A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering?We know each other for 10 years. Boyfriend for 6 years and best friend 4 years. We're not couple anymore, however we spend the same among of time together, do the same things, he tells me love u and miss u everyday. Basically, everything is the same, kissing (not french), hugs, "everything" but not intimate for the past 4 years. Aug 2010 I found some pics in his computer, credit card charges, 1 month prior to discovery I saw a girl name calling him around 8pm but didn't think much. I confronted him and he told me dec 09 - 5 weeks, no sex, end cause she kissed him and he decided it was wrong so he ended. He said he was stress, need to vent, no date, just friends... WOW! All thes answers don't match pics, credit card bills and timming.. If ended jan 2010 why july, after 7 mos I woman would keep calling a guy that end the friendship/relationship? Is she that desperate? I am sure not! I know he's lying. Nothing he said made sense.. I know 100% he's lying, hidding the truth and not being honest..So: since we're just friends not couple, I am not girlfriend or wife. 2 things bother me:I don't understand1) why he was lying, making excuses, hiding, dating this girl behind my back? During the time he was dating, he was doing the same things, calling me, doing things together..I didn't see a change at all. 2) Now that I know, why he keep lying, denying? Don't tell me the truth and after 5mos he still not admit anything? I saw a pic of them kissing, however he said that was the only kiss? LOL! and the reason why the end..Pls any opinions to why he's behaving this way? we're just friends, but why can't he just be honest, admit and tell me the truth?I tried everything 1 can imagine, I told him I was ok, not mad, just want to understand and know the truth. HELP!!Thanks in advance! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for taking the time to answer my doubts..
I agree w/everybodys opinions. I feel so much better & appreciate everyones help..
I am 37 years old & its silly of my part to feel this way..I was a little lost & confused but I know what's best for me now..
Thank you so much friends!
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (21 January 2011):
 I have to admit I don't understand why you care so much if you are just "best friends."
Obviously, he feels it would hurt you, that's why he keeps it secret.
What is this "best friends" nonsense after all? You are both spending the same amount of time together, you are affectionate with each other, you care about each other...what made you decide not to date, and why aren't you??
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (21 January 2011):
I have to admit I don't understand why you care so much if you are just "best friends."
Obviously, he feels it would hurt you, that's why he keeps it secret.
What is this "best friends" nonsense after all? You are both spending the same amount of time together, you are affectionate with each other, you care about each other...what made you decide not to date, and why aren't you??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): if you're not a couple anymore, then his dating whomever isn't "behind your back"
he has a right to a private life and his own private thoughts, that doesn't involve sharing with you the details, because YOU ARE NOT A COUPLE
I think the problem is blurred boundaries and lack of being on the same page as far as what the status of your relationship with each other is. or that you haven't actually moved on from him even though you supposedly have not been a couple anymore for 4 years.
You say you two are not a couple and haven't been for 4 years and yet you two are still retaining some "couple-like" behaviors and traditions that cross the boundaries of a platonic friendship.
It's confusing if you're still kissing and still saying "I love you" and so on. This is inappropriate behavior for a platonic friendship. If he were dating someone new, that new woman would have every right to be jealous and suspicious of you and thus he might want to keep you and her separate because of that hence his secrecy. But this is kinda screwed up too.
It sounds like you need to discuss with him and set boundaries for your friendship. The boundaries are always blurred when you used to be a couple but now are "just friends", and furthermore if you still have feelings for him.
Obviously you feel he should be informing you of what goes on in his love life, but he doesn't feel he should or has to. Ultimately you need to define or re-define the boundaries of your friendship so that it does not prevent either of you from "moving on" into new romantic relationships.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 He feels that he has done wrong by you therefore he is being a coward and not telling you the truth. It sounds to me like he still loves you and wants to be with you therefore he is denying that he dated these girls in case you end the friendship and he doesnt have a chance to get you back. I guess it is up to you what you do now. But make it clear to him that you dont believe him and ask him why he feels the need to lie when you are not his girlfriend. Goodluck.
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