A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about the "spark." For those of you who are in good stable happy relationship, do you still feel a spark after years and years of being together? I am wondering how important this spark is. I'm with a guy and we have admitted to each other that there's no spark, and yet we don't want to break up (we tried, but we ended up getting back together...)But now that I think about it, I'm worried about how there's no "spark." If it really is necessary, then I feel like this relationship will end up in heartbreak anyway... Esp if one of us meets someone else and feels the spark with that person....So I'm wondering, how important it is. And is it something that can develop? How long does it even last? Or how long should it last?I also heard it's different for men and women, that men usually feel the spark right away whereas it takes time to develop for women (this also worries me because I feel like I can really start to become super attached to him, whereas he'll get more and more indifferent...)?
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 My understanding about 'spark' is this: Spark is sensual feeling, one felt during beginning of relation. Where sense of touch felt alive, and vibrant. Generally it is felt before physical intercourse became routine. As soon as physical intercourse became routine, sense of spark became non to zero.
Here emotional feeling of love is different, couple can keep it alive by exercising creative genus. But, spark is sexual, and it is felt by light touch, or thought of touch, or some time simply by gazing each other. Couple can have sexual intercourse without spark, and felt it as satisfactory, but earlier experience of spark always remain in memory as if it is a piece of art work.
Any one can turn their spark in to light,...but it required good philosophic knowledge, because sexual activity is guided by mind. Anything approaching mind is philosophic. Such enlighten sexual life depend upon knowledge, understanding, and deepest realization....all these thing bring real love....not emotional alone, but enlightening love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): Been married 7 years.Have come close to separating two times.The dratted thing is our sex life is just amazing.We both satisfy each other sexually so well that maybe we do still have the spark.I have read this line but never thought it would happen in my life."Every time is like the first time".His lips have to touch mine and I go up in flames after 7 years.Ha ha No I am not complaining.We do have an emotional spark but not as strong as the sexual spark.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I think its very important. It keeps things exciting and makes you feel attractive and appreciated. Without the spark it could start to feel as though you are becoming more of a friend to your significant other. I speak from experiance: Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he stopped being affactionate and romantic. He got kind of lazy. I am all for that sort of stuff so it really bothered me that he stopped being that way. As soon as one of my guy freinds started giving me more attention and became really flirty, i couldn't stop thiking about it and how much i miss that in my own relationship. It made me question whether i could take being in a relationship where it felt like we turned into just friends. My point is, i believe that if you don't have the spark in your relationship, it sort of makes other ppl more appealing. Thats getting into some pretty dangerous territory. I only want to have eyes for my boyfriend and i only want him to have eyes for me. I want to get it back but i don't think a relationship can be fulfilling without it there.
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A
female
reader, tori2 +, writes (7 June 2010):
Spark is important. As you said yourself...if he feels a spark with another it may lead to heartbreak down the road. You have to find out what you have in common...and work on having fun at it. I have been with my guy for 5 years, and while we love each other the passion seemed to be fading a bit, and I didn't feel he was attracted to me as our lovemaking got less and less. When I found him looking at other woman while out with me, then found he was on an online dating site.... after many sleepless nights and trying to figure out if I should call it quits, we talked about it..His answer was that he got too comfortable in the relationship, and that he is getting older and his sex drive isn't what it used to be. Once this was communicated we started doing more together again, and doing different things, our lovemaking has increased and he has stopped the online stuff. We now have a lot more passion in our lives. It is really important for both to feel loved, and attracted to each other or someone will be more likely to stray. You are communicating with each other and that is so key. Good luck to you both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I'm with my bf since 1 year already and from my side there wasn't a spark. He felt it, but I didn't actually. I'm with him cause he is a good guy. It depends, if you think that it isn't that important you can make it work. Where there is a will there is a way :)
NightFairy
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I've never been in a relationship without the spark so I don't know... When I dated a person and there was no connection/spark/great delight in it, I stopped seeing them. Are you happy? Are you in love? What exactly is "the spark"? Do you click? Do you understand each other? Do you communicate well? Do you laugh and have fun together? Or are you just accepting each others presence? If you grow indifferent to each other I think it is time to leave...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): i think it is very important. its not all consuming, its not something i feel every moment of the day...but its definitly important. catching his eye across the room and feeling that familiar twisting in my belly...well thats brought us through some pretty tough times. love and respect is important, but in my opinion a spark rates right up there with them. because you are right somewhere sometime you will feel it...and then what? mal
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A
female
reader, xXxLisaxXx  +, writes (7 June 2010):
I think a spark is important. But its entirely up to you. Me and my boyfriend still share the spark that brought us together on our first date. Yes we are no longer at that stage where I think 'Omg he cannot see me without my make-up' and 'I must look my best even though I am only going to his to watch a film'. We soon became very comfortable that that isn't important. But the spark can mean different things for different people. The spark for me is where we connect be it emotionally, mentally or physically. Our spark has developed into something wonderful and I feel without that there would no longer be an 'us'.
Do you think that maybe you are both worried about being single? If that's the case then maybe there is no future for the relationship. However only the both of you know and if you feel that this is what you want and want to continue then the best of luck to you. Some relationships may work that way - I think it just depends on the person you are and what you want when you are in a relationship. Maybe reflect on that and see hwat you want and whether the relationship is right for you.
Good Luck! xxx
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (7 June 2010):
 You should stop listening to what you hear on the streets, and statistics. The "sparks" between you and your boyfriend will depend on the two of you. If your relationship consists mainly of sitting on the couch watching tv, then don't expect that great cuddling feeling to bring butterflies for the next three months.
Relationships lose their sparks. That's what happens. Sparks go out of the firecracker eventually, and they will leave your relationship. They're just there to get the fire started. It's up to you, him, your efforts, and your compatability with him, to keep the fire going.
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Overall, though, a relationship cannot work without it, at least I don't think it can.
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male
reader, Kama +, writes (7 June 2010):
is the spark your talking about emotional or sexual or both? They're both important, but the sexual one is usually the first to go. They're certainly not mutually exclusive, either, but anyway, if you're talking about the sexual spark, I'd say it's absolutely crucial. The emotional one has a way of growing steadily; when the sexual one dies out, it's really hard to get it back, though it is possible if both people want to get it back.
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female
reader, Megz 1107  +, writes (7 June 2010):
No I don't think so I didn't have a spark with my bf off to the start he actually had rlly bad timing to ask me out but now it's been like 3weeks and there's butterflies in my stomach just when he wraps his arms around me and give me a hug from behind. If u work on the relationship u don't need a spark at first u just need an open mind and heart
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