A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's just a general question for all of you out there: How long did it take you to know you were in love (the first time)? And for good measure, how long after that did you tell your significant other?I'm only curious because my boyfriend of exactly two weeks (officially) just dropped the love bomb on me last night. And while I don't doubt the sincerity of his feelings, it just made me a little curious about other people's relationships. :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): My bf and I were friends for several years until one day we fell in love with each other. Within a week he was saying I love you. I told him not to say it as we cannot possibly know and also for me the words "I love you" are loaded to me it means there is now an expectation to carry this relationship further to marriage. I told him I was not ready to be in a real relationship having come out of a divorce where that marriage lasted for 10 years and really messed me up. I used to love my hb with all i had and he betrayed and hurt me so bad i cannot love anyone again. My bf also has an ex that's in his life because they have kids together and knowing she will always be here trying to get him back makes me unwilling to commit to him. It has now been 7 years that my bf and i have been in love and we are still madly in love and yet I am still not ready to be in a real relationship cos I am having trouble getting past baggage from my marriage and his ex clinging to him. And he is still saying "I love you " and I am still telling him not to say it because I am always thinking it can end any time so that means it isn't true. so lately he has started saying "I need you" instead. And that I can safely say back to him.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Ok, I see what you're saying. Two weeks is too early to tell. If you're feeling haven't risen in 2 months of dating then it's not going to happen with this one.
I know you go slow. All women fall in love slower than men. Men can fall in love in a heart beat :)
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (10 January 2013):
My first girlfriend (age 18) it was at least a month of regular dating, maybe two months, before I felt that I loved her. I don't doubt that it was really love, though it hadn't matured into the kind of love you could build a lifetime marriage on.
We broke up after about 6 months and I didn't have another girlfriend for 4 years. The second G/F started out as an LDR, writing letters to each other for 3 months before we actually met. By the time we met in-person I knew that I was on the verge of being in love with her, and expressed that only a couple weeks later. The feeling was pretty much mutual. We married only one year plus two weeks after we first met, and are still married over 38 years later.
Please be honest with your B/F. Acknowledge his feelings, but respectfully and considerately let him know that you aren't yet at a similar emotional level. If you think there are possibilities, tell him that you're willing to give it some time to develop. It might - or it might not.
Some couples take a year or so before they know they're really in love. If he gets possessive, clingy, or seems to be constantly trying to "prove" his love it's likely that he's more infatuated than in-love. Enjoy the attention and his company, but expect the attraction to play out in 6 months to a year.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your input, anon_e_mouse. I understand where you're coming from, but unfortunately, I don't think what you've said is as generalizable to my boyfriend and I as you'd like to think. When I said that I mull things over, I was giving you a glimpse into my personality; not on how I "decide" my feelings. I'm a careful person. I like to take my time.Perhaps, I'm just naive. Perhaps, he really is just playing some sort of game. Perhaps, I'll never be in love with him and we'll part ways in a messy break up that will haunt me until the day I die. Or, maybe I actually have a good understanding and handle on things. Maybe he really is sincere. Maybe he'll be the love of my life and we'll go on to have 10 children and 50 grandchildren. Only time will tell.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2013):
"I do see myself falling in love with him one day."
I don't. Bold statement I know. My view on it is he thinks if he tells you he loves you'll like hime (or maybe even love him) more.
That's not the case. If men keep saying these things they become meaningless after a while. My favourite meal is steak and chips. If I ate it every day, no matter how much I love it now, it will become stale and boring (and no longer my favourite). It's called the law of diminishing returns. Same happens with the "I love you bomb" to a woman. It's a phrase that's thrown around by men all the time. Men can't hear it enough. But women are different.
I do believe he thinks he the luckiest man alive if he is quite a bit older than you, he's landed a gorgeous 18-21 year-old. I bet his friends are all jealous and wondering how the hell he got you.
Of course you're flattered, it's always great to hear that people love you. It's good for your ego and self-esteem but this man's mistake is he said it too soon. My guess is he will continue to say it in the hope you say it back. When you do he will be your love slave forever.
I agree it does take longer for women to fall in love than men. Men can fall in love in an instant (on sight even!). Where I don't believe you will fall in love with him is when you say you like to "mull things over". When you're in love you know it. You don't decide to be in love. You don't think about it and come to the conclusion you're in love. You feel it like lightning has struck you.
Personally, I think the non-stop communication will get boring and predictable after a while. Again, it's the law of diminishing returns. I never understand why people in new relationships do this. You've got all the time in the world to get to know each other gradually. Why rush it? You must already know everything about him by now. What do you talk about on your dates?
