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female
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anonymous
writes: How do you tell a friend you've fallen in love with them without risking your friendship? I'm too scared to say anything to a male friend of mine. We had feelings for each other since we were classmates in college, but I knew he was uncertain about dating a friend, so I put those feelings aside for a while. I went to live overseas, but now that I'm back in my hometown I've fallen for him all over again. We've hardly seen each other for two years, only the occasional e-mail. He still lives in our hometown and we're catching up in a few weeks at a party. I want to tell him I love him and always have, but am scared of his reaction, I don't want to ruin our friendship. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I'd said something to him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): Grr, no I haven't told him yet and the more I think about it the more I'm freaking out. I guess we weren't exactly really close friends, just college chums I suppose who happened to keep in touch after grad. The only way I knew he had feelings for me is thru another friend of ours whom he confided in. (She probably shouldn't have said anything, since he told her in confidence, but I'm glad she let me know). The fact we weren't REALLY close makes me sort of think, well, I haven't got too much to lose, then. Right? It's not like we hang out every day. You know what? I'm going to tell him. The party's not for another week and a half, so I'm going to wait till then, have a couple of drinks, sit him down and talk to him. Or take him for a walk outside, maybe that'd be better since we'd be alone and in the fresh air. Or maybe I can send him a text message after the party. I don't know. I've decided I will tell him, now I just don;t know how I should do it...I'm stressing out over this!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): im in the exact same predicament!!!, i dunno what to do either have you told him yet??
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (20 August 2006):
 "But I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I'd said something to him."
Ay, there's the rub.
Honey, you feel caught between two seemingly opposite poles - friendship and the chance for romance. I've been there a few times. You want to know if he returns your feelings but you want to do it in a low-risk fashion.
How things turn out depends entirely on the strength of the non-romantic relationship you have with your friend. Do you know if this guy is a kindred spirit? Have you spent enough time together to know for sure that he would do anything for you and you for him?
The answers to these two questions only become apparent over time. Why? Actions are how you determine the answers. If both of you exchange reciprocal acts of true friendship (like dropping everything to come to the other person's aid) and this happens consistently over the years, you know you have a kindred spirit in each other. And then you have a real chance for the bonus - a lasting romantic relationship.
Bottom line: Be patient and work on shoring up the non-romantic part of your relationship with this guy. The more time you spend with him without the pressure of romance, the more you will learn (risk-free).
I recommend you watch a movie called "When Harry Met Sally." If you can get past the Hollywood cliches and 1980's feel of the flick, you will see how two acquaintances become best friends over the years and then become lovers.
Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, sugersweet02 +, writes (20 August 2006):
 hi
i just want to say try and find out if he treats you like a girl a boy/girl. i mean by boy/girl if he discusses other girls with you or tells you 'thats girl is hot' expressions to you, this means if so you have no further relationship and you would ruin your relationship with if you tell him. but if he treats you like a girl girl and gives you compliments go for it girl
best luck xxx
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A
female
reader, sugersweet02 +, writes (20 August 2006):
hi
i just want to say try and find out if he treats you like a girl a boy/girl. i mean by boy/girl if he discusses other girls with you or tells you 'thats girl is hot' expressions to you, this means if so you have no further relationship and you would ruin your relationship with if you tell him. but if he treats you like a girl girl and gives you compliments go for it girl
best luck xxx
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A
female
reader, sugersweet02 +, writes (20 August 2006):
hi
i just want to say try and find out if he treats you like a girl a boy/girl. i mean by boy/girl if he discusses other girls with you or tells you 'thats girl is hot' expressions to you, this means if so you have no further relationship and you would ruin your relationship with if you tell him. but if he treats you like a girl girl and gives you compliments go for it girl
best luck xxx
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 well either way like you have to let him know how you feel because if you dont you'll regret it for the rest of your life! You say that you send each other emails, how about emailing him and let him know all your true feelings right then and there. This way you'll not see his reaction if its a bad one and then he'll have a chance to answer you back letting you know how he feels on it
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