A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How long should I wait for my boyfriend to propose? Without giving him any kind of specific time limit, or making it too obvious that I'm waiting? It would be preferable if he did it on his own. But how long is too long to wait? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): This is hard. It depends how long you have been together and what stage you are in, in your relationship. Say you have been dating for six months, he should have vaguely or directly thrown in the talk about marriage. You should know where he stands on it, and if he sees a future with you. I would say set boundaries and stick with them. if your man hasn't mentioned marriage by a year then something is wrong. BUT...................
From your post you are 18-21?/ Very young, so he might not be ready for marriage yet. I am 27, my BF is 35, so if I had dated my man for a year and he hadn't brought it up, I would subtly bring it up and see what he says. If he beats around the bush or is opposed, then I would MOVE ON.
My Bf and I have been topgether 7 months and I have met all his family and friends, and we have discussed marriage and a future together. In my MIND, I have a time frame (18months) After that and no proposal, I walk. But I will not memtion this to him.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 October 2010):
If you're 18-21, you're looking at at least 5 years before you reach the limit of how long is too long to wait. I was with my first bf at 18 years old, we were together for 3.5 years, got engaged after 3 years, and broke up a few months later. Chances are that at that age, you're not mature enough, don't have the resources, and haven't had enough experience to really get engaged and married and have that commitment for life. I've seen too many people get engaged or married young, and then break off engagements or get divorced. So try to slow down. And just enjoy the relationship. I know what it's like to want him to propose, to want him to want to get married and to take the next step. It's so romantic, etc. And maybe people around you are getting engaged or getting married. But the important thing is to both be ready to commit. Because otherwise you'll end up with a ring you have to return and tell everyone the wedding isn't on anymore. Or end up in an unhappy marriage. Just make your relationship a good one. Live together. Work through problems. Be a team. Try to see if you guys could possibly make it for life.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 October 2010):
 CaringGuy is right on the money. There are a lot of steps you both need to take in life before a proposal should be considered.
At your age, you need to start thinking long term. The proposal isn't the end game. The questions you should be asking are:
1. What education level do you want to be at, and how do you want to achieve that?
2. What kind of job do I want to have? What am I good at doing? What do I want to do to become better at what I want to do?
3. What kind of lifestyle do I really want long term? Do I have aspirations of being well off, or if I want kids, do I want them to go to public or private schools? Do I want to be able to travel or support a hobby or pursuit?
4. Does this guy that I'm interested in share my vision for my life? Does he have ambition and pursuits and passions of his own?
5. Where do I see myself in 5, 10, 15, 20 years?
I know that most people aged 18-21 very seldomly ask themselves these questions. However, asking them and keeping goals in mind makes a massive difference!
Finally, understand that you have plenty of time. This (a proposal, a marriage, etc) is absolutely nothing to rush. Enjoy your carefree single lives! Don't be afraid of losing him if you don't somehow push for the commitment. In fact, time reveals a lot of crucial things that impatience can miss.
Even if the answers to the questions I put to you are "I want to be a wife and mother. That's my primary and only goal in life.", that's not enough. It's important to know the goals of the potential husband and father. What was his upbringing? How did his parents treat him? How does he treat his parents? What are his goals? What role do you see a father taking in a family?
Also, since the two major causes of divorce are sex and money, what are his views on handling finances? Does he save money and is responsible, or does he view credit cards as candy and run them up on drinking and short term fun? I think the statistic now is that the average personal credit card debt is about $3,700 and household debt is almost $8,000. Does he have a 401(k) or at least a savings account? Do you?
Also, assuming you want kids, what are your views on discipline, technique of child raising, and such.
Finally, what's your plan if the unthinkable happens and you divorce or lose your husband? Can you raise kids on your own, and if so, what tools have you given yourself as a single person to be self-sufficient?
I know, I sound like a romantic wet blanket, but too many people don't see the forest for the trees. Your guy proposing to you is a tree. You should concentrate on the forest of your life and start asking the questions, and then planning and blueprinting your life.
I wish you much success and happiness!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 You need to know his thoughts on marriage and settling down in general first... and drop just enough hints so that he starts thinking about it, but not too many as to make him feel like you are pressuring him.
A fine balance if you ask me.
Good-luck though :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Added notes that I forgot to mention in my post.
I'm 21, my boyfriend is 27. Though we have discussed it, we haven't gone into many specifics as we're both still in college and dont have jobs. He has another 2 years left, while I have 7 years left. He has told me that he sees a future with me and I know I can't see myself with anyone but him.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 If he's going to propose it's best her doing it on his own, that way it's a nice surprise. Have you 2 discussed the future? How long have you been together? There's no giving him a time limit, because that's being pushy and he'll dump you for feeling pressured.
It depends on how long you have been with him. I'd say anywhere from 2 years+..That's with having talked about the future you guys may share..now if he hasn't mentioned anything about the future, then he may not propose at all. You got to find out if he's ready to settle down, or not. Usually guys 18-22 aren't ready to get married because they're still living it up partying, drinking at the bars, and they're focused on college, getting a career established first.
Don't push it, if it's going to happen it will.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I agree with CaringGuy (who always gives very good answers :-))
At your age you might be waiting a while if you have made no hints that you want him to propose.
Have you talked about marriage yet? How he feels about it?
Couples who are serious about marriage talk to their partners about it first. They assess the pros and cons and how it will effect their lives and how they plan to go about it.
I would say that if you are both wanting to get married in the future, proposing after 3 years is about norm. However, you might want to wait a while longer than that so you can save up. Small weddings in general cost around $20,000
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 October 2010):
At 18/21 years old, you'll be waiting a while. You're both young, and young people who get married to soon more often break up young as well. It's about waiting until you are BOTH ready for marriage, both set up in life. If you were in your mid to late twenties, I'd say that a fair time would be 18 months to three years. Longer than that and you'll be waiting forever. But you're still very young, so you need to talk to him about all this before looking for a proposal.
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