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How do you stay friends after breaking up? Is it possible?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 18 July 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *ancergirl2012 writes:

i was with my boyfriend for 1year and 9 months, yesterday he broke up with me, we agreed to stay friends, i havent seen him since but i think that it is doable, but others say staying friends is impossible, what can i do to make it easier to stay friends? i cant lose him we were best friends before we went out.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (18 July 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt It's not possible until either one has a lingering romantic attachment . So, not now, because " I can't lose him " suggest there's more at play emotionally than just a normal friendship.

In future, maybe yes, when you'll have completely moved on , and be with someone else... But by then, you'll probably find out that keeping this friend or not is rather indifferent to you :)

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A female reader, Sugarbuns Australia +, writes (18 July 2012):

Sugarbuns agony auntNo it's not possible. At least not at first. Give it 5 or 6 years...then maybe.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2012):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntIf you're still in love with him it will make it harder for you to get over him if you keep seeing him. At the very least you will probably need a break from one another (several weeks at least) before you can try to be friends. It's very hard, I know, because the (ex) partner is also the best friend. Try to hang out with your other friends as much as possible. It will help stop you missing your ex so much. Don't expect to hang out with him nearly as much as you did before - you may be very disappointed when that doesn't happen. Good luck, hope everything works out for you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (17 July 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI think it comes down to a lot of things.

How the relationship ended.

Why you want to be around that person still.

How long it's been since it ended.

Out of my 3 Exes I only talk to one of them and it's rare we "talk" (mostly e-mails) I think it took a good 10-12 months after we broke up before we could talk. We didn't have a dramatic break up either.

Honestly, in general I'm not a fan of being friends with an ex. I just don't see the point for the most part. In my case he was/is very close to my Dad and was very close with my Mom (before she passes). My parents love/loved him as a second son. I think they always will.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI don't recommend it.

friendly yes

civil yes

but FRIENDS... nope... not easy to do...

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (17 July 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntSome people can handle it, but it didn't work for most people I know. One person in the relationship usually finds it hard if not impossible to change his/her thinking over to being "just friends". If you stay "friends" one of you will likely continue to hope that things will go back to the way they used to be and you will likely be confused because a lot of the same behaviors and habits will be there from when you were in a relationship. It is very hard to let go or change the romantic feelings you once had and it holds you back from moving on. I believe you can still be on friendly terms as acquaintances, but to see one another, talk, and do things as friends on a regular basis is difficult. You can try it, but you will likely feel as if he is still your boyfriend. You will be upset if he starts telling you about dating other girls and what all they do together. This is why it is very hard to do and why a lot of people fail at it.

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