A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How long do couples usually date before moving in together? I was dating this guy and we were in a long distance relationship. We had only met about twice in person and he was saying to me that I could move in with him and he would pay my bills for me while I looked for a job in his town. I had already planned to move to his town but didn't want to move in with him and have him pay my bills and stuff. That would have been uncomfortable to me and I told him that. To me that seemed like if we didn't end up staying together that that would be taking advantage of him. We had talked for two months before meeting but this was only about 3 months into us "seeing" each other. I thought couples didn't move in together until they were very serious, engaged or married. Am I wrong about this? He had lived with previous girlfriends but I have never lived with a boyfriend. Is moving in together after a few months a natural progression of a relationship? We ended up breaking up b/c he didn't think our relationship was progressing enough. I was planning to move to where he lived as I had planned that before I even started talking to him b/c most of my family lives in the same town but I just needed time to find a job I would be secure in. Is this what most couples do is just say what the hey and go for it and if it works out great and if not move out?
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female
reader, LublyuYa  +, writes (11 August 2010):
It's not about how long you've been dating, but about how much you know about each other, how comfortable you are in each other's presence and how well you have discussed this move on an emotional and financial level. I moved in with my boyfriend after 4 months, but this was 4 months of us seeing each other almost every single day, even if just for a few hours, and upwards to spending 2-3 days together. We could see that spending a long time together was not a problem for us, we always had something to do or talk about or otherwise were comfortable even just being in each other's presence without doing anything together. Moving in was still different and there are things you have to get used to that are maybe unusual if you never lived with a guy before, but if you talk about potential problems and anything that might worry you openly before hand, it really should not be a problem. So for you I would suggest giving it a trial run since you've only met twice - stay at his place for a couple of days before officially moving and see how it goes.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Dont worry yourself here - you are in the right and he is the unusual party. You said he has lived with a few women in the past, and clearly none have worked out. So what does that tell you? That moving in with someone too fast is a bad idea!
I dated someone for 6 months and moved in with him - 6 months later we hated each other and could not wait to move out! But now I have just moved in with my boyfriend of one year and we are very happy, and all is going well so far. I think 1 year is about the minimum you should be together before you live together, because you really need to know that person inside out.
If he has ended the relationship because you moving to his town was not progressing quick enough then he is an idiot - he clearly just wants to rush into things without even thinking them through. You moving to his town but living separately would have been a very sensible idea and the right thing to do, his idea is just immature and foolish.
Moving in together is a very serious decision - even if you are not buying a property together you are still making a large financial and emotional investment into the relationship, as you will share responsibility for bills, buying things for the house etc. You cannot just up and leave if things are not working when you live together, you have comitted to each other and it is much harder to get out of a relationship when you live together than when you are just dating.
My personal beliefs are that moving in together is the step before marriage (I think it is wise to live together before marriage in order to ensure you are compatible rather than finding out after the marriage ceremony!) - it is almost like saying "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, wake up to you every day and sleep by your side forever." It is not something you can do and then if it doesnt work out just run away quickly! In my experience with my ex who I lived with - we loved each other very much and thought we would be together forever but we just were not compatible when we lived together, it brought out the worst in each other. But because we had signed up for a year long rental agreement, and bought furniture & household bits together, splitting up was very difficult and painful, much more painful than a normal break-up. We broke up but ended up living together for another 5 months because we could not get out of the rental agreement, and that was horrible. Dividing up our stuff was hard work and there was lots of arguments about who had paid for what, contributed to etc.
So please dont think this guy is the "norm", he is clearly in the wrong and cannot see that his past behaviour of rushing into living with his partners is not working out for him. He is just in a repeating cycle and is unlikely to ever be in a succesful relationship if he keeps acting this way.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, im ur angel +, writes (11 August 2010):
i would say maybe 8 months to a year would be about right, that when it seems that you know enough about eachother and then you knolw enough to tolerate his/her ticks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I think that 3 months is plenty enough and you should tell him you would like to wait another month or so before you move in and a few more times of hanging out together would be nice. and the search for a job now, and look at places tell him youll move in for awhile but only untill you find a place so you two can get closer in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (11 August 2010):
With someone like that it would be not not, and he told you that your relationship wasn't progressing? what kind of head games is he playing w/ you? i would get out all together~ and tell him you agree w/ him that your relationship isn't progressing where you would like it to be. i mean what does he exspect from you? not a good start from what i read.
Good Luck!
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