A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I play this? My boyfriend has broken up with me. He is in the process of divorcing his previous partner and has discovered in our relationship that he has not moved forward emotionally as much as he though he had - he keeps worrying that our patterns are becoming too similar to his and his wives and this has scared him and made me retreat into himself. He says that he is not being himself in this relationship and is not treating me as I deserve to be treated. He has suggested that we spent some time as friends, going out and having fun, and that we reassess whether we would still like to give it a try after a couple of months. I understand where he's coming from and really care for him. I want him to be happy, to be able to work his issues out - and to be a friend to him during this time. But I also have very strong romantic feelings for him and I already miss him terribly. I'm worried that I'm going to hope so much that he will give us another try - and then find it very difficult it at the end of it he says he just wants to be friends. I'm wondering if anyone who has been through a divorce could offer me some guidance on how to deal with this situation - how to support my friend and offer him love, as a friend, without setting myself up for disappointment. But at the same time I can't just cancel out my romantic feelings for him and I really hope that he will come back to me if and when he can. Any advice would be much appreciated.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Hi,
Even if a marriage has been bad people going through a divorce have a lot of negative emotional stuff, (anger, shock, regret, despair, etc), to deal with, and he's doing the fair thing by being so honest about his feelings, (which means he must genuinely like you and respect you). The best thing you can do is back off as much as you can without making him feel like you have no time for him. For as long as he's going through those emotions he wont have much to offer you, so you're best off to lend a listening ear if he needs it, but don't be available in the romantic sense because if you are you'll never know whether he chose you because he really cared for you or because he just needed someone to lean on. In the meantime, tell yourself that it's over and make the effort to go out with other people, and that way if he doesn't come back to you it wont't be so hard to deal with. Good luck, I hope he comes back. :)
A
female
reader, Roadster73 +, writes (19 November 2009):
 give him space..and a friendly ear when needed...that's all you can do!! Good luck
...............................
|
