A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you get over someone you truely love, and have loved for more years than you can remember?I am in love with this wonderful man, but due to circumstances, I doubt we will ever be together. My heart aches for him, he makes me laugh, smile and he is my best friend. We connect on every single level. The connection we have I cannot explain....I just know. I know that people say, when you fall in love, "you just know", and they are right. You do just know. The feelings and emotions can't be explained or described, its just a gut feeling inside. No man I have ever dated since I met him (years), have ever come close to him, and I have never felt the same strength of feeling or emotion that I get with him with any other guy. I have tried to date other men, I have tried to forget him, to get him out of my head, but it never works. I know that these men are not right, and it just feels so wrong to be with them.I am desperate. What can I do to stop feeling this. How can you stop loving someone when you cannot be with the man you love and it's tearing you up inside?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I feel the same. It's been three years since my first love left me. I've had a couple boyfriends and plenty of dates since him. But no one else feels right. I can't see myself ever loving another person in my life. I feel hopeless and doomed. My heart still hurts everyday. I even see him sometimes and we ended badly so we just look away. And I die a little more everytime. I feel like I am not capable of loving or being loved and without love i don't see the use in living life. Sometimes i just dont know what to do anymore.... it hurts too much and this sounds horrible but it helps a little to know others feel this feeling. because HE doesnt know it and i try so hard to hide it from friends and family. But it hurts and it wont stop.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): I know exactly what you are talking about. I was with someone for 6 years and i was so much in love with the person just the thought of not being together would killed me. I remember months or maybe years after we brokeup i was still hurting if a certain song was on the radio i would just breakdown and cry if i was alone. He was my everything but it just didn't turned out how i wanted it to. It took me years to get him out of my system and even now sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were still together, but i realised that life is short and you cannot just not be happy. Even though i still love that person i still had to live my life so i tried to make the best of it. Today i am married to a very wonderful person that i would have never expected to be my husband because we were just friends not thinking about getting together are anything like that. I have had many sleepless nights crying to much to count so you will evetually get over it just don't rush it. What had helped me was the fact that i had a lot of persons to talk to i would find myself tell everyone that same stories over and over but it helped, and even you think that you might die you won't I was there praying nights and days for God to take away the pain but eventually you will be good. Hope this helps
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): I don't really think you would like my answer, but me you, when I say, nobody in this world, and I mean nobody, can understand you the way you do. 'I' is a very important word. This i have learnt through experiences. There are many things in this world that fascinates us. One such being is companionship. And nothing better than it being accompanied with eternal bliss, understanding, unlimited freedom. I am sure you know what I am talking about by now. But it doesn't have to be. You had a great time. A wonderful time. A memorable time. Just be happy it happened in the first place and move on. Life is but a collection of memories and experiences. And what better time than now to start adding to that wonderful list. Live your life like there is no tomorrow. Take care. I hope it helps. It helped me. God Bless you.
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A
female
reader, Debking79  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,Thank you for the additional information. How heartbreaking!In light of this, I think patience and mutual respect are the keys. Long distance relationships do work as long as there is a strong level of communication. If one or both of you is married with kids, nothing can happen until the marriage(s) end (for the sake of both of you - the I am going to leave my "wife/husband" line is the oldest in the book). If someone is sick in either of your families, be there for each other as best as you can - take trips to visit. Without knowing more about the situation, I cannot say more. I am only guessing at what could be keeping you apart and I tend to be a bit cynical when it comes to the point where a romance is so painful. (In my mind - Something has to be wrong for it to not be possible, but that is just me).I do know that I have seen a lot of people get taken for a ride, and I hope you are not one of them.Sorry for ranting, I really believe patience and mutual respect will conquer any physical rift.Good luck!!Cheers,Deb
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers.
It is so hard. It is not unrequited love, we know we both love each other. It just seems like the world is conspiring against us. Whenever we are close to being together, something always comes along and throws a spanner in the works. University, life, jobs, family problems (which we both have in bucket loads at the moment).
There is so much that goes between us, which no one else ever hears. We are on one wavelength, and my heart aches for him whenever we are apart. When we are together, its like we can take on the world. But it is the world now, which is stopping us. Real life, real problems which we cannot control. I have to put other people before me, and so does he, which means we cant be together. No matter how much we feel for each other, at the moment it just is not possible, and I am scared that it will never happen. It just seems like the world is conspiring against us.
I have known for many years, that he was the one. We parted before university, and lost touch for a few years, but no guy ever matched up to him. The feelings I felt were just wrong, fake. It was not right. I tried to forget him, I tried to find other guys but it was always him. I know people think that true love isnt real, but I have never loved anyone the way I love him.
There seems to be no way around our situation at the moment, and it breaks my heart. I just want a bit of luck for us. I dont know what to do.
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A
female
reader, Debking79 +, writes (13 September 2009):
Dear Anonymous,Thank you for sharing your painful situation. Unrequited love is one of the oldest and most heartbreaking tales. My own heart ached when I read your post.I don't believe there really is an answer. Time, patience, faith, willingness to endure and to keep looking. One of the things I have noticed about us humans is that when our hearts break it is a raw and tormenting feeling which can make us feel like we have hit rock bottom. But there is a concrete bottom. With love, there is no such limit. Have you ever heard a new mother or father say that when they first saw their newborn child they never thought they could love anything and want to do right by anything as much in their whole life? And then, child number two comes along, and the same feeling returns as strong and fulfilling as the first time?You will always love this man. Please don't try to push those feelings out of your heart - it is part of who you are. Over time, if you continue to move on with your life and keep your head up, you may realize one morning that the ache in your chest isn't as sharp as it once was, but that you will still love him. If you keep your heart open, regardless of how many dates disappoint you, you may one day find that there is room for another. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck, sweety!Cheers,Deb
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (13 September 2009):
 It takes time to find someone else to fill the void.
I don't know what to tell you. I can't be with the woman I love deeply as my profile says.
There's no easy solution for this one. You just have to keep searching until you find someone else.
Others here will say there's no such thing as soulmates, that there are more than 1 person to suit your life-time plan.
I know its very hard to get over him. But sometimes, I think, we are so enamored with the image of the person we fell in love with, that love blinds us to the reality of it all.
You didn't say why he can't be with you, which is problematic in trying to find out why you can't get over him.
If it was meant to be, then your man would've made any sacrifice possible to be with you. But if he can't do that, then obviously you're in love with him, but its not reciprocated. That is unless he was killed and that's why you can't be with him.
So the only thing you can do is search. Keep looking. The right man will be there sometime down the road. And hopefully he'll never leave.
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