A
male
age
30-35,
*akethesnake234
writes:hi, so i have been going out with my girlfriend for a year and two months. This past week she took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. We discussed our options with ourselves and somewhat agreed that we were going to keep it. The next day i discuss it with my parents and they thought that it would be best if I should put it up for adoption because i can not support a baby at this time financially. So i try to discuss this with my girlfriend and she doesn't want any of it. She says that she doesn't want to put it up for adoption because she doesnt want to waste her body for someone elses kid, and she can make it work with having the baby by using food stamps and welfare and by mooching off of her parents. She gave me two options, either we have the baby or abortion. Now i do not believe in abortion, however I am pro choice. Sticking by what i believe in i chose abortion. She decided that she was going to shut me out from her life, since she thinks i want nothing to do with the baby and im being selfish. The truth is i did want to be with her still and if i had the money i would definatly have the baby but i wanted what was best for our future and the child so i thought adoption was the best choice. Now she has cut me off and i dont know what to do. Any ideas?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Well Jake it doesn't matter whether you AGREE to support the baby or not, you WILL be held responsible legally anyway. She may be able to do without your emotional support but I'll bet she'll come after you for child support. Of course the amount is determined by your ability to pay, but you'll be paying something and doing it for 18 years. Now you can officially become a spokesperson for responsible sex practices.
A
male
reader, Jakethesnake234 +, writes (7 June 2010):
Jakethesnake234 is verified as being by the original poster of the question-Thanks!
-Thanks, i understand that adoption would be a hard process to go through thats why at first we decided to keep it. After reviewing the options by myself and with my parents i decided that it was the best for our future.
-Thanks, Yes she still lives at home.
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A
male
reader, the_stranger +, writes (7 June 2010):
teenagers find it so simple to have sex, and even simpler to "fall in love" but as a breeder myself i must say depending on your determination, work ethic, responsibility level, willingness to sacrifice, ability to calm yourself and go on two hours sleep, and your ability to handle bitching from all sides (including your spouse, loved ones etc) basically giving your life as you know it and all. with this in mind take this to hart
1- abortion : guilt, depression, strain and regret a few of the factors that come up after the action is done, she may or may not feel like a whore, or a murderer
2- adoption : security, guilt, indecision, and sometimes reliefe in the knowladge of a better future with an upbringing that wouldnt be avaiable with teen parents
3- keeping it : at any age it is hard to be a parent, no matter if youve had one before or not, when your young you tend to be headstrong, defient, wreckless and all the other cleche things adults say to make you feel like you fucked up, in reality you didnt fuck up, you just added to the population issue lol, but seriously i was 16 when my little girl was born, i knew i was ready, i worked my ass off daily and (inster phrase that would motivate you) but she was taken away after her 3rd day of life, iv seen her only 4 times since then, but im glad she wasnt aborted or put up for adoption, her mother takes good care of her, sry i went off subject lol, but all in all it isnt your call, its up to the mother, if you dont want to raise it and you want to live your life leave her, if you want to stay accept whatever she chooses and go with it, just know it doesnt matter what the right thing to do is, its what you see to be right
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Adoption is a terribly hard process to go through - women bond with their babies during pregnancy so to part with them afterwards is a real trauma for many. Your girlfriend is probably terribly scared of having a baby so young and a bit emotional with her hormones right now. I suggest you write her a letter outlining how you feel and what you want for the future. I think if you want to keep the baby you need to make a financial plan on how to support it - regardless of whether you see the mother or not. I don't think mooching off the parents is so bad at your age - frankly in the current economic climate there are many adult off-spring dependent on the bank of mum and dad. They would also be the grandparents and would probaly not feel this to be a burden. If you are at college you could still get a part-time job and there will come a time in your future when you can be working full-time. Alternatively you could finish your education by distance learning/ evening classes and find a job now (I am assuming you are in college because of your age by the way). Babies are expensive but there are things you can do to 'get by' in the early years like buying a second hand buggy etc. By making a sacrifice in your own life then you are sending a clear message to your girlfriend that you are taking your responsibilities seriously. She may have read 'adoption' to mean you were rejecting her and the relationship future.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I don't think it's likely she shut you out forever. I'm sure she's just mad. Does she still live at home?
You could just go to her house. Give her time to cool off though.
You have a right to your child, if that's what you want.
She asked you to make a decision and you made one. She's to blame for pretending like either answer was fine with her and getting mad at you for the one you gave her. Eventually, she'll take your calls and eventually, she'll talk to you again. you have nine long months of time before that baby is born.
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