A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this woman a year ago and she is the most incredible woman I have ever met. From the first moment I saw her she took my breath away and the first time we talked she amazed me. We met under circumstances that can only be explained as fate bringing us together. Over the year we have gone from general friends to best friends. We have been on trips together where we shared a room but in different beds (most of the time), had some intimate moments together (that she always finds a way to explain away), and I have met and been involved with her family, friends, and co-workers. Everyone in her life thinks that I'm the one and her mother and grandma are just waiting for us to get married while the rest of the family has basically welcomed me in as though we were dating. I have been treating her with all the love and caring I would a girlfriend, because I feel that is how she deserves to be treated. I send her flowers and goodies to work and all the ladies there are jealous. Her friends have told me that they don't understand why she hasn't scooped me up yet. I absolutely love making her happy in every way and having her in my life has made me happier than I have been in years. However all along she has said we are only friends. We don't act like just friends though with frequent touching and those moments of intimacy where we cross the friendship line. She tells me that she loves me but just as a best friend, however she also tells me that she knows I'm the guy she is going to marry and I feel the same about her. I can't explain it but it is like I found exactly what I've been looking for and can see her being my wife. The problem is that she is asking me to wait while she "finds herself" because she can't be in a relationship right now. She was in a long term relationship of eight years (on and off) that ended just over a year ago (four months before we met). It wasn't a serious relationship in the sense that she says she was never "in love" and doesn't know what that feels like. I'm not sure how much that break-up has influenced her drive to "find herself". How long do I wait for her to find herself? It is killing me to love her as much as I do and yet be limited to friendship. I keep second guessing how she feels about me and am expecting her to tell me that she is in love with someone else. Anybody have some advice for me??
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female
reader, bVs +, writes (12 December 2007):
I think the fact that she was in a long term relationship, man 8 years is a long time, she probably got so used to her ex, and then she feels like she wasted so much time with her ex, so for you to come up lik ethat, and give her that much love, its kind of scary for her, she might be scare of taking the chance of opening her heart to you, just give her time, if you give up, she will be miserable, just show her that you are there for her no matter what...I think she loves you, but she might be afraid of trusting you...yet
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Agree totally with bgagirl2692.
I was in a relationship for 5-6 years and it took me a while to get over it. I LONG while. It takes time to process loss, whether it be death or ending a relationship.
For what it's worth she is doing the right thing. Sounds to me like she's got her head screwed on and knows she's not yet ready for another relationship until she's dealt with the last one.
Be a friend and be patient. Don't pressure her AT ALL. She'll let you know when she's ready. Often after break-ups people rush into another relationship to fill that hole only for it to end in tears.
Good luck and keep us posted with any updates :)
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Give her the time she has asked for and accept that she needs to figure out all these mixed emotions she is having about starting a new relationship. 8 years is a long time and it seems as if she has built sort of a wall as her guard to block any feelings for a person because of her last relationship. Its as if her past has left a scar. Try to understand that she does love you and she just doesnt want to make the same mistake twice. If she asked to be friends for a while to figure out who she is and what she wants, since you love her, accept her decision. She'll come back to you soon if you have patience with her. If you just give up then you'll only prove to her of what she is already afraid of. Dont pressure her about the time she is taking. Simply be patient and let her sort things out with herself. With a little patience, everything come out just the way you wanted it to be.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hi
I think you are on a tight leash here, I don’t know if what u think she feels is encouraged by what the people in her life says to you. Because you need to understand all of them have noticed how much you are into her but don’t understand why she is not reciprocating. People always have something to say so do not allow their belief to determine your future with her. Remember what u need is a relationship with her not them.
Let her decide what she wants because she is the one who has to feel something at the end of the day. I respect her for being able to stand out from this pressure. Otherwise she might just allow you into her life just to please those people is that what you want for a relationship?
I gues her last relationship did hurt her more than you realize and maybe she just want to understand how she let herself be subjected to such an on/off relationship for 8 long years. Maybe she invested herself too much into that relationship more than she is willing to admit to you! How else can you explain this behavior?
She sees all the signs and she is aware of her feelings towards you but whatever she is feeling she is willing to make sure she understands her feelings for you not to just rush things with u and end up at the same circle she was before. I think if you really love her you need to respect her wishes keep on being her friend and stop crossing the friendship boundaries and let her have her space without you complicating things for both of you because you are going too deep and she is enjoying the attention you are giving her at the same time rejecting you. Give her some time and don’t push too much. lets hope she comes around soon rather than later.
Jovial
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A
male
reader, novicenluv +, writes (12 December 2007):
Well my friend, hate to put it this way but I get the feeling she just doesn't love you the way you love her. How do I know this? If she loved you the way you love her then she wouldn't put you through all this agony. Think about this for a moment; would YOU keep on leading her on and using her the way she uses you? I believe she's just waiting for something "better" to come along so that she can drop you like a bad habit; then, if things don't work out with whomever she decides to date, she'll then try to reconnect with you so that you can pick up the pieces and make her whole again so that she can use you and dump you once more. You deserve better!!!
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