem does influence the way boys look at girls and vice versa. Generally, confident people seem more attractive (everyone wants to be that sure of themselves) and those who worry about the way they come across tend to find it harder to get things going when they meet someone they like. But if a guy does genuinely like a girl, her self esteem shouldn't be a huge issue - at least not with asking her out! It's their confidence that's the main factor there!
I doubt anyone sees you as fat and ugly, and if anyone has said that to you - ignore them. There's no point hanging around with people who bring you down, even if you like them. Otherwise you'll just feel worse about yourself. At your age, boys are more immature than girls and often say stupid and harsh things without thinking that they don't actually mean. Don't take any of it seriously and forgot about them. They'll grow up one day.
Just remember that self esteem and the way you feel about yourself is all in your head. Concentrate on the people that make you happy and embrace every friendship. You have plenty of time to find a boyfriend and you will get one! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 Friends are nice! Nurture the frienship! From every rosebush a rose does grow.
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