A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What does a woman feel when she rejects?Contempt for the guy who tries? A sense of guilt? Pity? Or maybe she has very little thought of why? Or maybe she feels superior?Does she ever think that she may hurt the man? Does she ever think about hurtful consequences of rejection for the guy?Are most of the rejections cold? Or maybe she has pangs of conscience in specific situations?Any comments? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I am not sure what kind of rejection we are talking about here , it's surely different rejecting somebody after 20 years of marriage, or after a chat on Facebook.
Assuming you are talking about run-of-the-mill, everyday rejections- he asks her out on a date and she turns you down, she won't feel particularly anything. Probably a bit embarassed, and wary he may start kind of making a fuss like you in your post. I don't think she feels guilty or has pangs of conscience- nor she should. She is entitled to make what she feels is the right decision for her, and she surely is not supposed to fake feelings or attraction just to not disappoint her suitors !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): The rejection will, no matter what, ALWAYS be for a reason. If he's sleazy, rough or rude, then obviously I wouldn't feel bad, it would be nice to knock the guy down a peg or two. If he's genuine, nice, but just not her type, not for her at the minute, or just not going to happen for whatever reason, she'll probably be kinder and more sympathetic. She doesn't need to give an explanation, because she'll have her own reasons. She may feel a little bad, but it's unlikely she'll ponder it for long, or worry about 'long term mental damage' on the man's part, because at the end of the day, she knew it was the right choice for her and that accepting would have been detrimental for her and maybe the man in the long run. She has her own mind, and will make decisions based on her own feelings. 'Superior' is a stupid way to put it, she won't do it just to hurt someone. Maybe they will be hurt, but she'd rather hurt them a little now, then hurt both herself and the man in the long run, when she leaves the obviously flawed relationship.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 It would totally depend on the situation and the relationship the woman has to the man making the advance. Myself, I always feel sad about rejecting a guy. I feel flattered that they have shown an interest in me and sorry to have to turn them down for whatever reason. If however the guy is someone who won't take no for an answer I would feel peeved that I had to tell him again that I'm not interested. If it is a guy who is beeing sleezy in a bar and is just after a shag, I wouldn't feel bad for rejecting him as much. But I'm the kind of person that emphathises with other people naturally so I always feel for the person.
What you seem to be questioning is whether women are coldhearted and think nothing of rejecting men, and would even laugh at and feel superior to the men that try for their affections. Well maybe some women are like this, but maybe some men are also?
It depends on the person. If a person is arrogant, narcissistic and conceited they won't care about another's feelings. But because one person(woman) is like this, it doesn't mean everyone is.
How do YOU feel when you reject a woman? I'd imagine your feelings aren't much different to a womans in this situation. But like I say, it depends on the type of person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): When I've rejected a man in the past (usually for a concete reason), I feel relief and usually I don't think about them again unless they keep bothering me. Then I get annoyed.
You seem to suspect that she must feel something towards you even in rejection; contempt or superiority. It seems the worst scenario for you would be to contemplate that she might be indifferent. Indifference is probably the hardest emotion to accept from someone you care about. I've been there too a couple times. It's not easy at all.
But convincing yourself that she's malignant in some way is only flattering yourself at her expense. You'll get over it in time.
Good luck.
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (21 January 2011):
It depends on what the circumstances are that lead to the rejecting.
If the guy was an acquaintance or friend, then awkwardness, guilt, discomfort, hoping we don't hurt them too much.
If the guy was a stranger that was nice, flattered and maybe uncomfortable about rejecting them.
If the guy was obnoxious or acting like a jerk, or hitting on us even though they knew we were happily in a relationship or something, then definitely contempt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): It does depend on a lot of factors of course but if you are talking about the general guy-asks-girl-out-on-date kinda rejection then this is what I have to say. Speaking as a female who has rejected multiple men (due to being in a long term relationship for years and years), I can say that its never easy or fun. I always feel so bad that it has to go down that road. Most the time, since I am in college and my boyfriend isnt, they dont believe I even have a boyfriend and think Im just saying it. In my experience, when I girl says that its usually true. And for me anyway, even if I dont know the guy at all, I admire his courage (as long as he isnt rude. If hes rude I usually ignore him completely) and wish him the best. But like I said, never easy to turn someone down but they do get some respect out of me either way.
Everyone is different and I am sure there are some girls who get power trips from it but those are the girls you should be glad rejected you anyway. I think in general though, no one likes to hurt someone else's feelings. But hey, thats just me and Im just one girl out of many.
Sorry for your pain and good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 This depends on who the man is that we reject. If he is someone we know and care about, it can be painful to reject him as we do not wish to cause him pain. It can be awkward and embarrassing as well, and actually some women just accept instead of rejecting simply because they don't want to hurt the person, or they pity him.
Then if it is a complete stranger there is no sympathy. It is cold hearted. If it was a stupid man who was not being nice to us we reject him happily and may even laugh at him. If it is a man who was nice, but that we just aren't interested in we reject politely, but there will be no feelings connected to it.
When I reject guys I do not know personally, I don't feel anything in particular for the man I rejected. Perhaps I wish him the best of luck with someone else, but I don't care about him at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Well, I've been rejected once. I think she feels pity. Like, the girl who rejected me actually thought I was gonna cry when she rejected me. But, she went over it and told me. Well, she feels nice to a guy and just tells 'em she can be friends if shes not looking for a guy yet. But still, It depends on the girl.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Wow, feeling pretty upset huh. Sorry she rejected you dude.
Everyone is different, so different women will feel differently about rejecting a guy. How do you feel when you reject women. Ask yourself these questions. It's pretty much the same for women.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (20 January 2011):
 hi
it depends on the individual woman. it depends on the circumstances also of the rejection. are you talking about a woman who leaves a relationship? (of varying lengths of time) leaves a fling? leaves a marriage? rejects a man after a one night stand, rejects the the offer of a date, rejects the offer of friendship?
it depends also how the man has treated her (in the case of a failed relationship) if he has treated her like rubbish, she will feel better about leaving him than if he has treated her well but she has fallen out of love with him or decided that she doesn't want to pursue the relationship any further for some reason, but he is not fault.
its a very broad question you have asked here, would you like to tell us more? ultimately though the only one who can really tell you is the particular woman concerned
xx
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