A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a heterosexual straight guy who loves women and everything associated with them but lately there has been a guy who has me interested. we are best friends and we talk all the time( aim ) etc we go to the same school and we trust each other. im beginning to hve feelings for him now hes very supportive and thts a major attraction. for some reason he is the only guy i hve ever wondered about . maybe its bc he reminds me of a girl idk. i dont know whether to have a relationship with him or hold it inside but the more i hold it inside the more my urges grow. he's straight and doesnt know i feel this way especially since he knows i had 4 girlfriends in the past. i would like to eventually tell him my feelings about him but im not sure wht i should do. im afraid he may get frightened and never look at me the same again. especially since im a bodybuilder and hes a skinny guy. i mean we hve each others backs and stuff but i would like to afvance on tht. i just dont know if he would be open minded to a relationship more than just friends. he plays with other friends and it disturbs me bcim afraid he may get attached to another friend. i just want to know wht i should do and can anyone help me with this?
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male
reader, 1mikem2 +, writes (18 February 2010):
 wow, i thought i was the only person going through this sene..lol im in the same exsact position that your in. but in my oppinion i think you should just give it time and if the opportunity comes to ask him then ask and talk to him in a relaxed regular way. hope things work for you.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Confront your fears. Sound him out about gay issues and see where he stands.
Then you would know what to do and what ought not to do with him. Not knowing where he stands can cause you anxieties and stomach ulcers.It is better to know his stand earlier or you would be wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 February 2010):
Confront your fears. Sound him out ab
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 February 2010):
Confront your fears. Sound him out ab
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (15 February 2010):
Firstly, relatively few people are 100% exclusively straight or exclusively gay. The rest of us have a range of sexual attraction from fleeting through to bisexual. Google the Kinsey Scale for more information about this; Kinsey was a psychologist who first hypothesized this theory. So we don't all fit into neat little boxes when it comes to sexuality.
As for your guy friend; its never a good idea to come right out with it, unless you know that this person is open to such relationships. You have to find out if he thinks gay relationships are acceptable and ofcourse use the opportunity to let him know that you think its ok to be gay. Maybe even crack a joke about how you are thinking of someday experimenting with it then laugh it off while carefully watching his reaction. All this doesn't have to happen in one conversation; you can bring it up over a number of conversations. A gay friend of mine once told me that him and his friends can tell if another guy is gay by giving him a certain eye gaze and seeing if its reciprocated. He said that way, if the other guy is not receptive, then nothing has been said or risked that could cause problems!!! Sounds a little ridiculous I know, but both my ex and my boyfriend have said stuff like, 'I might be wrong but that guy looked at me kind of funny.'!!!!!!! I'm not saying try it, was just putting this out there as a tidbit.
As for your fear that he might connect with others, I would advise you to seriously keep yourself in check and avoid becoming territorial. If you send him the impression that you are jealous of his other friendships then you just might lose his.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): You have mentioned no physical attraction to your friend. Do you actually want to by intimate with him, or have sex even? I am not sure what you mean by take it further. You can have a deeper friendship without a relationship.
It sounds to me like you are just very emotionally attached to him. If you are truly straight (be real, are you?) and so is he then obviously a relationship wouldn't work so it would be pointless to say anything or try. You can always be the best friends, that is nothing to look down upon.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Hi there.
You have 2 choices. You can continue as things are and not let on about your true feeling. You would stay friends but you'd have to repress your true feelings which could lead to deep unhappyness if your feelings for him grow.
Or you can take a chance and tell him. You risk losing him as a friend if he is uncomfortable of your feelings. But you never know, he might be feeling the same way and might want something to happen.
Maybe you could try to test the water. Broach the subject of guys having a relationship and see how he reacts. Perhaps a full on confession of feelings might be too much. Try to give subtle hints and see what happens. Take it slow.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Hi there!you are clearly curious about being with men so are probably bi-sexual but labelling yourself gay or straight will just confuse you. You say that a major attraction is that he is supportive to you. are you physically attracted to him? im just wondering whether this is more of an emotional attachment than a sexual one.You say that you are really good friends with this guy so i think the first thing you should do is talk to him and mention something about having an attraction towards guys...this will help to test the water and see how he reacts. If he reacts well then you can drop subtle hints that you really like him, perhaps with a little harmless flirting and see how he reacts. Has he ever shown any signs of being attracted to you? has he flirted or anything like that??I think another thing you need to consider is your friendship. If you have a great friendship with this guy, is it one that you are willing to risk by having a relationship with him? i had a relationship with my best friend and it ended badly, we arent friends anymore. You need to consider if you are prepared for the possibility of that. This is a difficult situation but one i have experienced so feel free to ask for more advice if you need itxxx
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A
female
reader, nicest3449 +, writes (14 February 2010):
I really think you are confused or scared. First of all, if you are having the feeling of wanting another man, you are not hetero, you are hiding from the truth and it is best that you confront it. Don't be afraid because the sooner you are honest with yourself the happier you will be. Don't tell him anything......yet. Try giving him a scenerio of two men being together and pay attention to his response and actions. For example, make up a story about your male cousin being in love with a man for years, end that story with them eventually getting together and living happily ever after. If his response is negative then don't tell him your feelings. If it is positive, then ask him how he would feel if you wanted to be with him. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, paulofessex +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I would hold off making any kind of move. Perhaps make him aware of how easy you find he is to talk with and that you feel you could trust him should you have any private issues to express in the future.Perhaps get him to open up about his past relationships.
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (14 February 2010):
 What do you mean by "he plays with other friends"? If he is already experimenting sexually with other guys, than you shouldn't be too afraid to let him know how you feel. Chances are he won't run screaming. If you are curious and you like him, now is as good a time as any to test the waters, to see how you feel. Good luck to you!
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