A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My BF and I have been dating for 4 months. He has TWO ex wives. His son is from his first. She cheated on him and is now married to the one she cheated with years ago. She has been sending him naked (and graphic) pics of her body...(yes all of it) up close and personal. He has saved them and keeps them on his phone. He says he keeps them there to show them to anyone that will look as a way to get back at her by laughing at them. It drives me crazy that he has them. How do I react? He has offered for me to remove them if I want to, but I feel like doing that just makes me feel like a control freak. I just respond with, if you want to get rid of them great, but they don't belong to me and it is not my place to delete them. He hasn't done it. In fact he got a new phone and transfered them (with all of his other pics) over to the new phone. Am I overreacting or is this wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GeorgiaGirl84 +, writes (27 March 2008):
 He's WRONG. You're underreacting. He's using the pics as revenge tactics? Sounds like bull to me. If that's true, maybe he's not really over her. Why would he try to get back at her if he's really moved on? As a female I'm mad. If my boyfriend had nude pics of his ex on his phone, I would give him two choices- delete them or hit the road. It's completely disrespectful to you and he's probably pulling them out on his "alone" time. You let him slide on this, then you can't get mad when he takes things further the next time. There WILL be a next time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Just a thought - how about transferring a couple of them onto your phone and then sending them back to his ex? I presume she won't know who they've come from and she will be a little concerned that her bits are out in the public domain. Then again, she might be proud of what she's got, but whichever way, he'll get it in the neck for passing them on to other people and it's unlikely she'd send him any more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): You are trying to justify or make excuses for his behaviour because you care about him.... when any other woman would actually feel the same as you do deep down - appauled!! He is wrong wrong wrong. His pathetic excuse to show people and 'get back at her' is totally immature. I hate to sound blunt but any respectful man (one that treats women well) would decide that she is clearly desperate for attention and say kindly and politely to her "Please do not send any more pictures of that nature to me - our relationship ended years ago." He would then delete them not only out of embarrassment for his ex but also out of respect for you. The latter being the most important. Maybe two marriages say it all - sorry to sound judgmental or cruel. To add insult to injury he has transferred the pictures to a new phone! WHAT???!!!! Dear oh dear. I would get out of that relationship while you still have your own dignity in tact. It makes me wonder what he says to his mates about you.......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Honey, this is wrong. He should delete them, you know he should, but he's not. So what if you appear controlling! Your HUSBAND has porn of his ex on his phone! Don't stand for this, you deserve so much better. You deserve a husband that's faithful and loyal and doesn't want to keep things on his phone that will upset you.
Why not talk to him about it? But don't just tell him - make him feel guilty. Ask him (quite casually), if he really loved you, why would he want these photos on his phone? Don't take any of the same excuses. Tell him it upsets you and he knows that, and why is he intent on hurting your feelings?
Really, this guy needs a telling. You can't put up with this honey. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Ahhh... yeah.
Does the word SLEAZE mean anything. He knows it bothers you and he still does it.
Give him an ultimatum, either he deletes them the moment he gets them or you leave.
Flynn 24
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