A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for over a month now, I met him on the rebound from a disastrous 6 month relationship and wasn't sure about getting involved in the first place but I kind of got carried away as we were having so much fun together. We get on really well, have loads in common, he's a great kisser and sensual lover.The problems I'm having is:A)I'm not strongly physically attracted to him - I'm a rather tall broad shouldered woman and he is just my height and quite slight. I really crave a man to be larger and stronger than me. I know that sounds shallow but it's kind of to do with my own insecurities as well. A larger man makes me feel smaller and more feminine.. This guy just isn't my physical type. B) He seems way too keen on me already - he jokes about running away and getting married, having kids, getting a cottage together up north and asking what kind of dogs we should get. I know he is just messing around but it makes me feel bit strange. He also hinted that he is falling in love with me and I just don't feel the sameC) He is an artist and although scrapes a living together from him work (which is so beautiful and I really love!) I don't think he would be able to provide for us if we had children. That may sound mercenary but if I have kids I really want to be able to be a stay at home mum for a few years and not struggle financially. D)I think I need to be single just now as we have been spending most our free time together and its distracting me from getting on with my own projects. I need to work hard at my career just now, I also want to take better care of my health (sleeping better/drinking less/exercising more) and find that spending time with him has been holding me back in that respect.I've been single before for significant periods and I am pretty good at it. I'll probably regret ending this relationship as he's treated me nicer than any man I've ever met before has but can't shake the feeling that I need to be single again for the foreseeable future.Should I be brutally honest , or sparingly honest or mostly kind (its not you it's me) when I end it? I really don't want to hurt him as he is an amazing and lovely guy.Thanks for any opinions and advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): I compeltely understand where you are coming from. I suggest you hint to breaking up with him before you do. Normally when I break up with someone I'm blunt but nice. I don't do a cleshay "Its not you, its me". Those are.. don't say those they aren't fair to the person. I did it once and it was a horrible break up. He sent a freind to ask me why I broke up after. I mean I've had a lot of horrible break ups but normally its what happens after, like a few months afer we break up that I do something dumb to them and then they hate me. Not the point when you break up with a nice guy, try to keep them in your life. Be blunt and say like I'm not into you in that way but you are a good person. I normally point out their good traits and then tell them I just want to be friends. I'm the type of personal as well who yearns to be single when I am in relationships sometime, I normally tell them that too so they undersyand it really isn't how they treat me or anything. Good luck! be nice, blunt, give some reason, but leave out the not physically attracted part. Be selectivly honest.
A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (17 September 2011):
Don't say 'It's not you...It's me...!'That has to be the worst thing to hear ever! I think you do need some time to be yourself and by yourself. I would be as honest as you can (sparingly honest) as I think from what you've said about your feelings towards him (you're not physically attracted to him etc), perhaps you only got carried away with him in a romantic way because you were still vunerable over your last relationship.Perhaps if you were truly over your past relationship, feeling yourself, you wouldn't have even gone down the relationship route with him?I think you wanted/missed male company and he came along and you got into something deep down you know is not right for you. It would be nice if you like him as a friend to continue the friendship but be prepared he might not want just friendship, so you may lose him completely.I would just give yourself some 'me' time, focus on work and getting healthier and you will meet someone who makes your stomach flip! Never settle for less.Good luck to you x :-)
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