A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Not sure what to do, I have been married for over 20 years, and recently witnessed a co-worker of my husband try to hit on him. Bringing this up has led us to a huge argument, and now we are not talking. Not sure why he is mad at me for bringing it up. She actually said to him that she wanted to take advantage of him, after buying him a few drinks, I told her he's wasn't fun drunk, and she procedes to tell me he wasn't fun sobber as well. How do I take this, was she trying to tell me they had something....not understanding, this was the first time she met me, but she has been working with my husband for a few years...what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Apparently you weren't happy with the advice you received the last time you asked this question but my answer is still the same. Is it possible that she's just one of the women who find the need to disrespect other womens relationships with the men in her life, like co workers, sibling, friends? Her comments make her sound like she's competitive for male attention. A possible woman hating bitch? I wouldn't give me husband too much grief for the things she said. Unless your husband is completely acting fishy then it's likely it's just her playing games with you. Or you can keep asking until you find the answer you are clearing aiming for- That's he's cheating.
A
male
reader, ashaw +, writes (10 September 2010):
He could just be irritated that you don't trust him. But, not knowing any more than the short information above, I don't know. I personally wouldn't worry too much if the above comments are all you're going on. There are a lot of people like her. I'm sure she has plenty of her own issues. (Not that any of us are issue-free.) Keep in mind that people usually cheat because their needs are not being met in their marriage, whatever those needs might be...they vary considerably. Because they vary considerably, you guys need to be communicating more so you know what each other needs. (He may need to feel trusted, for example.) I don't fault you at all for making your expectations known regarding any relationship with this other woman. I think that shows that you want him, and that may be something you want to remind him if he is upset about the incident.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Would they have opportunities to do something other than work? Like travel out of town; work late nights or all night shifts? The other thing to look at is their chemistry together? Her comment alone doesn't alarm me but I wasn't there and body language is half the message.
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A
female
reader, daydreamer2  +, writes (10 September 2010):
hi there, as a woman I certainly know how you feel having been there myself. Initially your husband getting angry with you for mentioning would set alarm bells off for me. Its the first form of defense. . And when happened to me I started to notice other small things. However be careful because he may just have some sort of office banter as mentioned above, I think the semen thing also is something I have done. But confronted with evidence didn get me any where except into more rows. Be careful you dont just make him think you are clingy and paranoid. Hope he isnt doin any thing. Some women are evil and do pray on married men. Take care x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Dear OP, congratulationd for being wide awake and identifying this threat in your marriage. if he is pissed off, well tough cookies. you are fighting to protect what is yours and i wish more wives and cheated husbands had the convictions in the first place when they identified a potential third party.
whatever the reason this other woman tried to tell you that something is amiss, at least you had the convictions to let hubby know that you wont stand for it. observe him, you do not have to fight or be nasty , just observant.
and just to show him he is your property: give him the best blowjob to keep that sexual interest.good luck
-LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 September 2010):
Hi there. To know for certain, you will have to closely monitor your husband's movements. I don't mean follow him.What I do mean, is see if he acts secretively. Whether he goes out after he gets home from work and if he does, if he's getting home very, very late (wee hours of the morning, I mean). If he doesn't tell you where he's going - don't make a fuss of it or get angry or upset. Simply say - "Have a nice evening!" - and leave it at that. Don't add anything further or become anxious.Another thing also, is whether he is acting any differently towards you than the way he usually would. Are you still having sex or has it got more frequent or a lot less - for no apparent reason?If there is no change, that's great - no need to worry unduly.Is he becoming argumentative over small things that aren't worthy of arguing over? If he is, this doesn't necessarily mean anything either. He could just be in need of some time out - a holiday for instance. He could also be working long hours at work and come home exhausted. Fatigue will make men irritable for sure.If he hides his mobile phone or becomes protective of it when you walk near it. Those sorts of things are a key clue. If he doesn't hide his phone or leave it in the car out of site, that's also a good sign that nothing is happening.Try not to scrutinize his every move, as he will start to feel like you don't trust him and he might also start to feel crowded and like he's being controlled by you in some way. This would definitely make him a bit frustrated and angry.If something is going on, there would be signs for sure. Another thing you could check (but make sure he doesn't see you do it), is when you wash his undies, check the crotch area for semen stains. If there are any, but the two of you had sex that morning, well it would probably be that.If on the other hand, you hadn't had sex for a few days or even a week, and yet there were semen stains from that day or the previous day, there's a possible cause for concern. Of course, there would have to be a substantial amount of dried semen, virtually going the entire length of the penis along the inner layer of his undies crotch fabric. Not just a small drop or two which can seep out at any time of the day without any sexual encounter as such.If you generally have a good relationship with your husband otherwise, and you communicate well and enjoy each other's company there's probably no real cause for concern.Just be aware to anything unusual or strange phone calls that might occur. If nothing odd happens, you are probably worrying about nothing.For now, give him the benefit of the doubt and try hard to still trust him as you always have - unless he gives you any reason not to. Treat him with love, respect and when you both talk to each other, try to always be in the same reason as each other - rather than singing out from different rooms. The eye to eye contact is so much more personal. People like to be heard and really listened to with undivided attention. It's very flattering to have someone else's complete attention.Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Or that he rejected her when she tried to put the moves on him....Really there could be nothing behind her comment. But if she continues with her forwardness, I would take her aside then politely introduce yourself in case she had forgotten that you're his wife, then proceed to tell her you don't appreciate her flirting with YOUR husband in front of you, it's rather rude and makes her look cheap, and that she needs to back off because he's got a ring on his finger. Then bid her a good day.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 You really haven't told us if you otherwise have reason to mistrust your husband. If you don't, then don't read anything more into it than banter. Her comment about him not being fun sober could simply mean he isn't exactly the life of the office.
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