A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused19848384975
writes:HiThank you for reading.I dated a guy for 7 months last year. He dumped me in late December, saying that he felt that our relationship wasn’t moving forward as quickly as he wanted. He wanted me to move in with him and I didn’t feel ready for the move, especially as my Dad died in October and I just didn’t feel ready for a major change in my life.While i respect his right to chose and if me not doing what he wanted made him unhappy, then of course he has the right to stop seeing me. He said ‘i hope we can still be just friends;.I was really upset by his decision but accept it. While he was a nice guy while we were together, I also thought i saw a different side to him that he gave up on me at a low point in my life.Anyway, I have had no contact with him since. This has been hard for me and many times I’ve wanted to contact him but I haven’t done it. On a more positive side, Ive used my new found spare time to catch up with many old friends who i didn’t see last year and I’ve enjoyed it. In truth, I don’t think I can be just friends with this guy as I was in love with him. Also, I have a good number of friends in my life who really are friends and I would prefer to see them.Anyway, over the last few weeks I have been feeling like I am getting much more used to him being in my life. While sometimes i do want him back, as mentioned above i feel he showed a selfish side to himself when he dumped me and I am not sure i want to be with someone like that.Today he sent me a text saying hi, how are you? Hope you are doing well.To be honest this has really upset me. I haven’t replied yet.Advise on how to reply? I don’t feel like I want to be nasty to him however sad he made me feel.Do I:Ignore the text complete and don’t reply?Send a short reply saying I am fine and wish him a good weekend?Tell him that I don’t feel in a place to make friendly chats with him on text but I wish him well?Something else?Thanks in advance for your help
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (5 March 2018):
Ignore the text and block his number. You owe this guy nothing. He contacted you for one of two reasons: to worm his way back into your life or to assuage his conscience. Don’t let him back into your life and don’t give him any kind of absolution. Block him and move on.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (4 March 2018):
 He definitely showed his true colours in your time of need. Well done on realising you've got plenty of true friends - and was it because of this guy that you'd not had much contact in the past year? He wasn't your friend when you needed him, so the whole "let's be friends" is a joke.
You could be polite, and respond with the "I'm fine..." Then delete all his texts and block him from your life.
You deserve better!
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2018): Reply to him and say unfortunately there is too much water under the bridge & you no longer feel able to have a friendship with him at this time, be honest, say you are grieving and that you wish him well, but would prefer him not to contact you again, let him reply or not then block him. You needed his support and love not his demands about your living situation, no relationship is ever all bad, but that one could have been better - move on and continue to live at your own emotional pace. Wishing you all good things for the future .
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 March 2018):
 What do you WANT to do?
Personally, I would ignore the text completely. You are doing ok without him. In fact, you are doing well without him. Why get back in contact with someone you feel let you down when you needed them most? Fair weather friends are 10 a penny. He is obviously at a loose end and thought he would drop you a text. You two could get back in contact and do ok until the next time you really need him. Then he will let you down and hurt you again.
My advice would be to stay away. I would also have a little smirk that he wants to make contact but YOU have chosen to take control of the situation and ignore him.
Be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2018): I am so very sorry for the loss of your father. My truest condolences.
You've been doing fine. He made a decision that affected both of you; and you respected his opinion. Let that decision remain final. If you really truly want someone; you have to give them time to catch up with your feelings, so you're both on the same page. It wasn't like you were stringing him along, you needed to get your life in order first. That's called wisdom in my book!
NO! Do not reply.
You can miss him; but you are quite a smart and perceptive person. You noticed that he dumped you in one of the most crucial and painful times one could imagine. That an opportunity to demonstrate how much you really care for someone; you should be there for them at the lowest point of their lives.
Loss of a parent is devastating. He couldn't see past his own selfish needs. He wasn't there to support you through your grief; yet you were strong enough to pull through, and you chose to go to your support-system. You took the bull by the horns. Good for you!
He's having second-thoughts. He is counting on using your vulnerability to his advantage. He thinks you've suffered enough; so now he will comeback and see if you will now do as he wants you to do.
As adults, sometimes we have to learn there is a window of opportunity. There is the perfect-time to prove something to the one we love and to establish trust. Trust is the driving force and energy-source to love. I think he blew it!
Let him go. Close that chapter of your life. Let him learn from this experience; because he didn't realize he had the chance to prove to you he is dependable in a major crisis. He dumped you, and said you weren't moving fast enough to suit him. I guess he couldn't find anyone else he could rush around; and now he's circling-back.
You deserve better, and you'll find someone better. Now he knows that to be the case.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 March 2018):
 Go with the first option. Ignore the text completely and don't reply. It's taken you a long time to get over him and the last thing you want is to get sucked into an emotionally draining situation again. If you reply and then he replies, it's going to start a conversation and will lead to nothing. The best thing is to just ignore him, block him and move on, as you have been doing. One text has you rattled this much, imagine what you would go through if he were to say anything else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2018):
 I think it depends what you really want. Don't CONSIDER what HE wanted (as in staying friend - which he really didn't mean).
I think being honest is the way to go so yes, TELL him you don't feel in a place to make friendly chats, wish him well and BLOCK him.
You don't OWE him a long explanation or to keep him un-blocked.
I DO think ignoring him or ghosting him is not productive. I think actually telling him HOW you feel and behaving with civility shows what kind of person HE let go.
He made the choice to end it because YOU didn't want what HE Wanted and he couldn't wait for you to be ready. I think that actually shows you just how BAD a fit he was. And for him to start calling you is NOT for your benefit, he dumped you and vanished when you needed him - him calling now is NOT for your sake - it's to hopefully get some attention from you, because he is lonely or bored.
He might have had some nice traits too but overall, not a good fit for you. And there is NO need to keep exes around.
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