A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi people! I know this is a common question on here, I just wanted to know how I can overcome jealousy?its a horrible feeling n its effecting my life..I also have a problem with comparing my life to others n finding how much more better their life is incomparison to mine, I keep regreting things n wish I did things in the past. I just want to be happy n appreciate life and become more secure about myself n be sucessfull in everything..I dnt seem to believe in myself enough I get scared..the good thing is I try not to show it other people and cover it up. I also have a problem with becoming close to people, for example my gf has some very good friends that she has made..I never say it but deep down i wish i had that closeness n comfort with my friends..i dont understand why im like this. Help me someone please its driving me mad i cant cope anymore..
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male
reader, RdCs +, writes (8 December 2009):
Hi!
I know exactly how you feel, although applied to a different context. I find it difficult to accept what I have and to take things for granted, and I know all to well that it's a horrible feeling, not just a feeling, but it affects your everyday existence and day-to-day actions and reactions.
So don't worry you're not alone!
I'm trying to overcome what I believe to be jealousy so strong that it's affecting my judgement, my social life and my academic work. So what you have to do is put your feelings in proportion. Instead of envying others, be glad that they are happy with such material things - that is all they are, material things.
Sometimes with such feelings of envy come waves and spouts of incredible respect for the person in question, followed by deep loathing and disrespect. What you have to do is depersonalise the sitation. I look at how I react to certain things and judge them critically; you soon realise that you might have overreacted over that or been inconsiderate and cold in this.
This is a highly abstract piece of advice I understand, so I apologise in advance. But, good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): As humans our feeling can be so powerful. So powerful, that we sometimes mistake them for reality. Our feelings dont make a thing true simply because we "feel". You are good enough, smart enough, likable enough. You are 'enough' of everything that you have been created in this universe to be. Just do all you can with what you have been given and don't focus on being like others. Be the best self you can be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I've read the problems and opinions stated on the issue at hand but to be honest, I have'nt seen a solution for them. First you must admit you have theese feelings. Be HONEST with yourself. The TRUTH will make you free. Accept responsibility for being where you are right now.Many times people are tempted to blame others. Forgive yourself for not knowing what to do in the past. Learn what successful people do,read,etc. Listen to people who are successful. Remove all people and things which remind you of your previous state.Last but not at all least, begin to DO what successful people do and in due time you yourself will experience success. It's called the law of attraction. If we position ourself for success it's surprize once found, vice versa. Hope this helps. WAYNE
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): my friend, i feel the same almost all the time and i feel the worst person in the whole world for this.
the only thing i do is to pray to God that one day i could be happy with all the things He has giving me and that i could be happy for the good things that happen to other people. i sure know how you feel more than you think.
i will ask you to pray with me so one day God could free us from this pain.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Jealousy is rife in the world today especially in relationships. Feelings such as jealousy are based on fear and do not come from love at all, we say we feel like this BECAUSE we love the person but this isn't the case at all. Jealousy comes from wanting to possess and wanting to own or have. One cannot own another being or even the mind of another being. One being cannot live for another. Remember that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear immobilizes and makes it virtually impossible for people to think effectively because it bypasses the pre frontal cortex and goes directly to your right brain emotional center and is thus not even analyzed first!
Feelings such as guilt and worry are in the same category. See what benefits you could possibly derive from sitting in your favourite chair and contemplating as well as experiencing these feelings intensely for a few hours? None of course because they do not deliver any benefit other than getting you into an even greater state of fear. So you see, that jealousy, guilt, fear and worry all belong in the trash bin because they do not deliver any benefit whatsoever. Love on the other hand will get you to understand and be less fearful. This in turn will make it possible for you to experience joy and bliss.
Remember always: You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK. Be careful because the universe will deliver that which you THINK!
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): Concentrate on what you have. You can never compete with people that have special aptitudes or special abilities, many of which can't even be acquired! You can learn to fructify your own opportunities, but you cannot compete with those who have been favoured by special circumstances or events or benefits, or have intensified their efforts. Comparisons are not very helpful, except for poems when they are passionate and imaginative. In real life many times they are of destructive nature, when they act upon the cohesion of a colectivity. Imagine for example pointing out to your child how his siblings are good in this and that respect he is not very successful in. Instead of encouraging him you create tenseness and certainly not wanted competition. When our self esteem is low we tend to see what others have more compared to us. We don't notice there are people who have less. Being too preoccupied to serve our inertia we let it control us instead of us taking the helm. As a trick, instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself with... yourself in another stage - observe how you have been managing, how you progressed. Appreciate that. Even the fact you are acknowledging this problem you should consider progressing. If you wish to have as close friends as your girlfriend's, it is only a natural reaction and not necessarily should it be classified as envy. Maybe you've been very selective or withdrawn. You can always change whatever strategy proves inefficient in a department and learn from your choices. Believe more and be your [own] reference point! All the best.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx  +, writes (16 November 2007):
 HeyFirst know that these feelings are normal and MANY other people experience this type of feeling on and off throughout their lives. I struggle with it personally very much. What helps me when I start comparing myself to others is to be extremely pragmatic and accept the variety in life. You MUST accept the variety in human existence. This fact is HARSH and hard to accept but real, and once we stop cowering away from the fact that we are all different but all equally beautiful, we can start to be happy. With this new happiness comes internal motivation to embrace the very things in life that you envy about others. Second, knowledge is power....read self help books, books on relationships, books on how to be a better friend, how to communicate better, how to love better, how to pick up girls, how to be self confident, how to save money, how to cook...whatever. You will feel better i guarantee it...the more you read the more empowered you are and the more you will naturally start doing. Third...be empathetic....stop being so selfish....think about the poor people in mexico, in africa, in india, in anywhere really, people who have fuxed up family lives...whose parents left them, whose parents died, who are fat are not good looking have pimples...whatever. There are people that think your life would be amazing. Start HELPING these people who are sad to become HAPPY and it will make you happy about your own life GUARANTEEEEED!!!!
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