A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy recently and he's perfect in all ways, ticks every box, but I don't feel anything when I'm with him. No fluttering heartbeat when he holds my hand, no butterflies when he kisses me, nothing. I think it is because I am still not over the last guy I fell for. He's an old friend who knows me better than anyone else but despite flirting with me constantly and kissing several times, I am positive he does not have feelings for me. With him however, I had the racing heart beat sensation and butterflies even when we just talked so I know I am capable of feeling like that for someone. I am just scared that if I give the new guy a chance, then when I see my old crush again, I will fall right back for him which is very unfair to the new guy. What should I do? Would you suggest I gave this new guy a chance and hope I get over my old crush before I saw him again?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 December 2011):
Hi. If he seems like a decent guy, it probably is worth giving it a chance to see what happens.
Just take it slowly and don't let things progress too quickly.
Perhaps you could just consider him to be a friend - without any expectation.
That way, there's no pressure on yourself to feel something soon.
So if you look upon him as a friend, and just get to know him well and enjoy his company first, then over the weeks see how you feel then.
Most relationships start as good friends.
Just because you feel no fireworks right now, it doesn't mean there won't be in future.
You might find that as you get to know him better and what things you have in common, that you start to fall in love with him then.
So don't give up on him just yet. There is still hope.
Two really important things though, is to make sure he treats you well and with respect and dignity, and takes you to nice places. Plus how he talks to you and that he considers your feelings at all times.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Dorothy Dix, thanks for replying. I never dated the last guy, as he claims 'relationships are not his thing'. We are still very good friends and talk regularly. I do think this may be a rebound relationship as I was very keen to get over the last guy since there is no chance of that progressing. I don't think there is any chemistry with the new guy as yet but I am hoping that it will develop. I just feel like I am using the new guy and that is not something I am comfortable doing.. Though all my friends so far think that he is someone worth giving a shot to.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (15 December 2011):
Hi there. Is your last relationship a very recent breakup?
I mean like a couple of weeks to a month or two?
If it is, well then perhaps you jumped into this new relationship way too soon. You probably weren't ready.
The chemistry doesn't seem to be there, does it?
I say this because you still have feelings for your last boyfriend.
At the moment, all that's happening is you are comparing the new guy to the last guy.
And keeping that in mind, it's very unlikely that he will ever have a real chance to shine. Because he is living in the shadow of your last love.
So really what you have is a rebound relationship.
Is there any chance that you would ever reconcile things with the last guy? Are you still friends?
What sort of bust up with him was it? Was it over something really big or something small and insignificant?
These questions all need to be considered carefully, so you can gauge where you really stand in all this.
You have hardly any feelings for the new guy you are seeing, but you had lots of feelings for the last guy.
So you have some thinking to do.
And it really comes down to what you really want - and who.
Don't rush a decision.
In the meantime, give this guy a chance and see if any feelings start to develop towards him.
Usually though, if they aren't there from the beginning, they might never be there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): If you are still in love on your old crush, stop it with the new guy.
Until you're not in love with him, stop letting the new guy kiss you and all that. Love wouldn't blossom with the new guy since your heart is still set on your old crush.
First, you would have to fall out of love with your old crush. Think of all the stuff you hate or dislike about him.
Weigh the pro and cons and decide who is better for you. Do not disregard his bad traits. Include them in your list.
If you really have no feelings for the new guy, don't let this sort of relationship continue.
You're wasting both you and that new guy's time.
Give that guy a chance, if you really like him.
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