A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dearcupid,I was wondering how often you see your boyfriend/girlfriend on average? My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost four months and we only see each other once a week, usually on Saturdays. Sometimes he will text me something cute about missing me, but normally we only text once a week when we make plans to see each other. I have tried hinting that I want to see him more, that we don't have to have official "dates" and that he can come over after work when he wants to crash at mine, but nothing has changed. He is also much older than me, and a lot busier. He is in school and also working part time. I understand that his schedule is busy, but I feel insecure. He is very affectionate when we're actually together, but when we are apart it's like we don't even exist to each other. He has also been canceling or putting off hanging out more recently, but maybe I am just being paranoid. I don't think he's cheating or being secretive, I just feel kind of sad because in a way his lack of interest makes me feel unspecial in his life or that he doesn't care...On the surface everything looks great, but I still feel like he's distant somehow. I have been really depressed and wish he were there for me, but I am too afraid to open up because we have been so distant lately. Is this normal? I am afraid of being needy and don't want to push him away when I just want to see him more.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 I'm in an LDR. Although I don't get to see my boyfriend often, we call/text/skype each other daily. We wouldn't have much of a relationship if we didn't (that's all I'm going to say).
A
female
reader, Jessica M Payne +, writes (15 March 2012):
My boyfriend/partner don't live together but I see him almost every day duing the week (even if its for an hour) and i spend friday - sunday with him at his. My partener has his license though.
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A
female
reader, uroboros  +, writes (15 March 2012):
i see my partner everyday, as we recently moved together.
before it happened we would see each other few times a week, and spend weekends together at his place, or mine.
before things got serious between us we used to go out every weekend.
u only text each other once a week, i find it quite odd, i'd feel more like his booty call, than an actuall girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I'm about to get married for the first time. One of the things that set my fiance apart from the other long list of guys I dated and ex boyfriends, this one called me every day and was always making plans to see me. He would call just to hear my voice.
In the first couple of months, I saw him three times a week and then after that, I made sure I had a couple nights to myself for my own life. He sent me cards and flowers the first few months, then vacations together, and then diamonds, and now a wedding. I've seen very similar patterns in others when both people are in love and emotionally available.
Looking back, I spent many years wasting time with the wrong guys. I'm not saying your guy doesn't care but he's not in love. Instead of taking that to heart or think that you are not enough, look out for yourself and don't settle for guys who put you in a comfortable slot for themselves. These guys are not enough for you!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Even after reading your follow-up, I can't shake the thought that this guy really has another life that you won't learn about from him.....
ANY guy will tell you he's being monogamous, and not seeing anyone else.... IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO KEEP YOU PUTTING OUT FOR HIM!!!!
Have you done a Web search of him?
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (15 March 2012):
 The relationship you're describing sounds a little like the one i had with my ex (my 1st boyfriend). At the start we'd text each other every day or so, but soon he stopped texting me first and i had to initiate the conversation most of the time. We only met up once/twice a week~ we both had 6th form (different ones) and in the whole time we were together (a year) he only slept round about 3 times. We weren't having sex until much later on, but during that whole relationship i felt that i was the one who cared more.
With my new boyfriend (4 months) we are both at uni together (he lives at home, i live in halls but we're living together next year) we see each other every day or at least every other day. He always comes to see me after his lecture we meet up in town on weekends, and he's slept round 3 times and i've slept round his once. I've had dinner round there several times and likewise I've cooked for him a few times too. I feel like he cares a lot more about me than my ex and we are always telling each other how much we love each other. I've also met his friends (something i never did with my ex)
You should definately talk to him~ say that you would like to spend more time with him. Sometimes saying things bluntly can work. You're not being too demanding, as long as you stillet him have time to do his own thing/meet up with his own friends. In my opinion, a healthy relationship has; trust, love, honesty, equality and lots of communication as well as spending time together, and the sexual side.
Good Luck ^_^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your advice! Just to clarify we are monogamous and not seeing other people, so we are not really "dating" but we are not exactly serious either. I have not told him that I've been having these feelings, so maybe I should make my needs clearer? This is my first real relationship and I'm not really sure what a "relationship" really means besides spending time together and being monogamous. Mostly I just doubt he cares about me as much as I care about him, but at the same time I am afraid of being too demanding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): Oh and have you seen the doctor re your depression...you need to address that too so you can see the world in a brighter light.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, MistressNataliee +, writes (15 March 2012):
When I had been with my boyfriend for 4 month we would go out for dinner or cook for each other one night through the week and then I would spend a night at his over the weekend as I still lived with my parents.
It is so normal to want to see him more espeically as you get to know and like each other more. But it sounds as though you are both on different pages. I noticed that you called him your boyfriend earlier, he probably still thinks youre at the dating stage without putting a label on.
If so early on in the "relationship" he is making you feel paranoid, depressed etc. then maybe he is not the one for you right now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): Once a week after four months isn't,in my mind, a relationship. What does he do the other 6 days/nights? If you want to be with somebody you make time,its all you can think of, next time you see them.
As his communication is bad too, well, its like you do with your mates. Text,arrange time and place, turn up.
If your having sex, then thats probably all he wants. You are way more invested in this than him.
I would pull away, make your own plans to go out, tell him that YOUR busy when he texts assuming you will jump.
You need to ask him if or where its going, but his actions say nowhere.
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