| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, I had a question and I hope you can answer. If you are in a relationship with someone, is it alright to ask about their sexual past? My boyfriend was telling me about the women he has been with and it made me a little uneasy. He was a bit promiscuous when he was 17. He was telling me stories about how he got caught by the young women's parents. But all I tried to do was listen to him.Should I tell him it makes me feel uneasy?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (30 January 2014):
What female anon said below. When you are entering a committed relationship, that part of your past is on the table, and deserves to be communicated honestly if asked.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): One's sexual past is one's own private business -- but when one has a sexual partner, that part of one's private business becomes their business. Someone having sex with you has a right to ask -- and to get an honest answer -- about what they're taking on, whom you've been with, pregnancies, STIs, etc., as you have a right to know about their past. It's hardly good to build a relationship on lies. You should be honest (but sensitive) with one another about past relationships -- but certainly let him know that his discussing these things casually is not appreciated!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 January 2014):
 To answer your first question, I would hardly consider it a violation of privacy to ask someone the odd question about their past when they've been volunteering information themselves.
I've never been one to ask about a boyfriend's sexual past because I generally prefer not to hear about it and I tend not to share much of mine because it's my private business (and it would violate the privacy of the person I had that history with).
Be calm, confident and matter of fact and just tell your boyfriend you don't want to know. Then steer the conversation to something you do want to talk about. I suggest you not even mention the word 'insecure' or anything remotely close to it because once you do, you'll be labelled as such and any future concerns you have will be tainted with that label.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): Yes tell him ASAP!!
I know I hate hearing about that stuff…we don't need details!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2014):
 It's OK to not want to hear all the sordid details, but you really should tell him that it makes you uncomfortable.
At your age, we all know that our partner has had a past that includes sexual partners, but not wanting all the info is OK.
I'm not a big fan of hearing about my husband's exes and I don't dig up my own either.
I prefer to live in the present, not the past.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): Definitely tell him about it, he needs to know so that he can be more sensitive about your insecurity here.
Of course you need to understand that he's going to have a sexual history though, everybody does, but it's in the past.
He is committed to you now and cares only for you, even if you don't quite live up to the fun he had with those girls decades ago when he was 17 and experimenting.
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