A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year and our problem is that her sex drive dwarves mine.I do enjoy sex with her but only on an approximate 2-3 times a week basis, and this seems far too little for her. It never really sememed a problem to start with but after a couple of months whenever I said I wasn't in the mood, she'd take it as a rejection and start crying. After a while I would have sex with her just to avoid the confrontation. One thing that I havn't told my girlfriend is that I do sleep with her less than my previous couple of girlfriends but this could be due to my age and sex not being such an exciting new thing.Is having sex 2-3 times a week really that bad? How can I get her to stop pressuring me?Thanks in advance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): You know what, im in the same situation, but im only in your girlfriend's shoes. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. In the beginning it was fine. But now, my boyfriend sleeps with me maybe 2 times in a week if im lucky, but it is usually one time. And he only wants to do it when he is babelas. It agrivates me and also makes me cry when I tell him that im in the mood, and he tells me that he is not. He doesn't even compromise. It makes us woman ugly and used. Just there for when you want it. (Rejection is one thing that can make a woman look around...) We always argue and he is one of those people who won't do it if he doesn't want to. So, now I just keep it to myself, and most of the time, I satisfy myself... I find that in that way, I keep the piece. But, whenever he is in the mood it doesn't matter whether I am or not.. I have to be honest, I think of getting someone to help me out every once in a while. BUT, Im not a person who'll cheat on the one person I love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): Have you got a screw loose? Your girlfriend is a nymphomaniac, and you want to slow her down? Forget it. Trying to supress her sex drive will only cause it to become stronger. You need to either decide you can live with your sex-crazed girlfriend (lucky bas***d), or give her up, so someone who will appreciate her gifts can enjoy her. You have no idea what a good deal you have going. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about getting a prescription for Viagra...
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (15 September 2008):
 I went through a stage when I felt ugly and unwanted if my husband didnt want sex every night like I did!! Its normal to have different sexual peaks at different times to each other, she may be peaking right now and you are simply not. Another way to look at is that she may feel that sex = love ergo if you dont want sex you dont love her.
It sounds to me though that maybe it has become, 1: expected of you to have sex, i.e. she is pressuring you and 2: you are stuck in a boring sexual rut where you perform the same ritual and routine time and time again. She plays with you, you play with her, you get on and bobs your uncle.
So spice it up, try new things, make it exciting again and you might find you enjoy it so much you want it more. Make if fresh and if it is boring, tell her to spice it up too x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): I think that if lack of sex were the only issue then she would be merely frustrated, not crying, not pushing the issue.
I think she is feeling unloved, unwanted or just plain old unattractive and having sex would reaffirm the love or attraction she feels may have dwindled?
I feel there is this mentality that a man should always want sex so as a female, being turned down for sex by a man may seem like a personal rejection.
I don't think it is an issue of the sex needing to be more intense when you do have it, as another female with a high sex drive no matter how good the sex is I am always ready for more.
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A
female
reader, heather1105  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 I'm speaking from experience with a friend.
She "needed" sex to make her feel important.
If her husband didn't sleep with her as often as she liked, she thought there was something wrong with her or he was losing interest.
Unfortunately sweetie, this is going to be a battle for you. Women tend to carry on and on until they get the answer they want and in this case, you're not going to be able to. All you can do is be honest with her and tell her that there is more to your relationship than sex and that you are happy with the way things are between you two.
She will eventually suck the life out of you with her crying and such if she doesn't get an answer that makes her happy. It will drive you and her crazy.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): I wish I was getting it three times a week!
Maybe you should focus on quality rather than quantity? If on those 3 occasions you were to give her a *REALLY* good seeing-to, with plenty of foreplay and oral that left her gasping for breath, virtually unable to speak and with her legs quivering she might not need so much frequency? Perhaps she feels unfulfilled? If you can't keep up with her maybe some toys might help you to drag out the proceedings?
I can only guess at why she doesn't think 3 times a week is sufficient, but it might be worth asking her.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 First things first: you're not that old to be unable to have sex two or three times a week. Much to the contrary, you're young enough to be having sex three times a day. You gave us the clue to the problem: for you, "sex is not such an exciting new thing". From your own words, I can conclude that, if sex were "an exciting new thing", you would have it more often.
It is possible for people your age to become uninterested in sex, or not to be that interested on it anymore, but then something puts you permanently in the mood.
It seems to me that sex is just the visible manifestation of a deeper issue, and I don't know who should be doing the thinking. At first sight, I would say that, personal wishes apart, anyone can understand that a partner might not want sex as frequently. Not like it, mind you, but understand it. Why does she think that the number of times you have sex with her is the measure of your love for her? I don't know. Is it her issue, or has she noticed something in you, or both?
Having sex with someone just to avoid the confrontation seems the way to hide problems instead of solving them.
Perhaps you can go halfway, and, say, "sacrify" yourself one more time per week? That way, she will notice a change in your behavior, and will be more willing to discuss matters.
By the way, don't tell your girlfriend you are sleeping with her less frequently than with other girls. If you don't want much worse trouble, that is.
Hope this helps.
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