Do enjoy your time together and I wish you both all the best though but a guy that says "I love you" after only 2 weeks is not a good sign (for him). For you it's great. His head will be in the clouds when you tell him back one day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your lovely answers! I enjoyed reading through them.To anon_e_mouse: I actually haven't told him I love him. He's much more impulsive and confident than I am. I like to take my time and mull things over. And I'm not good with disclosing my feelings, ever. Haha.I will admit, I am pretty young. But, he's actually quite a bit older than me. I won't disclose our exact ages for the sake of not sparking a criticism-based discussion lol. But he is pretty mature.I'm asking purely out of curiosity. In all seriousness, I do believe he's being sincere. While we've only been together romantically for two weeks, we've known each other for months. It has been a long time of practically non-stop communication and seeing each other whenever we can. While it did take me by surprise, just thinking about how delicately he's taken our friendship-turned-relationship - it makes sense. I know that this isn't the ideal reaction, but I was flattered. And while I plan on taking things slower, I do see myself falling in love with him one day.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
"I'm only curious because my boyfriend of exactly two weeks (officially) just dropped the love bomb on me last night."
Wow! After 2 weeks? That's a bit strong. Mind you, you're both young. Have you told him you love him too?
"And while I don't doubt the sincerity of his feelings, it just made me a little curious about other people's relationships."
Why are you asking? Are you sure you don't doubt the sincerity of his feelings? I'm guessing you are turned off by this and wonder if this is normal?
I told my first girlfriend after a year when she was having a real bad time with her parents divorce. I told her again when we moved in together 3 years later. We were boyfriend and girlfriend after 6 months of knowing each other (she fancied me and I fancied her throughout those 6 months). I told her I didn't 2 years later and ended it when she became a taker.
I've not said it to any others and I've been dating for a good 5 years now. Still, things have changed since I've grown up.
Men do fall in love quicker than women do. Women seem to be more clued up on this stuff than us.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 January 2013):
 he may truly feel it at this point but over time our definition of love changes.
I think two weeks is a bit soon to be honest... but it may just be jumping the gun and not lying.
I usually knew within three months....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): I'm 32 and in the past 12 weeks of dating someone I've truly fallen for the 1st time.
The connection is nothing like I've ever felt before. Though we're taking it slow and going with the flow it feels right. I hate saying goodbye and get manic butterflies when I know I'm seeing.
We spent NYE together and it was the 1st introduction of each others kids at the same time and it was amazing.
He makes me feel like we're the only 2 people on the planet when we're together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): Well, it was actually the first time that I saw him. Maybe it wasn´t the real love, but it was really really strong crush and after a little while I knew I loved him, because we matched really much. Fortunately, he told me that he loved me first, so I just replied him back :) And he told me also after 2 weeks of dating:)
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A
male
reader, tby1 +, writes (7 January 2013):
 I was in a relationship then one day I went to watch my team Tottenham play away to Fulham in the premiership. Out of nowhere me and this women collided, I'm not even lying but it was instant, nothing else mattered I thought I knew what love was, that moment til now perhaps 9 years later I know what love is, and that's how I know what I had was special, and how there's no chance of it happening to me or her again. We suited each other perfectly, bizarrely we even lived in the same town, knew some of the same people and later turned out we knew each other when younger but didn't know this. I think many people never experience what I and the woman I love and adore did. Was special, I'm pleased it happened as I spent 7/8 years of my life with somebody who knew me and I knew them inside out and produced 2 amazing little men out of true love. And then I remind myself I fucked it up, along with some others in the support cast who deserve to be punished and will be over time. Rest of my life will be a case of just existing, not living like the last 3, but I had a special connection and chemistry with my ex.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 January 2013):
It takes me awhile but I think I force it to take longer than it really does. I've said it to 4 girls as an adult (I'm 35 yrs. old).
The first time I swear I meant it even after only a month, but after we broke up I met someone new and learned what love really felt like (it's different than lust but sometimes it's hard to tell). It took a couple of months with her because we didn't move too fast.
The third time was difficult because I thought the girl was perfect for me but she had too many issues to have a successful long term relationship, so I think I loved her but I never said it to her.
The fourth was my wife and she started saying it too soon for my taste (a couple of weeks) and it made me a little uncomfortable only because I want somebody to REALLY know what love is and not just say it to anybody. And I felt like she couldn't possibly love me so soon.
It didn't take me to long to realize that I was going to love her so I began saying it sooner than I would have in the past because I suspected that we would get married and I guess I was right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): For me it took about 7 months to know and 2 weeks to tell him. He'd already said it to me and I wanted to say it immediately but we were in a long distance relationship and I wanted to say it face to face.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): The first time I fell in love was my third love when I was 23. Before that I was a teen so had thought I was in love two times prior. But looking back...not really. I knew I liked him about a month before I met him, we had some mutual friends in common, and I had heard of him and then I saw him at a party and thought he was cute. A month or so later I saw him at another party and talked to him (I already knew who he was), we ended up hitting it off and hung out all night, went out to breakfast, I told him I loved him and we went home together. We hung out everyday after. Two weeks later he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, high school style. We ended up dating for two years, head over heels mad for each other. It was awesome. We broke up. Five years later I met someone else who I am now in love with. The love is different now that I am older. It's more solid. I don't know how else to explain it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): So he was your boyfriend first and then he told you he was in live with you? In my experience it was usually the other way round...
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