A
male
age
41-50,
soul83
writes:I want to weigh in on the debate that keeps coming up. My partner used to want me to imagine other girls during sex and I was never comfortable with this. In the end I agreed to try it out to help please her.I was always thinking of her though. In the year and a half that we were together, I only imagined another girl once or twice whilst giving her oral (upon her request). The other times I would fake it to keep her happy.Then one day when she was off on tour, I stumbled across a couple of sexy models (in underwear) and saved their pics on the computer to look at... well a few months later she discovered the long since forgotten photos and started acting cagey about it. Calling me a liar and that I do in fact imagine other girls. Load of crap given that I only used the photos once and then forgot about them (would she have rather found out that I'd cheated her??). I had only once used those photos. Every other time, I imagined her.Anyway, her reaction was to the extreme. Started talking about how she was going to cheat me with other men. A couple of days later, in the morning I gave her good oral and as we started sex, she stopped and said she felt uncomfortable and wanted to sleep. Leaving me all turned on. The last thing she said before sleep was that I can help myself to the photos...So, I think a partner deserves the benefit of the doubt if they only did it once as a one off. Especially if that partner is remorseful and knows the damage that can be done to their partner's self-esteem.
View related questions:
liar, porn, underwear Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (9 April 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would describe her as terribly insecure, strong-willed, at times selfish and very very jealous.I'm beginning to think that this comes with the territory of being with a Chinese woman. Still, she is very independent and fails to realise the value and importance of spending time together. I take it personally when she doesn't spend enough time with me and then laughs it off and tells me to concentrate on my work instead of running around with her.True we need to both save damn hard for our future. But that doesn't negate the need to spend time together. Basically, when she has little time between her overseas tours, it would be nice to have her spend what little time exists between our schedules, with me.As I said, she laughs it off and says I'm acting like a 'big baby'...basically if I get bored enough, I'm going to start going out with other girls. I have a few interested in me already. Usually though, they find out about my fiancee. So I've been doing the right thing as far as being truthful and only looking around to make more friends.
A
female
reader, cjliow  +, writes (9 April 2011):
I think she really has some self confidence issues. From my experience, her suggestion of other imaginary women was to perhaps make your or both's sexual experiences and behavior more pronounced, as in add to the 'lewdness' in the sexual act. That was okay as long as she was in the picture. However, if you imagined other women (during idle fantasy or self stimulation) without her knowledge, she felt replaced, left out and jabbed at.
...............................
A
female
reader, sexybabe13  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 u have to keep it moving . find someone who is suited to ur life style
...............................
A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (6 April 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Ambassadeur Koko: Thanks for the reply. Your point is very valid. But what do you do when you have such a high sex drive and your partner is always overseas. I only get to see her for a couple of days in between her time spent taking tours abroad.When she is home, most of the time is spent out at her company or with her friends (work colleagues). She is unfortunately married to her job and I also have great difficulty to find time to be with her. Maybe the occasional morning each month and that's it. We see each other of an evening - we live together... but it's very hard to deal with the time apart. Also, she's so independent that really she can be very distant sometimes in her behaviour. In this way, I feel so ALONE. She's always out having a good time on her tours and with her friends and I'm left to try and make do with my friends and job.Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the experience to teach abroad. I love my students and helping them to learn and I have many awesome friends that I can hang out with too. BUT for me, it's just not the same without my fiancee. I really miss her a lot and wish we had more time together. How should I deal with that? Because her feelings towards spending time with me are far less intense than mine. In that way, we are incompatible unfortunately :( She hates it when I make demands on her time. It's like she has a "compartment" for each section of her life and can only devote a limited amount of time to me.I, on the other hand, want so much time with her because I am left alone so much. Friends aren't able to fill the void. I really want a partner to hug up to each night and to spend quality time with :(I really have no idea on how to fix this situation...
...............................
A
male
reader, Ambassadeur Koko  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Sometimes the pornography can cause you to cheat on your girl friend unexpectedly because, it stimulate your feelings and drives you crazy for sex. I don't recomend it.
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (1 April 2011):
 I think you need to talk to her about this and question her on why it is ok for you to imagine other women during sex but it's not ok for you to have a couple of pictures of scantily dressed women. And, be nice about it though. As dirtball brought up, she probably has some self esteem issues that you didn't know about before. As a woman myself, I am confused on what has happened here. But, I honestly think it boils down to her thinking you imagine other women during sex and now knowing you have looked at other women. The idea of something and it actually happening is two different things and can cause two different reactions. Maybe by her asking you to imagine other women, she was actually fishing for a compliment like "why would I need to imagine other women when I have you?" Good luck on this one.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): thank you...
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 March 2011):
 She just has deep running insecurity issues that she's taking out on you
I can tell you that this is quite different than the majority of the porn topics we get here. It all boils down to communication and trust.
...............................
|
