A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I just started seeing this guy. He seems very nice, and cool ... little bit of a party animal, but I don't mind. We went for 2 dates .. kissed .. and at the second one he did ask me, if he can come upstairs, but I said no ... he didn't push. Anyhow .. how long do you think I should wait until I have sex with him? I always make the mistake of giving up way too early, and than the guy looses interest .. but does it matter how long will I make ihm wait? Will it make a difference in how he will feel about me, or will he just get tired of waiting and go somewhere else? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): I think me and my boyfriend are ready to have sex. But everytime he says the word sex my stomach starts to turn. I love him and I told him that I think we are ready to have sex. But we are only in 7th grade should we wait longer?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Satin Desire is correct, a psychologist friend of mine who happens to be male recommends the 6 month mark as well. Others recommend at least 90 days, but every relationship is different and moves at a different pace. I would say longer if you haven't seen eachother a whole lot, maybe shorter duration if you have managed to open up and get through the levels of intimacy quickly, as there are certain levels to a relationship and how intimate it is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): i'm sorry but the previous poster said 5-6 months! that's absurd, 99percent of the male population will go insane after 5-6 months - which btw is fine if your strategy is to target the 1percent of the population. i'd say after 2-4 months the chances of him being only after sex rapidly diminish. hey there are guys who want sex after 1-3 dates let alone several months. finally you'll need to strike a fine line between being a tease & a prude during this courtship period - you'll also need excellent communication skills to let him down gently without pissing him off (technical british term). good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): If you want to have a relationship with this guy because you think he is a great guy, then you would be smart to wait to have sex for as long as possible until you two have a solid foundation of friendship.
Sex does not make for a solid foundation, in fact it can complicate things and end up ruining your chances for a great relationship.
That said sometimes we all make the mistake of having sex too soon, and if they guy is a great guy and he wants to be with you, it won't make a big difference to him in his level of interest. But what it will do is make him feel vulnerable and he may get freaked out and run from you, especially if you start acting like his girlfriend too soon, without him asking you to do that...you know call him for his nightly bed checks, calling him at all, wanting him to spend time with you frequently.
So really one of the most important things is how YOU behave after you have sex.....don't act like it means something to him, that you have him all sown up as your mate for life....because you don't.
Now if you want to protect your heart and make sure he isn't just using you, then the only smart thing to do is to wait. That does not mean that you can't be sexual. Think of going to second base etc, that is being a woman and being sexual with the man you find attractive.....so you can stop at any point and say that is all the farther I want to go right now, but you are a sexy man!!!!!!!! so it is difficult for me to wait, too, but I want to get to know you first......a decent guy will respect you for that and may actually be feeling the same way about it as you are.....he shouldn't mind taking things slow. If he likes you remember he will be happy just to be in your company.
But have sex too soon, and yes you could lose his respect, you could freak him out, or you may end up with a sex buddy and nothing more....it that is what you want then you are on the same page, if it isn't then take your time and get to know whether or not he is worthy of you and of your trust.
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A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (23 March 2009):
 I agree with every post! Its true, it does just depend on the guy but really you should do it when you want to. Think about what you want out of this relationship. Figure out when you want to have sex, do things on your time. Of course its okay to want to make him happy, go ahead do things for him if you want to, but dont let it feel like you have to please him do things for him because you want to, nt so he;ll like you more. ( though Im guilty of that very thing) But really try to figure out what u want, and please do not make the mistake in not communicating. Even people that think they are communcating make the mistake of not communicating lol. I bet that makes a lot of sense lol. What I mean is, make sure you both have some idea of where you both want this relationship to go. Make sure you know each others emotions, through communicating not guessing... guessing/ assuming, that backfires too lol. (I'm guilty as charged with that too!) Anyways I hope that helped! Goodluck w ur relationship!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Well this all just depends on the guy. To put it simply....if he is a decent guy then he wont mind waiting and wont lose interest if he is kept waiting a little while, nor will he lose interest if you do have sex. But if he is a complete jerk and a waste of space, then he will either get bored of waiting or once you have slept with him then he will run off and leave. So its pretty clear - if he doesnt mind waiting then chances are he is a good guy. If he is after one thing then give it another couple of dates and he will give up.
But saying all this, often it doesnt make a difference in how long you wait. Some guys will stick around even if you do sleep with them on the first date or they wont care if they have to wait a month or so to sleep with you!
I guess all I can say is go with your gut instinct - if you get a feeling he is a bit of a player then wait a little longer and see if he does stick around - if he doesnt then you had a lucky escape! But if your gut instinct is to sleep with him then go for it and enjoy it! Only you will know when it feels right, there is no magic number of dates you should wait, the only thing you can do is wait until you feel comfortable enough to sleep with him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Only have sex when it feels right, wait a few weeks until you know each other quite well!x
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