A
male
age
36-40,
Finn
writes:What's difficult about retrograde jealousy, is that it really has little to do with person towards whom you're directing those feelings. If you're a jealous person, then you'll find a reason to be jealous. It's true, isn't it? Imagine Jesus' parents.Joseph (pacing, running hands through hair): I'm supposed to get married while you're pregnant while someone else's baby?Mary (upset, hands reaching out to Jos., pleading): There was nothing i could do.Joseph: Nothing? Nothing you could do? You couldn't have said no? No was too difficult to come up with at the moment?Mary (exasperated): Sweetie, it was God for crissakes!Joseph: So what you're saying is that my fiancee is a sucker for guys with power...Arguing doesn't work. Finding the "right" girl doesn't work. And avoiding relationships isn't going to work either.Here's something that will, though. Follow these steps and the jealousy will begin to subside. And if it doesn't work, you have 30 days to return all of the information I'm giving you for free and get a full refund of all the money you paid for it.Step 1. Go out into public. No, your front yard is not public. Go where there are people.Step 2. Say hi to someone of the opposite sex. Smile at that person. (Note: if you are gay/lesbian, skip this step and move onto step 2a.)Step 2a. Say hi to someone of the same sex. Smile at that person. (Note: this step is only for gay/lesbian people).Step 3. Flirt with this person. This is the most difficult step, probably, because if you're jealous, it's most likely that you are insecure as well. But there's nothing to fear; people take it as a compliment when you flirt with them, even if you really are a total loser. So rest assured.Here are a few suggestions for flirting if you are a novice. Pay a compliment to the person. Make sure to keep it light. (Good compliments to open with: "That's a nice tattoo. I don't think I've ever seen one exactly like that." or "I like your shoes. They give you a sort of hip, cool look." Bad compliment to open with: "I, like, really really like your boobies.")Instead of a compliment, you can begin flirting by teasing a person playfully. "Playfully" is the key word, here. Telling someone he is ugly will not get you a laugh. However, smiling and commenting on the size of a girl's bag and asking her if she's really a kleptomaniac, win you a tee-hee. Unless she really is a kleptomaniac, in which case it's best to abort.Step 4. When you see the person smile and flirt back, do NOT say, "Wow, that was easy." Step 5. Say goodbye and walk away. Unless, of course, your last significant other has already dumped you for being clingy and oppressive... in which case, see if this new person is interested in finding out how clingy and oppressive you can be.What all this boils down to is that jealousy is really rooted in feelings of unsexiness and unworthiness. Flirting is a great opportunity to experience other people responding to you in a sexual way. This, in turn, will make you feel sexy. And the sexier you feel, the less you'll be concerned with your significant other looking at someone or talking to someone or having a sexual past or his or her own.
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fiance, flirt, insecure, jealous, money, move on, sexual past, tattoo, teasing Reply to this Article
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female
reader, rosecocca20 +, writes (31 December 2010):
there is nothing to be jealous about...i do have man look at me .but i only say hello...when i was young i had boyfriends writing from the navy...but is only friends...i had a guy in building i live in (frankie) fixing thinks any would you belive he started to write to me....sending letters..but i never wrote him back....but are the only one i wrote you even though i dont remember..it has to be taht im in love with you...i have to set up things before i get married....
A
male
reader, Jason Michael  +, writes (18 December 2010):
Dear friend, you are right and you are wrong. Your humorous allusion to the Nativity scene was nice, but there are few documented cases of virginal conception. There are even fewer Joseph's in this world who would be entirely kosher with their girlfriend becoming pregnant to 'someone else.'
Not always does retro-active jealousy (seducer manqué) stem from a jealous disposition. You are however correct in your assessment that such emotions have nothing to do with the other person involved. Seducer manqué is a common emotional response in human relationships, it is not the healthiest emotion, but is not abnormal either. It is healthy to acknowledge it and begin to explore its roots in one's own psyché. This may come, as you have said, from a sense of insecurity, but it may also have other roots. A sense of love and loss in the relationship (healthy but requiring thought), or a chronic jealousy (most unhealthy and in need of assistance).
We are complex creatures, for sure. We must come to realise that we have an interiority which we are not in complete control of, and an exteriority which we manage. It is our task in good mental hygiene to explore our interiority and help it engage our exteriority in a healthy manner. You suggestion to flirt with others certainly has a great deal of merit, well done.
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