A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I'm beginning to think I suck when it comes to dealing with women. Lately, i feel like every time I show any interest in a woman it never works out. Which is odd to me considering how everyone always tells me I'm funny and good looking. So inspired by these compliments I put myself out there to see what happens and I'm always disappoint with the outcome. Just wondering how many rejections does someone new to the dating scene have to go through before they strike gold so to speak? Does anyone else have this problem? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Some say that when the lover is ready, the loved will appear. This basically means that you can work on being the kind of person you want to be and will attract the kind of woman you're want.
Make a list of your ideal mate, no compromises allowed. Whatever kind of man that sort of woman wants to be with is the sort of man you have to be to attract her to you. If you find a woman (or a few women) who matches the list closely, talk to her and see what her ideal mate is. This will give you an idea of the inner work you have to do to grow into the kind of person you wish to be. Now, if what your ideal mate wants is in conflict with the kind of person you already think you want to be, then you need to look closely at yourself.
I know a few balanced, healthy, successful people who have done this and had great success with it. Good luck!
-Ken
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Maybe you're too sincere. Ridiculous as it may sound, sometimes when someone shows their sincerity too soon it scares a lot of people off. Something I've often noticed about people who are "funny", (ie; have a great sense of humour, make jokes about life, can laugh at themselves, and have no stupid hangups about their image, etc, etc), is that they're usually very open and honest, and they tend not to screw around with other people's emotions. Because of that, (and, in my opinion it's actually a very admirable character trait), they lack the mystery that intrigues potential partners. Maybe back off a little bit, cover how keen you are until you're a bit surer that the feeling is returned. Stop with the jokes until the object of your desire appreciates you for the person that you are underneath the joker. XXX
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A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (8 October 2009):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question By put myself out there I mean the usual. You meet a good looking cool girl who you're into or who you're at the very least interested in. But because of various reasons it just never works out. Either she's not digging you as much as you dig her or things go sort of well and then fail leaving you feeling like you dropped the ball somewhere along the way.
Maybe the problem is that I am actively looking? Maybe I should just not try anymore. just go about life as usual and wait for the girl I want to find me? I feel like the harder i try to find a girl the less success I have. Funny/handsome aside, I get what i like to call "macking anxiety" especially when chatting up a girl i barely know someplace random like the super market.
i dont know...dating is hard. lol
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A
male
reader, EN_Ken  +, writes (8 October 2009):
I completely emphasize with how you feel because I used to have the same issue.The language of attraction is a mysterious one to most people, but it's one that's pretty straightforward once you understand it. I set out to learn about attraction and what brings people together and after I did so, I taught others and helped many guys, like you, who thought that it was just a matter of getting lucky. They've all learned how to take the luck out of love since then.I suggest that you keep trying, but if you ever want to figure this out, look me up. -Ken
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A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (8 October 2009):
Good question! There is no answer to it you could date once and find her or 100 times and never find her. There is someone for everyone stop looking and she will find you, or you will find each other. You would be surprised where you might meet a women. Some couples have met at do it yourself workshops at places like home depot. Sporting events, dog parks, grocery stores, elevators, or waiting for a bus. The key is don't be shy, but don't be too conceited, approach them and be approachable. You don't want to be too eager, but be confident. You'll find each other one day. The reason nobody ever work out is because you have not met your destiny yet. By the way cheesy pick-up lines do work for some women if they are funny, and not too over the top.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Dating and relationships are a numbers game. Some people meet one or two others and get into a relationship/dating with the third person they meet. For others, they can go through dozens of dates and still be single and looking.What you have to do is treat every encounter with a woman as a learning experience for the next encounter. Don't think of unsuccessful attempts as failures...they fail for a reason but you always learn something about yourself. What do you mean by 'show interest?' Are you only talking about getting a date or are you talking about keeping a woman interested after you do manage to get a date? Give me more info, maybe I can suggest a few things.What kind of women are you approaching? How do you do it? Where? More info needed for a better answer :)
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A
female
reader, d e e p w i t h i n +, writes (8 October 2009):
 maybe try not coming on so strong. as a woman, often a guy who comes on too strong is a turn off for me. just chill, meet some women, make casual conversation, get to know them, possibly start a friendship, then see where it goes. don't put so much pressure on it, you'll find the right girl someday! :D
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