A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How long should you wait to have sex with a man you are seeing if you want to keep him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I would put together the answers given by Lazy Guy and Cnith. There's your answer, in my humble, plagiarized opinion.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 It really don't matter, if we want it bad enough, we will wait and then dump your ass the moment we got it.
What you should be looking for is not a timer but how he really is. NOT to you, he wants in your pants, but to others.
You can't keep a man, if he don't want to stick around.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 alot depends on the guy...i used to b real needy and sleep w/guys the first night. one guy i saw for like 6 months but it just felt like a never ending hookup so i got rid of him. fast forward a yr and were seeing each other again! hes treating me like i totally matter now altho i made him wait 3 weeks b4 we had sex.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (25 May 2010):
Hi,
I agree 100% with Rambini....if you have to sleep with him to "keep him" ..he's not worthy of you.
If he is presssuring you to sleep with him..then you have probaly lost him already.
If you dont respect yrself..then he wont respect you
Goodluck let us know how you get on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): You should wait until you feel ready. If your not ready then you will regret doing it. If he likes you then he will wait untill your ready. If not then he never cared about you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Hi,Honeypie is right, you don't keep men, and in all fairness at your age, you are likely to have more relationships, date more men before you settle with one guy.The important things to consider, if you have to ask how long you should wait before having sex with a guy, it makes it all sound a bit contrived to achieve a particular outcome..and sex, as vital as it is for a relationship to flourish, if you have sex before you know what the person is really like, you risk becoming emotionally involved too soon. Guys don't leave you if you don't have sex with them within a few dates. If they are genuine, like you, want to get to know you, they will respect this and enjoy your company until YOU feel it's the right time. ONLY guys who are seeking sex without strings, are likely to use pushing tactics, to put pressure on you, insist you have sex with within say 3 dates - this is NOT acceptable, and does happen. So take your time, and include sex, making love with someone who you like, trust and feel comfortable with.Jilly x
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A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Wait until he is fully committed to you and only you and has shown that he really cares to also keep you. Some general indicators might be:
1) You've been labeled as his official gf in front of everyone and he has introduced you to his friends
1) Has said "I love you"
2) Has introduced you to his family
Those are very general signs of commitment, but you can also use other indicators.
Although I do not recommend it, I do know of some couples who have slept on the first date and are still together, but from my own experience that only works in like 1% of cases. I slept with someone after 2.5 months and he lost interest in me and dumped me half a month later....
If I had a chance to reverse things, I'd waited for 1,2,3 to have happened, then slept with him.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Men aren't goldfish.. you don't KEEP them...
However, I think it really depends on YOUR morals, values and general ideas. For some it's 6 days, 6 weeks or 6 months.
I guess what it comes down too for me, personally, is that when I was dating, I wanted to feel like I knew who I was involved with and what I was getting into. When I met my first BF we actually dated for 6 months before sleeping together, we were together for 4 1/2 years. It doesn't mean that if we had slept together earlier it wouldn't have lasted... Or if we had waited that it would have lasted longer.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (25 May 2010):
 there is no textbook definition of how long you should wait, it is more about being dignified and demonstrating self respect. if you sleep with them very quickly, their opinion of you may lower, as they think you are like that with all guys.
generally a few months is ok, but it depends on your relationship, how often you see each other, how old you are etc so it is difficult to say exactly. the most important factor is that you feel comfortable, and feel that the relationship has progressed enough that there are strong feelings between you, and mutual trust and respect.
if you respect yourself, the man will respect you too.
best of luck x
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (25 May 2010):
 What an odd question to ask...I wonder if I can do the same to you...How long do you wait to get dressed in the morning in order to keep your job?What?Oh I know, not really related but that's how odd your question comes off to me.You don't keep a man by having sex. If that's your idea of keeping a man you have a TON of heartbreaks coming your way and a lot of men who'll be more than happy to use you.No honey, you don't keep a man with sex. You keep a man, a real man, by being who you are. When the two of you are close and loving, that's when you make love... or you have sex...but either way, you two are in a good place.And to be honest, no one ever "keeps" a man. He stays with you because he wants to, not because he is being kept. I mean, if my bf said to me, I just want to keep you around, it'd make me feel like a piece of furniture. Not good.Raise your self esteem and your worth, babe. If a guy only stays around because you give him sex, that's not a real man. Move his ass out the door.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (25 May 2010):
this is something only you can decide.
I personally have a minimum 6 date rule minimum because I find the guys who are happy to wait tend to be the guys looking for more long term.
The guys who pressure you into it you already know thats all they are looking for because if they cant wait then they aren't really interested anyways.
My six date rule seems to work fine for me and they seem to have much more respect for me.
you eed to make sure you do it when you feel comfortable.
if this is your first time then deffinitly wait till your 100% certain that this is the man you want to lose your virginity to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Until you get to know him and know his motives.
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