A
female
age
41-50,
*exy babe1980
writes:How to get out of a toxic realtioship for good? one day is so nice and treat me well then the next day he's blame me for thing that have done. if he had a bad day at work then it my fault. i need to get out and cut all ends with him, how do i do that?
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female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 Break it off completely and be strong in your decision. If he calls, dont answer, and just do not bring him back into your life AT ALL!
If he says he's changed, dont listen to him. If he really has changed, after a period of time, then he'll work hard to show you he's changed.
If he says he WILL change, dont listen. People who say that almost always DONT change!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 December 2011):
If you're living apart, then go for it and dump him right now, just like that.
If you're living together, then it's best to get legal advice first, then make the break for it once you know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (15 December 2011):
 Like NIKE.... JUST DO IT! Thats it!
You have made the decision that this relationship is toxic. You are not happy so... tell him.. It's over and goodbye and GO...xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): You need a plan. Sit down and write down your plan so that when you become upset or emotional next time you have this to fall back on. If you live together figure out where else you will live if you move out.
write down your reasons that have kept you from leaving him sooner. Then, write down rebuttals to those reasons. Keep this so you can remind yourself why you are leaving him.
Very importantly: announce to your friends and family that you are leaving him and why. Ask them to hold you accountable for sticking with your plan. Ask them for support. But don't hang around people who dont' understand you and who would try to stop you from leaving your relationship because of their own baggage (Like for example his own family members or his friends might try to stop you from leaving him...dont' look to them for support...look to YOUR friends and people who are on YOUR side)
Remind yourself of these top reasons to get out of a toxic relationship and stay out:
- no relationship is worth your SELF ESTEEM and sense of SELF WORTH. You can divorce a spouse and lose all your money but that is nothing compared to losing your self esteem.
- A relationship that tears down your self esteem rather than building it up, is a useless relationship in fact it's a liability because it prevents you from being effective in ALL other areas of your life beyond "just" this relationship. You're probably not doing as well as you could/should/used to be at work, as a parent, as a citizen of your community, as a friend to your other friends. How can you, when you're spending so much time feeling upset and pre-occupied by how upset you and what a mess you're in?
- Toxic people don't change permanently if their other people don't leave them for good. As long as you stay or go back to him, he won't change because he's being 'rewarded' for being the way he is, by your acceptance of the situation.
- You say that some times or maybe often times he's nice to you? Well guess what - there are so many guys out there who are also nice but are not also toxic. Why go for someone who is toxic, just because some times he can be really nice? And like I said above - toxic people don't change as long as you stay or go back.
- you hope this time his change will be permanent? it can't be, not with you at least. The only way he will change permanently is if he loses you for good, AND loses his next relationship partner for good, AND the one after that too, and maybe the one after that too....until it finally sinks into him that he has a PATTERN in his life that partners leave him FOR GOOD then, maybe then, he will some day decide he should change and keep at it. that's a long time in the making, way longer than you can or should wait.
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