A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have recently entered into a relationship been dating a few months and just had the couple talk a few days ago . Already having a few problems .When we were dating I kissed another guy when on vacation when it was New Year's Eve . When asked I said I didn't get with anyone . He asked me today if I kissed anyone while away and I told him . He as really hurt . However we were not in a relationship .Problem kinda resolved ....Which now brings me to my issue . He has a lot of female friends .he is very trustworthy and would never cheat on me.I questioned him about one in particular . He talks highly of her. He says people think they should date but she has a bf. I asked if he would ever hookup with her . He said if they were both single he would deffinaty hookup with her. He said it would never happen as he values her friendship ! So now I feel like crap . How do I move forward knowing he has feelings for a close friend ????i have no male friends I feel anything for !I am older then my bf by five years and this girl is younger than me by 10 years !So my question is do I move forward and know that he has some very fond feelings for a friend??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): We have only been dating two months, official relationship for one week .We talked about us only dating until we had an exclusive conversation about us. Which was after my holiday .He has know his' friend 'since April . His exact words are burned on my head . He said the word defiantly he would be hookup with her .But would never cheat on me or drop me for her . He said if they were both single and she approached him. He would never approach her as he enjoys the relationship .She is away for a few months but she is normally his climbing parter at the gym. So he will be around her a lot when he gets back .This is such a hard choice ! I would feel sad if I had to end it . However it's only been two months but I am feeling insecure about the relationship . She will be back next month . Do I just wait around ?? Or find someone that doesn't have female friends they find attractive ???
A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire  +, writes (7 January 2013):
 I was going to write an essay listing your options then while writing and thinking about it, you really only need one option.Leave him.Even though you should of been prepared for the answer since you initiated the question to start with, and he was only being honest but you should underline the fact he has feelings for another person that should be for YOU.For a start you shouldn't of even been in the suitation or position to raise a question like that to him.He answered that he would 'hook up' with her if the circumstances were right - Where does that put you and your relationship on the scale of importance if said woman were to split up with her boyfriend?Hes telling you that people think that they should date - For people to think this, they've either been flirting alot or he's been freely admitting these feelings to other people.He said it would never happen as he values her friendship - Or hes leading you into a false sense of security until his chance arises.He wouldn't want to bed another woman at arms reach or admit it to you like it's nothing if he gave a rats about your feelings or earning your trust.Save yourself the hurt.x
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (7 January 2013):
 You're supposed to be in the honeymoon phase and even before that kicked off you kissed another guy. I think you need to reassess your own feelings about this relationship, whether it really is the right one for you. Your post is a bit confusing when it reports his feelings. You say:"He said if they were both single he would definitely hookup with her. He said it would never happen as he values her friendship !"So would it happen or wouldn't it? I am not entirely convinced your reporting of his feelings is accurate. My feeling is that the doubts in fact are yours and your projecting those onto him. I have no doubt you are insecure about their friendship but I do doubt whether he ever said they would hook-up. The fact is he is entitled to retain his friends and as long as nothing untoward happens that is all well and good, he is dating you and obviously wants you in that way.I think you need to work to overcome your own insecurities and confront them - that is the way forward. Do you not think you are good enough for him? Do you not think you deserve to be happy? I think these are questions you need to ask yourself and maybe discuss with your partner to see if you can move forward together. Good luck.
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