A
female
age
30-35,
*eg2989
writes: Hello all! I was wondering if there is anyone out there whose parter has mild Aspergers syndrome. My boyfriend whom I love deeply and would do anything for, has this condition. I would really apprieciate ideas on how to help and support him. Recently hes been stressed due to a veriety of things. Work, school, our financial situation or lack there of lol. I have added to his stress too. I took an abortion pill two weeks ago ending my first pregnancy, I was emotional, not horribly, but we both have had a hard time dealing with it. I became a bit depressed and it really effected him. When he gets stressed, depressed or frusterated he tends to shut down. He gets very quiet, and pushes everyone away because he needs his own time. Which I completly understand.However he tends to lets things build up to the point where he is so stressed and frusterated he just blows up. He gets a very bad attitude, complains to make me feel terrible, and it often results in a fight. This time however I fought for a resolution. Weve had a talk recently,(about 5 days ago) about how he needs to tell me when hes stressed out, and how hes feeling because I need to know how hes feeling in order to undestand and help him destress. I like to know whats bothering him. He has gotten so much better about talking to me about dealing with his stress and frusterations. Before he used to not say anything until he eventually would just explode! Not EVER in an abusive way at all but when he exploded he would complain and just start acting like a jerk because he was so overwhelmed by things in his life. Unfortuantly he used to take it out on me, which actually turned into a good thing when realized everything was due to lack of communication causing stress in our relationship.( Not to mention we have had a very hard few months.)He somtimes used to feel like he couldnt talk to me, luckily hes hes starting to. Its made a world of differnce. I really want to help him out. I love him very much. We live together, he has a job and goes to college. Hes a very bright, and sweet guy all around. Ive read books and informaion on websites about AS (Aspergers syndrome) but I really would love any insight on how to be more supportive, how to give him space, how to help him talk about things to further improve our relationship and how to help him deal with it.
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female
reader, hannahsmith  +, writes (26 February 2013):
Different people have different ideas and concepts about Aspergers, but in reality aspergers is a treatable disorder, what you need to do is more care and love.
If you want to see real improvements in your bf, then fix a meeting with some mental expert, and discuss about it.
Reference: http://cluas.ie/children/aspergers-syndrome/
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): I think it's pretty sad that there's not a lot of information available about *helping* a partner deal with asperger's syndrome. Relationships can be difficult at the best of times, so i think you're doing really well to support your boyfriend already. Sometimes, i find that when communication with someone with AS becomes fragmented or shuts down, it helps to just ask them outright (obviously with a sensitive and relaxed approached - despite your own possible frustrations) if there is anything on their mind. They may not want to talk at that point, but just offering to listen seems to have a positive psychological effect; ask him if there is anything you can do. Either way, he will appreciate the support - and hopefully continue to open up to you more (as you say he has been doing). Honestly though - I think you're already being a great, supportive girlfriend. However, being a girlfriend of someone with AS myself, i also know that its not always easy on us either, trying to make sense of their sometimes difficult moments. How do you feel you cope with his AS at difficult times? And good luck to you both, honey!
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Have you contacted any forum or support group for adult people with asperger's syndrome? They probably would have more appropriate answers for you.
Asperger Support Network http://seattleaspergers.org/aspieadults.aspx
DANDA http://www.danda.org.uk/pages/about-danda.php
Support Groups - Young Adult/Adult Asperger Syndrome http://www.ahany.org/sg_adult.htm
Northeast Ohio Autism / Asperger's Social Groups & Social Skills Programs http://www.milestones.org/resources_socialgroups.htm
Support Groups in Other States and Countries http://www.aspennj.org/resources_other.asp
You will find many more links and articles when you refine your search to your particular needs or interest on Asperger's Syndrome in adult life.
I suggest you contact the nearest support group for more ideas. They usually can be contacted by email or phone, or you may even be able to visit their office/meeting venue and talk to them directly.
You sound like a very supportive girlfriend. He is very lucky to have you. And yes, do keep that wonderful sense of humour of yours! It's what keeps us sane and helps put things in perspective in life!
Cat
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): honey you have done everything in your power to help him out!you're patient,suppotive,considerate and i'm sure he can see and appreciate all of that.you said it yourself,he's already getting more communicative and i'm not surprised to hear that at all.it's obvious that you love him a lot and he's very lucky to have you!you've already read books,gotten informed,given him space,approached him and already you can see results.all you have to do is keep doing exactly what you're doing and give him time.i think the two of you will be great and,frankly,you're already doing anything that could possibly help.if there's anything else he needs,i'm sure he'll tell you himself.
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