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female
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anonymous
writes:do guys think it is important for a woman to take care of herself? i mean like always looking good, having her hair done and nails done? or would they think that she is too high maintenance and be put off??also when a guy moves in with a girl is it important for her to take care of the housework like keeping the house clean, having his dinner ready for him when he gets home? or do you think that if women do this would men take advantage of her and just become plain lazy? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Hi. I think the main problems come after children arrive on the scene. They take all your energy leaving less for you to expend on each other. If she has put on weight after pregnancy and then develops post-natal depression she might resort to drink. This will make her put on weight, may make her absusive, could make her feel isolated, non-communicative or aggressive. Women are delaying motherhood later and later these days - into their late 30's. All of a sudden they don't want to work anymore but can't aford to give up their job if they've landed a 'nice guy' who is several years younger (with less income). Her boozing will age her considerably. He meanwhile might look after himself physically. A gulf opens up and communication breaks down. Moral is that if women want to have their cake and eat it (the career, the job, the children, the lifestyle) then they sure as hell had better support their man to the max. If an older woman blatantly lets herself go, turns to drink (bemoaning the fact that she should have had children in her twenties) and is in a relationship with a younger guy........and if there is no local back-up (relatives etc.) and if there is no money in the kitty for a regular cleaner...well...the omens are not good! So much has been written about what women expect from a man these days. So little in relation to what men expect from a woman. Respect yourself and your man will respect you. Love yourself and your man will love you. Have a strong and adventurous sex drive and your man will love you for ever...........
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): The men I've met definitely like a woman who is well groomed. I make a huge effort when we are going out but when I'm at home I relax a bit more. Fortunately or unfortunately, I prefer to do all the housework and cheerfully too (laundry, home cooked meals, trash, dishes, cleaning, EVERYthing) because of the way I was raised and brainwashed in Africa, so every man I have dated sheds real tears when we break up because they are losing their maid probably. My current boyfriend being a 50/50 Scandinavian acts like he won the lottery. But I also rarely make any financial contributions even when I am working outside the home. I think with all I do they are afraid to ask maybe. Ofcourse this may seem unfair to some but that's how I roll. But I think the number one thing a man looks for above all else is a smile; a well-powdered face with a nasty mouth behind it is probably not going to be popular in the long term. Another thing is confidence in yourself; my male friends always hate it when their model lookalike girlfriends complains constantly about their appearance. Being happy with yourself is a big plus.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): I think it's very important for a woman to take care of herself whilst in a relationship, for so many different reasons.
My wife does make an effort and looks great as a result. She's happy and confident and I always feel proud to introduce her to people or being seen in public with her.
As far as nails, make-up and hair goes I have come to accept that these are necessary expenditures at the end of the month, similar to food and gas! But most importantly it makes her happy to look good, as any husband will know a happy wife = a happy life
As far as house keeping goes I would expect the woman to do the majority as long as she's a stay at home mum or house wife. However, if she is working then it should be split.
In our house I do most of the cleaning and all the ironing (my wife hates it), she does the cooking and the bills.
After our first son she stayed at home for a year but quickly hired a cleaner to come around twice a week - she just doesn't like cleaning....
As your relationship progresses I think people will find their own happy balance in time
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): A man who genuinely loves you thinks what's important to YOU is important to him. Think about what you like in a man and put it in reverse. Do you like a man who takes care of himself? Who showers daily? Who smells nice? Who takes care of his body and health. If you do chances are a man does too. Most people want to be with someone who takes care of themselves. Doesn't mean you have to go out and get your nails done. Get your nails done because YOU want to. That's the kind of thing that most men don't necessarily care about. I have short nails, never stopped me from boys liking me. Do what YOU like and what you want to do. A guy will like you more for being yourself than for trying to impress him. Cooking and cleaning. You should clean your house/apt because you SHOULD. Nobody likes a slob. Do you like to cook? I don't think most men will hold it against you if you can't cook. The more you do the things that interest YOU and only YOUN without worrying what other think, the more interesting you will be to a man. In fact the last guy I dated always pointed that out about me. I love to cook, write, paint, I know about art, about history, I love all kinds of foods, I like to work out and do outdoor activities, I know where I'm going and where I want to be in five years with or without a guy by my side and would always point it out. Figure out who you are and what you like. Do things for yourself. Those are the women that men like the most (in my experience). Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): I think men do expect you to take great care of your personal appearance and look after the house as well and normally the children. Men seem to like women who maintain their body's to a high degree ie. make up, nails done, freshly washed hair and nice clothes. Dressing nicely and not sitting around the house looking like a slob seems to matter a great deal. I have been married 3 times and all the husbands made a point of saying that they thought I should make more of an effort with my appearance whilst at home. I used to sit around in t shirts and pullons or leggings but each one of them commented on how slobby that was and I realised that they actually wanted me to dress up even whilst doing the house work and relaxing. A very clean home is also very important to most men. Personally I couldn't give a flying **** what anyone wears indoors in the privacy of their own home but they all did. Also having legs, underarms and other bits shaved all the time seems to matter. all of this seems to apply if the woman goes out to work too. men want to come home to a well stocked fridge, a very clean home and a well done up, well dressed wife. So much effort!!
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female
reader, Sharon1111  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I don't think it helps much to generalise and talk of "guys" or women. People are all different. People in a relationship need to work out these things for themselves. There is no univerally applicable rule book in the sky. Telling a person they SHOULD act in a certain way because the rules say so is naive.
What do you want and think is ok? Then find a guy who will match this. Maybe you both will have to adjust a bit. If one tries to tell the other what to do, this is controlling and usually leads to trouble of some sort.
