A
female
age
36-40,
*utterfliesarefree
writes:I have decided to end my long-term affair. He is married and I am in a 10 year long term relationship. We have three children between us. I don't want to go into all the details (my last question described much of it) but I've decided I've had enough.We slept together for the first time around three months ago and since then he has been distant. He's called me once and although it was a good call I always have to initiate contact, through texts messages, he never gets in touch.Last night he told me he wants to see me but can't for a few weeks. I'm tired of the constant rejection I feel. I want to get over him and concentrate on my real partner like I should have been doing all along but this other guy is on my mind all the time.I've tried keeping busy, even remodelling my house, everything to keep my mind off him but its not working.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): I feel for you...remodelling your house, keeping busy etc etc...nothing works....Just time is the healer I'm afraid. You will be up and down for a while. Your 10 yr relationship? is it just comfort zone and easy? ask yourself these questions...are you strong enough to go it alone or will you stay because the affair is over. I am where you are at...It's horrible, painful and confusing. Good luck my dear....I think you need lots of you time with girlfriends...not going out etc...but girlie nights in for meals and fun...Try it....it may work for a while to ease your pain....but time...time is the healer..x
A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (18 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am serious about changing my life but I also have 2 children to consider and cannot just drop things b/c I feel like it I have to sort things out but I feel I owe it to my children to go about it in the right way
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): "...maybe after christmas I will look at my options...."
wrong answer. by xmas u will be sucked inagain. your response shows that u are not serious about changing your life.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Sadly all the time your living in a long term relationship where you view him as just a friend - your missing out on your chance of a truly for-filling relationship.
You will survive finacially, it will be very difficult but your make it and your be happier because of it!
I wish you luck x
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (17 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI believe you are right and maybe after christmas I will look at my options but as of now I just cannot get this man out of my head he has been in my life for years and have always thought of him as "the one" but he's getting on with his own life and since he only sees me as "fun" I think I need to move on with mine but its so hard he's all I think about
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 September 2011):
I know financially, you might be in trouble. But I think you're living in a relationship that is going nowhere. There is help (even with our country going to the dogs), so that you won't be left homeless. It's such a bad idea for you to stay with a man who is somewhat dangerous and one where you only see him as a friend.
I think you need to move on from all these men and get your own life back on track. As for escape routes, all escapes are done alone in the end. If you want out, never rely on anyone but yourself. You'll be far better off if you get away
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A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (17 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is a good man but he has changed so much since we first got together mainly due to him smoking cannabis (not around the children) I want to be happy with him but his mood swings make him hard to handle I think I saw this other guy as my escape route but now I have to do it alone.
Financially I cannot afford to live alone I see my long term partner more as a friend than anything else right now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 September 2011):
Perhaps the time has come for you to seriously look at your own relationship. That 10 year one seems to be done to be honest. You say you've tried to keep busy by doing such things as remodelling your house and such. But you don't mention anything that you've done to make your relationship with your partner any better.
Write down 5 good reasons to stay with your partner, and put them on here.
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