A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, a bit of a lengthy question here. So I am a 22 year old male with 1 year left of college and I have never dated or even kissed a girl. I hadn't really started to think about this until recently, after seeing a number of my friends getting into new relationships whether it was seeing it on Facebook or hearing about it from other friends. Throughout my high school and college career I have been incredibly shy, especially when it comes to talking to girls. I am usually crippled by that shyness unless they talk to me first. Now, I have never been one to conform to certain things in life or be pressured into certain situations and I most definitely don't want to get into a relationship just for the sake of being in one but I can't help but feel like I want something more and someone special in my life especially when a large percent of my friends have already been in relationships and started dating at a much younger age than me.Recently I have been trying to put myself out in more social situations such as playing on co-ed intramural teams and going to the pub on campus but like I said my shyness gets in the way of approaching girls, especially at the pub when a lot of them are with their friends.So my question is this, how can I deal with these conflicting feelings of wanting to find someone special and get passed the barrier of initiating contact that has been such a problem for me now and in the past Thanks for reading :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): "So I am a 22 year old male with 1 year left of college and I have never dated or even kissed a girl."
I wouldn't worry about it: you're in a better position than many -- just because people are out having sex, it doesn't follow that they're happy! It's tough being shy in today's culture, and nice, sensitive people often get hurt the most -- people who screw around without any feelings generally expect their partners to be as unfeeling, and when a mismatch occurs, one party usually ends up deeply hurt. One's past matters, regardless of what people claim: the best option is to try to find a girl with a comparable level of experience/inexperience, and take things slowly.
If you are really clueless about relationships, then I suggest you take a look around these forums: read a few dozen pages of the "Virgins" link here in the side-panel to get an idea how things tend to work out or go pear-shaped. You can at least get a grasp of the pitfalls which arise, and then take steps to avoid them.
I wish you luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): Personally, I think its the way you put your situation into perspective. As a shy guy your approach to attracting women is different to a not so shy guy. Some Extroverts tend to pursue many partners and try to figure out, which one is more suitable as they go along, at times acting before thinking. Introverts get to realise what they want and their shyness allows them time to figure this out and focus all their attention on that one person as they feel they are worth it. As long as you know how to pursue the right girl when she comes along, thats all that should matter, not make the most of whoever is in the room. Stop letting external pressures influence how you approach dating. Always think about what's best for you.
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