A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What can I do to improve my reputation?Now that I am feeling stronger after a bad divorce and can take stock of my life, looking back I see a trail of people I have disenchanted and alienated since my twenties in both my personal and professional life. Some I would like to attribute to my own failed marriage, a shocking and traumatic experience, my parents own divorce when I was a young adult of 23/24 and to being an ethnic minority and therefore approaching life differently to those around me. If I'm honest I would say that these life changing episodes rendered me so low that I am emotionally unable to cope and have become insenstive to the needs to of other people, particularly during my own divorce. All to frequently I feel socially excluded and inept which I (mis)handle by isolating myself leading to reduced confidence. How can I turn this around? And how do I find the emotional intelligence to manage my own emotions so that they do not spill over into other areas of my life?
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male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (2 March 2009):
Slowly contact some of these people from your past, and say that you were just thinking about X, and that you realize you were out of line, and that you're sorry. You'd be amazed at how poistively people will react. Do it via Facebook or email if that's easier (... Caution: careful what you put in writing though!! You should be more vague in writing versus phone call.)
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (2 March 2009):
 I would say, in addition to seeking professional conventional therapy (psychologists/psychiatrists), you can also do a number of things like:
- learning and joining tai chi groups
- learning martial arts or joining a gym, or learning tae-bo (also martial arts) to channel some raging energy if you still have them (plus they are good for physical training anyways)
- volunteering in shelters (for abused women or children), nursing homes, or community centers that help with special needs or troubled children
- take some night classes on certain topics that you think would help you heal yourself, be it a cooking class (some actually have nice single male mature students), painting, writing, accounting/book keeping, etc etc. look it up in your local colleges/universities/community centers, or google.
- ask for forgiveness to those you think you have wronged. Be honest, and unless they asked specifically why, do not get into details. Just say "I am sorry I had done bad things in the past, and I know it was wrong. Will you forgive me?" This is not easy to do. It takes courage and strength and humility. Some would readily forgive you, some may not. Some may not even remembered you did anything wrong! Then you can continue from there, with a positive approach too.
Why? You can "reflect" upon yourself, as well as helping those based on your what you have experienced in your past. But, you need to be a strong person to do this. To provide [professional] advice you may need to be trained first, otherwise, it can pull you down even more.
You are blessed with now realizing that you have hurt some people in the past. Some people live on without caring to know that they have wronged others. You now have time to make up for it, without making excuses of why you had alienated some caring people in the past.
You had hardships for a long time, so it might take a while for you to heal also. But more importantly, you want to change because you realize you want to be a better person yourself. Not because someone told you to do it. When you are healed and begins to transmit positive energy, from being at peace with yourself, you will draw positive people toward you.
Good luck, and be positive!
Cat
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