A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:Hi,I have a friend who I have slowly been trying to move away from. We live in different cities and frankly i feel as though we have nothing in commmon. He is a gay man who I feel doesn't take me or anyone seriously. I also feel disrespected and undermined when I am with him and as though I have to lower my standards to hang out with him. I haven't called him in about a year but when he calls I will pick up if I am in the mood. He has called me many times over the past 3 months and I haven't picked up. I thought that perhaps he would have left it alone. Then after he realised he wasn't going to get through by calling me constantly he wrote me a couple of rude emails saying...."stop being a bitch" and "Have you gone crazy?". I sent him a text saying that honestly I just hadn't felt like talking to him. I thought that would have been enough for him to leave me alone for a while but he has started calling again. I have tried to be subtle and honest but he clearly is not giving up! He has been in contact with some of my friends through Facebook who he doesn't know that well and therefore dragging other people into it-awkward! I recieved a text last night from one of his friends trying to sap out information about what I have been doing etc.This person is an alcoholic and we really don't have much in common and never have really. I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to come to this point. I simply don't want to be associated with him anymore because I feel like he drags me down. He doesn't like it when I achieve things, he only wants to get drunk and get reassurance that the way he lives his life is ok.I think his ego is hurt more than anything. He just wants the satisfaction of me talking to him again so that he knows nothing has changed and that will make him feel secure in his life.How on earth do you break off a friendship that you feel is dragging you down? I feel as though I have tried everything and the fact that he is still trying to call me even after I have told him that I don't feel like talking to him is disrespectful (but not surprising).Any advice?
View related questions:
alcoholic, drunk, facebook, in the mood, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (29 May 2013):
 Break it off like you would if you were breaking off with a boyfriend. Tell him that you've outgrown him and don't feel like you're in the same time frame in your lives.
I've had friends like this before and I explain my position, they leave me alone. Or you can change your number, give it to a few people and don't put it on your facebook page.
I would be honest and frank about it. Tell him your reasons, he should be mature enough to handle it.
A
female
reader, Tenderlovingcare  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 I don't think you're being clear enough OP. Maybe just say in the nicest way possible. Look I feel like we've grown apart and we're two different people now. I know it sounds silly because it's like you have to break up but friendships are annoyingly difficult to end. I have been going through the same thing but the only reason I have to carry on dealing with this person is because she's going out with my brother now! So take advantage of your situation and don't let someone (who in a few years probably won't remember your friendship) get you down. He obviously doesn't value your friendship that much if he feels the need to bring you down. I think he is jelous of your accomplishments, but when he starts to feel distant from you, feels like he needs to have you as a friend. He likes the idea of your friendship.
...............................
|
