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I told my boyfriend I'm not a virgin and he is ignoring me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2010)
A female India age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Plz help me! i told my bf that i m not a virgin, he is ignoring me and even not talking to me. i m very depressed. my honest kill me, my all happiness is at stake. i m very serious i don't wanna lose this guy. i love him lot.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010):

In your country and religion Virginity is very sacred.

It should not come as a surprise that he does not want anything more with you. I am not condoning his actions but merely telling you hiw it is. And u know this as well. I do find it admirable of you to be honest. And u do not have to be ashamed of your honesty.

It is sad that u both could not get passed the virginity but a valuable lesson for women in India: virginity counts no matter how liberal your thinking is.so before women choose to have sex they must also understand the consequences.

Understand the culture, and the expectations. There are no miracles

LoveGirl

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010):

"Men like this want exclusivity. That means, they think that if they are the first one to have sex with you, that you won't want anyone else. This is crap! And this is really insecurity."

Please lay off the insecurity talk. That's a totally unfair generalization to make just because he wants to be with a virgin.

If you really think the desire for a virgin is that simple and petty then you are deluded. Virginity is not important to everyone (and that's fine) but it has a very deep meaning to some people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010):

He should be happy that you where honest with him. You could of lied and you didn't and he should be happy that he has someone that is honest with him. You cannot build a relationship on lies and being truthful with him is the best thing you could of done and if he doesn't respect that then you should move on to someone that will.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

Don't put all your eggs in one basket sweetie. What I mean is, your happiness shouldn't rely on your relationship only. If he leaves you because of that, it's his loss and your gain. Why? Well, he's obviously not very understanding and accepting. You're in the age range of 22-25! Sexual encounters are perfectly natural, especially at your age.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

Virginity is meaningless, really, in all truth it is meaningless and I've red the Koran and the Bible and a number of other books.

Fidelity and Love are not meaningless.

My wife was not a virgin, not by a long ways, she's had many more lovers than I've had, nor do I have the biggest penis she's ever had, nor am I the most muscular or tallest or shortest or wealthiest or poorest that she's ever had...well, maybe if debt is accounted for I'm the poorest.

Yet she found that with me she she found Love...and acceptance...like she never found before.

This morning, after years and years of marriage, and all the troubles that marriages have to endure, she nestled in my arms before I got up to make her coffee and told me how wonderful she felt...and came to work to kiss me today in the midst of my workday...and brought me flowers on my first workday of the week 4 days ago...and melted in my arms when I hugged her today before she left.

Find Love...with that comes true acceptance.

Find Love first.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010):

It's his choice. I am sorry he is treating you so badly right now but he is probably doing this because he feels so hurt, not because he does not care about you.

If he loves and respects you then he should accept your past. But if he loves and respects himself then he should not marry someone whose past choices will always continue to hurt him. Either way someone gets very hurt.

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A female reader, wannadie15 India +, writes (29 October 2010):

wannadie15 agony auntgirl ignore him..........ignore him badly...forget him n ask him sorry 4 if u hv lost somthin dat is 2 mch important 4 him..n if he comes back running hes all urs if not..he was never urs.............love is love afterall its virgin 4ever..as d feelings r true whn u r truely in love.....its jus a practical approach!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (29 October 2010):

YouWish agony auntIs *he* a virgin???

Aunt honest is right. You did the right thing. If he's getting into a snit because you aren't a virgin, then he did you a favor because he's not for you. You want someone with whom you can be yourself with, and obviously, unless this guy gets over this, he's not the one and someone better is in store for you.

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A female reader, cheannryl Philippines +, writes (29 October 2010):

cheannryl agony auntYeah i agree with honesty.

Maybe he doesn't love you coz if you love someone,you'll accept and love that person completely no matter who she/he is.love doesn't ask why.

You'll find that guy trust me,he'll find you.Don't be sad,you don't deserve a guy like him.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (29 October 2010):

aunt honesty agony auntwell you done the correct thing by being honest with your boyfriend you didnt ruin anything its better to be honest in a relationship and if he cant accept that you have a past like so many other people then he is the one with the problem, just ensure him that you love him and its him you want to spend your life with nobody else.

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