How much housework the woman does is by negotiation. Some men and women have the outdated ideas on this that earlier generations in different circumstances had. But if a person is reasonable and/or stands their ground (nicely), this person will hopefully change their ideas. Fairness comes into it, eg, if both work or study, 50-50 sounds reasonable in 2010. But, if the guy works and the woman stays home, she should surely do more housework than he does unless she has a health problem or is very busy with children.
It is important to learn how to communicate well with each other so that solutions can be found. Some people with personality problems are sadly unable to converse and negotiate fairly and reasonably and these relationships will not be close and they can be hell on earth and may not last.
You cannot assume a person will stay if he or she is not happy. But both need to be happy or things won't work out well. So it is important to choose a paertner who suits you: look and think before you jump in. As the saying goes, "Marry in haste and repent at leisure". That still applies if one adjusts the word "marriage".
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I think there is a fine balance when it comes to a woman looking after herself and being high maintenance. I think nails can actually be a defining point in this - if you have to have your false nails applied weekly, and cant type on your phone properly, and cant lift or do anything in fear of breaking a nail - then you are high maintenance. But if you just pain your nails yourself when you are going out, or have a manicure every now and then, and just keep your nails neat and tidy - this is a good balance. Not many men like the false nails look, it is a bit cheap and tacky. But men do want you to look nice and take care of yourself, so keeping your nails neat is always good.
I dont really think women should ever dress, or do their hair, makeup etc with a man in mind. Of course your man will never want you to let yourself go (as in put on weight, stop exercising, stop doing your hair, only wear tracksuits 24/7 etc) but I honestly believe us girls should start dressing to make ourselves happy, and to start liking the way we look - rather than obsessing over what a man will like. Ask yourself - is it important to you to have your hair done? Is it important to you to look good? Do you feel happy when you have made an effort with your appearance? Or would you feel fake if you had done your hair, make-up etc?
I personally enjoy doing my hair and make-up, I like to exercise to keep myself in some sort of shape and I generally feel better about myself when I feel I am looking attractive. I dont do it for the sake of my boyfriend (who of course appreciates it) I only do it because it makes me happy and feel confident. My boyfriend always compliments me when I have made an effort with my appearance, but then he also always tells me I look beautiful in the mornings when I wake up with no make-up on and bed hair!
I think what men like is a girl to look natural - they dont want fake (well a few men like the whole Jordan, enhanced look but I would say they are a relatively small minority). Men dont want a girl who takes forever to get ready, who cant go anywhere without a full make-up bag and hair straighteners, who cant bear to be seen with no make-up on etc. That is the definition of high-maintenance, someone who cant live without all that stuff and is totally obsessed with the way she looks. Being self-centered and obsessed with your looks is never attractive!
But a girl that keeps herself in shape, who makes an effort to look really nice from time to time, who always looks great when you go out as a couple (men love their girlfriend's to look good in front of their friends because after all, you are a reflection on your boyfriend and vice versa so if you look good then he will love showing you off!) That is all thats really important - you dont have to be made-up and looking perfect all the time, that is just silly and unrealistic. But dont let yourself go either and never make an effort - that is equally as bad!
As for your housework question - this really varies on both of your personalities and the way you were brought up. If you and him were both brought up where the male and female roles in the house are quite traditional then there would be some level of expectation from him for you to look after the house. But if he is quite a modern man, where he believes women are equal and everything should be split 50/50 then he should be doing half of everything around the house.
If you work and bring in a similar amount of money as him, and you work similar hours.....and he expects you to pay an equal share of the rent/mortgage/bills then you should not be doing all of the housework. You work just as hard as him and pay the exact same as him therefore you are equal partners in this house hence you cannot be expected to do it all. However if you for example only work part time while he works full time, and you dont have to contribute as much financially then I personally think it is the right thing for the partner who is working less and contributing less to take more responsibility for the house. This would apply if you worked more than him and he didnt contribute so much financially - he should be spending more time on housework.
It is a very tough question to ask - after all some men are still quite traditional but then again a lot of men these days, especially under the age of 30, are quite modern and dont see women in such a traditional way anymore. But where you need to be careful is if you are paying your share for the house and working the same amount as him - dont do all the housework otherwise he will get lazy and come to expect it. If he wants to treat you as an equal in terms of your work and financially he must be an equal in the house too. It is nice to be taken care of - women like their man to take care of them and men like to feel their partner is looking after them too. But it must be a balance, if you end up doing everything he will take advantage.
So yes it is nice to have his dinner ready when he comes home, but only once in a while so he does appreciate it rather than come to expect it. Yes it is nice to come home to a clean house but only if you have the time for it! I know when I move in with my boyfriend in the summer I have told him from the start we will have a cleaner - we can afford it and because I work full time (the same hours as him plus I'm pushing for a promotion) I just dont have the time or the inclination to spend all my spare time cleaning, washing and ironing. I am quite traditional myself - I actually like the idea of looking after my man by having the house clean, all his washing done, ironing done, cooking for him....but in today's world this is just not possible if you work full time and are expected to contribute an equal share of money for the house/bills and everything else.
So this one depends on you, your boyfriend and your situation when you move in together!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 March 2010):
It's important for a woman to take care of herself, but for own her sake more than a man's. If a woman doesn't take care of herself and isn't happy with herself, the right man will assume that she's unhappy and will avoid her. So the most important thing is that a woman is happy with herself and takes care of herself for her own sake.
As for chores and cooking, it should really be 50/50, not just a woman doing everything. A good guy will want a girlfriend, not another mother. and certainly there are men who will become lazy and make a woman do everything. So always do 50/50
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