A
female
age
30-35,
*old_as_ice17
writes:My boyfriend (just started dating but have known him for many many years) recently revealed that he takes pills for the high occasionally. I don't know what occasionally means and I didn't ask specifics since I was so shocked and disappointed. I told him it worried me but he reassured me he just takes it "here and there". He is seeing his friend battle addiction, and its this same friend who offers these pills to him. He was a heavy pot smoker some years ago but quit. He said himself he misses the high and I'm afraid that it could lead to addiction to these pills as I know they're highly addictive. Is there anyway I can help him and discourage the use of these pills? I don't want to be too pushy and I don't want to give up on him either. A lot of people have given up on him and I don't want to be one of them. I just don't want this to develop into a problem. He is a great guy and its disappointing that he makes dumb choices. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Who does he trust? Who can you call on for support?
Try to fight this battle alone and you are likely to end up depressed and exhausted.
Considering the drugs he is using, he probably minimises all the danger, and does not want to know about the downsides. He may even have a range of arguments to counter whatever you put in front of his as evidence that it is not ‘too bad’ and that he can handle it and has it all under control.
If you contact a public drug treatment center they may even be happy to share some printed material to help familiarise you with the consequences of continued drug use and the potential outcomes of continuing or escalated drug use.
How is his drug use affecting you? Write him a letter and keep it ready to hand to him at a time when he is receptive to reading it to shock him into action. Pour out all your feelings and your concerns about his continued drug use.
Refuse to accompany him to any place where he may purchase his drugs. Stop lending him any money for his drugs (if he is already borrowing money from you)
Have a back-up plan for your own safety if his drug use becomes a threat to your safety.
Have a medical back up plan. We all know how to dial the emergency number. But there are things you need to know if you find him in a bad way, before an ambulance arrives. Things to keep him safer before emergency staff can arrive to assist him.
I think the task of encouraging him to stop his drug use is too big for one person. Some counselling with a person who understands the enormity of the issues you are facing might help you cope better if he is reluctant to understand the problem. If he fails to understand why his drug taking is a problem if is not your failure. It is his failure to understand.
If you do try to encourage him to stop taking these drugs then you have done your best. The rest really is up to him. And it is his choice. The counselling will help you to accept that you do not have to put up with the unacceptable forever. If he is determined to continue his level of drug taking then he needs to accept that there will be consequences. Nothing in life is without consequences
A
female
reader, cold_as_ice17 +, writes (15 May 2012):
cold_as_ice17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I can see where the advice is coming from. I would say the same to someone in my position but now that im here i feel a little hard to give up on him. I dont think its a full blown addiction yet but i know its a possibility. I guess how can i make this knowledge not bother me? I have been so stressed ever since i found out and its making me sad. How can i just let it go without letting him go? I just want to realize its his problem not mine.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 May 2012):
He needs to solve his own problems. By supporting him and staying around while he keeps using you are only delaying him facing facts.
He has a problem and at this stage he cannot see a reason to stop. And potentially he is endangering his health.
If he goes into Rehab he will get much tougher treatment than anything you can try on him.
And do not let him drag you down in the process. It is wearing to live with a person mis-using drugs.
The most loving thing would be to point him in the right direction and tell him to get help.
Here are some links - my aim is only to choose free sites. Hence I make use of overseas sites where they have relevant free information. Hope this helps inform you more of the side affects and the potential problems.
http://www.talktofrank.com/
Addictions
http://helpguide.org/topics/addiction.htm
http://www.rehabinfo.net/norco-addiction/
Mis-use of prescription drugs is a huge problem. Just because a Doctor prescribes the medication does not mean it is safe if the person takes more than the recommended does. Or takes the medication when they have no actual medical problem requiring the use of that medication.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 May 2012):
 An addict is an addict. Either they are in recovery or they are not.
You can't help him or discourage him from using. You can tell him how you feel about it and make the choice to not be with him when he's actively using.
Until he can deal with his addictions he's in denial of his problem and you can't help him.
I speak as a woman who is currently with an addict. I accept his addictions but you are so young I would be very careful about making the choice to be with someone with addictions... they color the person forever...
...............................
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (14 May 2012):
People who use substances to enhance their mental state have often got more going on in their head than is immediately obvious. It was pot, now it's pills, soon it could be excessive alcohol etc. People who need this kind of crutch in life can be hard work to deal with.
Don't bite off more than you can chew in trying to help this man. His mindset and his issues are really for him to resolve.
Much as I understand your desire to help, the real change can only take place within the individual themself.
You would probably be better suited to someone who does not abuse their body and their health, and who is high on life and nothing else.
...............................
|
