A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright... So my bf (sorta) and i just got out of a really big argument... We are long distance I had cheated, but believe me i have learned my lesson.. and i realize how much he means to me.. i would never ever cheat again.. it was the first time i ever have and it was a huge mistake...The part that's hard with all this is that he says we "technically" arent together... he loves me but says that if i ever cheated again that he would cut off all ties completely and wants me as a friend... so we are planning to stay friends until i am supposed to move up there this summer... the hard part for me is getting used to him being a friend again... i want so badly to tell him i love him and call him all those sweet names...he told me to view this as me being single and said that i can get all these things out of my system if i wanna see other guys...but there is nothing left in my system i dont wanna be with other guys.. at all. i'm having a hard time adapting to this whole idea and i've already brought it up to him.. i'll see him again in 3 months.. and he said we will talk about it then in person...so my question.. how do i deal with getting over the relationship part.. and switch back to friend mode? i'm really emotional and like to express my feelings but idk what to do with this.. what do i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, robot  +, writes (2 March 2010):
You should tell the truth about how you feel but you need to be prepared for and accept what ever response you get.
It is sad that you discovered your true feelings after the affair, and as you say, it is a lesson learned, but frankly, he cannot be blamed for feeling that he cannot trust you. It would take a big commitment from you both to get over an affair and get to where you would like to be. You cannot make someone decide to make that commitment. You must respect him to make his own choices, so tell him how you feel so that he can decide what to do.
It may seem crass of me to say this, but he is not the only person you will ever love. If he turns you down, then you will need to spend some time looking after yourself doing things you enjoy, on your own or with new friends, and not too much time in his company. Your feelings for him will not go away in a hurry, and the more time you spend with him the harder it will be to move on in your life.
So, try to calm down and go and see him face to face, specifically to tell him how you feel, and ask him if he'll take you back. I don't see why you need to wait three months. Remember, you cannot pressure him into a choice, but you have to listen and accept his answer however painful.
I hope that helps and good luck.
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