A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My wife is pregnant with triplets. We are prepared with all the stuff they will need like diapers, bottles, clothes, beds, etc, but I am not mentally prepared at all.Twins run in her family but I never thought we'd have triplets. Especially not the first time around. We've only been married for a year so we're going straight from newlyweds to full time parents of three. It's a lot to comprehend. I am not ready to be a dad to three children just yet.But I don't have a lot of time. She's 30 weeks so the babies are likely to come soon. How can I prepare myself? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2021): One thing....rest now while you can.You will be fine...Do not worry.When they are born you will have so much love in your heart like you never have had in your life.Congrats daddy.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 September 2021):
 Wow! No advice, just CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2021): You need to grow up.
I mean it.
Most adults are STUNNED when then become aware of how little grown up they are.
Here's what I mean by that:
- they have their own definitions of what their obligations are and they get angry/unhappy/bored when once they have met them they are not left alone to do what they want to do.
- they believe that others are here for them, their own kids included
- they are resistant to change unless it's their idea
First myth you have to deal with is that life is a gift you bestowed upon your kids for which they owe you eternal gratitude.
Truth? They didn't ask to be born. You had them for whatever reason and you're responsible for helping them grow up into responsible and healthy adults. They are not here to satisfy your needs to experience parenthood, although you are free to enjoy the process and hopefully you will.
The only way to make this happen is to invest your TIME and ENERGY. Money cannot compensate for an absent and/or disinterested father. If you want to have a relationship with your kids when they become interesting - because let's face it for some people babies are a chore - you need to interest them in you from the start! You need to be there for them. You need to make the bond. You need to make that bond inside yourself. How? Take care of them and spend time with them. Bathe them, feed them, change them, put them to bed, wake up when they do and do whatever needs to done, go to their doctor's appointments... get to know them. Get to know their lives and interests as they expand. Don't be the father they need to put up their best faces for when he gets home.
I guess you see why many "adults" feel unhappy once the baby comes - in you case OMG 3!
Second myth is that if you are a "solid couple" to begin with everything will come naturally. It won't. You need to organise and share and VOICE everything and not take anything for granted.
Be prepared that whatever problems you may have had in your marriage - everybody has some - will become even more visible. So deal with them honestly and openly, preferably BEFORE they become real problems.
Don't let the resentment settle in.
Your wife is going through some big changes, mentally and physically and she NEEDS you to be there for her too. So if you want this to work you need to take this into consideration as well.
If you want to do your best and enjoy this than parenthood needs to be your mission, the mission you and your wife share, and not just one part of your life. One of many.
You can be still very much alive, man, husband, friend, son, brother, employee of the month.... but know that from now on being a father is your priority. It will make you a better person, husband, brother, son, etc.
And if I may, understand that your kids are HUMAN and as such can make mistakes. You will do them no favors by ignoring them or refusing to accept their limitations.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (13 September 2021):
Congratulations. Check out MultiplesNZ which is a non-profit organisation supporting parents who have multiple births. I did try to copy and paste the link but no luck. Their website offers moral support as well as links to other organisations and government assistance.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 September 2021):
 Congrats! That is more than a handful or two, isn't it!?
I'd get myself a book or two.
And then PREPARE for NOT getting much sleep.
Enlist the help of family and friends. Not everyone can afford a night nanny or a babysitter round the clock, so ask family and friends (you trust) for a couple of hours of their time. So your wife (mainly) can GET some rest, can go shower, eat some food in peace and quiet.
Be the BEST you can be at communicating with your partner. It is important that you BOTH know you are BOTH in this together. And that you can TALK to each other, lean on each other, and ask for HELP from each other.
Buy diapers and wipes now. Stock up. There are 3 of them so they will go through a literal SHIT-TON of diapers (nappies?)
Learn to prioritize. With my first daughter, I would run around and clean when she slept. And because she didn't sleep for more than 4 hours, I was exhausted. She then had colic and for 19 months I felt I didn't get more than 2 hours in a row. So yeah, PRIORITIZE taking a nap if ALL 3 are napping rather than cleaning the house.
By the time I had #2 (2 years later), I would try and arrange naptime for #1 and #2 and nap myself with them. I would run around and clean with one strapped to me (Babybjörn) and the other playing near me.
Synchronize everything. So feed them at the same time, change diapers at the same time, bathe them at the same time, try and have them nap at the same time. Sometimes that might mean you have to wake one up so they are on the same schedule. I would do that. It just makes things easier. Think conveyer belt at a factory lol. Easier to make 3 bottles, change 3 diapers right after each other instead of going from changing one diaper and making one bottle and then back to diaper etc. Get a rhythm going.
And REMEMBER to enjoy this and these little wonders. You might be tired, you might feel a little off-kilter but they grow fast. It won't be long before they start crawling and then walking and then they are off to Uni! :)
I googled a book you might wanna look at.
Triplets? Relax!: Tips to Guide You Through the First Year, Sanity Intact Paperback – February 3, 2012
by Victoria Adams (Author)
Good luck! You and your wife can do this :) I hope your wife's delivery will be smooth and easy.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (13 September 2021):
Well done for reaching out and being honest that you don't feel mentally ready to be a father of triplets. Unfortunatley there is no book to help being a parent after they are born.
But there are parenting classes that you can take, councelling to help with the anxiety and hopefully family to help in the early days.
It's going to take some getting used to when they are born but the first thing you guys should focus on is getting those babies into a routine as soon as you get them home.
Trust me, it will all be ok.
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