A
female
age
30-35,
*aime90
writes:i want to know how to get my boyfriend to be more dominant in bed. i get turned on knowing i am satisfying the guy, doing the positions he likes etc but my bf will not ever say. i ask do u wanna try a different position? and he just says if you do, whatever you want etc.i want to feel like he enjoys me giving him oral and really wants it but when i say do u want me to ... ? he just says if u want to. it annoys me because i want to feel like he wants it and at the moment it just feels like i am the one taking control of our sex life and i dont like it! i want him to be in control too. how do i bring this up? i dont want to make him feel like he is crap in bed
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): i had the same problem with my bf since he is very insecure about himself...then what i did was i slowly started diverting away from all sexual activity with him...and of course since he wasnt getting any he started foreplay and trying to take over what we do then i resisted many times then he just got more eager to get dominant since then i pretended that i didnt know what i was doing or what he was doing...i tried to be as natural as possible...i think when you slowly stop sexual activity or having sexual talk with your man they think they are not keeping you interested enough and then they take steps on their own it worked for me lol
A
female
reader, newbern  +, writes (13 July 2009):
Mine is like yours, he's really insecure as his thing is small and also incredibly bendy- he was told before by his exes lol.So what you need to do is to boos his confidence. Make him feel bigger than he is, just pay him compliments, obviously try and be as natural as you can!Do that a few times and that should help, at least a little.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Has it crossed your mind that he might be thinking exactly the same thing as you think right now? Do you think he maybe JUST DOESNT KNOW WHAT HE WANTS in bed?
When I started going out with my boyfreind, he came from a very strict religeous family, i could see he is very passionate but he had this mental block on how and what is allowed in sex. He regarded any attemp for dominance of a man in bed as sinful as "rape". I had to practically teach him to enjoy blowjobs... he asked apparently once his ex and she said "do you think I am an animal?" so it scarred him for life and when he met me, he liked me so much, he wanted so much to stay with me that he would do literally nothing in bed for fear Im going to think he is dirty. I am talking of an extreme case here, but I can tell you just this. There is "cure", but it requires a lot of hard work from the girl. Here is my advice to you, try to understand his fantasies first. If he just pictures sex during his fantasies, ie. nothing else - he simply doesnt have the imagination to be dominant. Then you have to teach him literally every trick you want to be done at the same time making him feel like he is doing it. Sounds difficult, but basically men love encouragement and knowing that you are enjoying it, fake a little in the begging and exaggerate what you really like stuff. DO NOT CRITISIZE!
Then take cuba libres/mohitos get abit drunk and let yourself go, tell some real naughty fantasies and watch his reaction. You can even get dirty there "I love when a man shows me his power, bla bla" (the usual cheese that only sounds good in bed :) Prepare still that the first couple of times you will fail, just keep going and everytime he does a bit better keep encouraging!
Im sorry if my message sounds like training dogs. It is not. It is just i found the hard way that some boys didnt even let themselves imagine that they could please a woman by asking for what they want. And it is this mental barier that you have to overcome! As I said it is tough, but if you really love him and believe that he is passionate enough to satisfy you it is really worth the hard work!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, GarethA +, writes (12 July 2009):
As the girl mentioned above, tell him during sex that you want him to take control - if your boyfriend drinks then maybe wait until he's had a drink or two so that he lets his guard down a bit - and when he does take control make sure you show him how much you are enjoying it - that will boost his confidence (ego) and there will be no stopping him! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, r0ckah0l1c  +, writes (11 July 2009):
My boyfriend is exactly the same way, he is just shy and feels inexperienced. Perhaps your boyfriend is self conscious about his own performance? Otherwise he may have a very low sex drive or you may have incompatible sex drives?
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A
female
reader, misswalston +, writes (11 July 2009):
 In the middle of having sex, tell him that you want him to take control of your body. Say it in a really sexy way and watch his response to you. Let him know that you like when he is in charge. Let him know that it turns you on to no end.........Good Luck......
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 July 2009):
He's just trying to be nice.
Just talk to him and tell him that you don't ever feel like he wants you because he just tells you to do what ever you want rather than saying what he wants.
Tell him you just want to know that he wants you rather than be passive about everything.
Also, when he says "If you want to" then just say "well you're not bothered so I won't." Remind him how he's coming across.
Good Luck!! xx
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