A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have come to the realisation that I dont have any true friends. All my friends pretty much treat me like dirt (emotionally abusive, use me, manipulate me, lie to me etc...) and ive finally had a enough of it and am giving up on them. Some of these friends ive had since I was 5, and some since I was 13. Im now 19. Im a really shy person and have always found it hard talking to new people and i take a while to develop friendships- this is partly the reason i put up with these bad friendships for so long because i was to scared to put myself out there to make new friends. So im here for advice on how to develop new friendships...There is this girl in one of my university classes who always comes and sits with me and talks alot to me and id like to be friends with her but i just dont know how to get things started if you know what i mean. im really scared about suggesting we do something out of class. how do you know if a person is just being friendly or if they want to be friends? sometimes i just feel like im all alone because everyone else seems to have such close friendships, and i dont see why they would want another friendm especially me. if i was to ask them to hang out, id feel like im intruding or something.please help!
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male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 "always comes and sits with me and talks a lot to me"
It sounds like she is already your friend! Why don't you just tag along with her. You don't make friends with someone by saying "do you want to be my friend?" you just tag along with people. Why don't you just casually suggest you do something as simple as get some food or a drink together then build from there? That's how friendships usually start.
"scared to put myself out there to make new friends"
Well, you're going to have to. Friends don't come to find you; you have to go and find them. Being at Uni you have a FANTASTIC chance to make lots and lots of friends!! And people at Uni are always more friendly than people in, say, school.
It sounds like you have a really low opinion of yourself -- which won't help you at all. Have you tried talking to a counsellor to understand why you are so shy and why you have such a low opinion of yourself? I think that's something you should maybe think about doing. If you can't believe in yourself as a person, why should other people?
Of course you have the rest of your life to make new friends, but I'll talk from experience and say to you that being at Uni you have the chance to make MANY worthy and long-lasting friends; you are around lots of friendly and like-minded people (especially people on your course) who would welcome you as a friend.
Uni is the only place in your whole life where you will be around like minded friendly people; so seize the chance NOW and make many friends.
Don't leave it too late.
Take care.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 The best way to approach seeing uni/work mates out of those areas is to find common ground. Do you like to go out to pubs or clubs? I think start by asking what she is doing on the weekends, mention you're bored of your usual activities and looking for something to do.
Otherwise if you share lunch breaks at uni go for a drink or grab a bite to eat off campus, if you dont have breaks together then suggest coffee or a drink after uni.
I can't see why a friendly person that clearly enjoys your company wouldn't be open to the idea of catching up out of uni, sorry to hear about your trouble with your former friends and good luck to you!
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