A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for about 1 1/2 years and he is the man I love. I am a very happy girl with him and we care about each other a great deal. One niggling problem though is his reluctance to show me affection. I am quite an affectionate person and feel that small gestures are important in showing your love for someone. I quite often try to be playful, or hold his hand while we're out, give him a little peck on the cheek or cuddle up to him when we're home but he doesn't respond. I ask for a cuddle and his idea of this is to lay on the sofa or bed and let me put my arms round him. It's like it makes him uncomfortable to show affection to me and the only time he likes to get close is when he feels like having sex. If I feel like having sex and want to initiate things I feel like I'm stepping on eggshells as he doesn't want to as much as I do and is quick to push me away or complain he's too tired if I am overly-forward. I am also always the one to say 'I love you' first. I might add that he has always been this way, it is not like a gradual change that has come with the mundanity of a long-term relationship, he just seems a little shy when it comes to the lovey-dovey stuff!I have tried talking to him about it a while ago and he admits he has had trouble in previous relationships as he finds it hard to show affection. He said he is just not that sort of person, and that it does make him uncomfortable. He said that just because he doesn't say it, or even show it, all the time, doesn't mean the feelings aren't there. As far as I am aware, there is no ex-girlfriend or bad experiences in his past that would make him scarred of opening up a bit more, the only thing that's happened to him was his parents separation when he was a child and they are still on good speaking terms with each other and him. After our conversation he did try to make a bit more of an effort sending nice 'how's you day going?' texts and sending silly pictures to me but that's not what I meant.He really is amazing, I know he cares and I know he does love me, but he loves me in his way, which is so far from my way of loving that I sometimes fail to see it. I'm not talking full blown romance and public displays of affection. Just the occasional 'good morning I love you' text that would make me smile, or a subtle squeeze of my hips when we're out to make me know he's thinking loving thoughts.I don't want to pressure him to change to the point where he's not comfortable, I've put my feelings across to him once, so I don't think talking about it again will make either of us feel better about it. My concern is it makes me a bit paranoid that maybe he doesn't feel the same way, I used to be so confident, and I hate to admit but I feel self-conscious, to the point where I long to have sex, or have a cuddle or a kiss with him and I just don't have the confidence to initiate things as I don't want him to reject me. I just wait for him. My question is, has anyone ever had this with their partner? Or had their partner crave more affection from themselves? Is this a serious problem that will start to bother me more? Should I accept the way he is, or is this really something that shows we are incompatible?Everyone needs to feel loved, but the times I feel truly loved and appreciated are getting few and far between. What can I do?
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male
reader, hrangel28  +, writes (15 April 2013):
You really poured your heart out on this situation, and in! Saying that I can really tell that you Love this person. However, if this other person has an issue showing affection towards the person that they Love, then it seems that something is not right. There is something in him that makes him feel this way. The thing also, is that they, themselves cannot realize what the problem or what the cause is. I am pretty sure if you revisit his past, and look closer you'll be able to find something that was overlooked. If I am wrong, then the question to ask yourself is, "Can you live like this, maybe for a while or foreve?'Just don't give up. If you really Love him stick with him and always have hope and faith.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 April 2013):
 You've described a rather one-sided "relationship"... in which HE gets all he wants... and YOU starve (intimately).
Decide, now, if you're content with that for the indefinite future. If you're NOT (content) then get yourself a new "boyfriend"... 'cuz guys DON'T change this detail......
Good luck....
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