A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I do not want to have sex with my husband anymore. I found out he cheated on my five months ago and since then I have had absolutely no desire to have any kind of sexual contact with him. We have been through couseling, but it seems like nothing was accomplished. The couseler didn't even go through any steps on how to get through the whole being cheated on. I keep thinking that now that I'm not sleeping with him I wouldn't care if he went out and slept with some one else, but its a lie, it would still bother me if he did it again.
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (17 August 2009):
 You need something from him that you're not getting. You need to figure out what that is... is he repentant? taking steps to protect you from future pain? does he know what caused him to cheat? Are you testing him/setting him up? Explore your feelings and that means wading through the pain, don't hide from it.
And just wondering... why should you get over it? Are you being pressured to "get over it"? give yourself permission to not have sex with him until you are ready... You are likely filled with rage, hurt,jealousy, hate insecurity and so many uncontrollable emotions including love that your only sense control is over your own body... you need that for right now (not forever, but right now).
People are probably getting sick of me saying this but look at marriagebuilders.com it will give you the steps you are looking for.
A
male
reader, Mr. Adviser +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I can't possibly imagine getting over such a thing. One must realize there are just somethings you cannot forget. You may not be able to get over it, but you may possibly find a way to deal with the fact. You counselor should be able to provide this information.
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