A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recenty got suspicious of my husband. Normally following business trips over ten years he leaves me to unpack his case and now he empties it immediately and washes his dirty laundry that he never does laundry. Last week I was involved in a minor car accident and got up at one am as I couldn't sleep and he came downstairs straight away and quickly grabbed his phone from the office. Next day I made an excuse to look at his new iPhone and went straight to the delete bin on emails. I found five emails from the same sender. The first read I miss u and the second used his name saying I am taking off my bra and panties would u like me to make myself c--- I miss u. I was devasted. He delted the emails and claimed they never existed and left for two days. I told him it was over and texted numerous times asking for an explanation. Eventually he told me u won't believe me but it was just from an Internet site I signed up on for fun with girls and never spoken to her a stranger. Since I forgave him but it's eating away at me. Prior to his last business trip he had googled brothels in the area he was going to I found out after. Do these Internet sites has girls emailing strangers as innocent as he claims. I try to talk about it and he gets mad I don't trust him saying it was harmless and I don't understand how a stranger would say she missed him if he has never met her. I am confused. Am I a stupid wife believing lies or an untrusting wife that is making a big deal out of an innocent thing he signed up out if crusiosity. This also follows him saying medication he is taking has killed his sexdrive and we only have sex maybe once a month now. I put a lot of weight on when I was pregnant a year ago so I also question whether that is why. Help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): my darling, you are not meddling. you need to address this, i know you have tried but he just got the better of you, and he makes you think you are losing your mind isn't it. your hb is so sneaky, an answer for everything, even the scratch marks from a rough sex activity. this is so painful, yes you love him but you need to know what the hell he is up to. seems like he will not admit this even thought he is caught with his pants down. i'm afraid, if you got the money get a PI involved. you know he will not come clean. so you need to provide the evidence for him to see. get visuals as well. i aslo think there is a gps tacking for vehicles as well.
yo know he is cheating, you just need the proof. please talk to an attorney about your situation. do your homework. show your hb that you are taking charge and you are controlling your destiny. do not give him the upper hand and do not allow him to victimise you. you do not have to apologise for your behaviour, you have done nothing wrong. he is being a sod, so beat him at his game and show him you would not go down without a fight.
please make him aware that you are having a STI/HIV test done. oh, and make people close to you aware of your finding. Men hate it when their wives pass on the tid bits t others. they think that the wife will be so ashmaed that her home is not 100% that she will hide away the dirty laundry so to speak. he is playing mind games with you and he needs to be taught a lesson. drop the bamb on him, but make sure you escape .
A
male
reader, deafguy  +, writes (17 August 2009):
have you thought that he might have sex addiction problem and may need to go to group that might help you both out?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i tried to talk to him about the emails which turned into an argument and he left on his bike five hours ago and i don't know where he is. He told me that he has put a password on his phone because it's none of my f in business. I also came across 3 tshirts I had never seen and he said he just found one in his gymbag which he hasn't been to for ages and the other two he said he lent from a friend??? He told me nothing happened on the Internet and I need therapy. I neglected to me to mention also that when he left when I first found the emails I went through his recepts in his office which or restaurants in the area all roughly the same tine of day for approx $80 and specific dates that he told mr he was stuck at work. He also said he lost the spare key to the safe about six months ago an so I do t have access to it anymore. He only takes me to the restaurants now that he doesn't go to by himself an anytime I suggest those places he says he doesn't like then anymore but then I find out he goes there all the time. He had scratch marks on his back once in the middle and said he did it with a back scratcher. He always told me which hotel was at more emergencies on business trips an stopped telling me months ago and stopped phoning me hardley at all when he was away. All the evidence is terrible but I'm still scared that what if it's all innocent and my medalling or inability to get past it is what destroys my marriage. He says he is crazy about mr and never cheated on me and even after ten years I get flutters when I see him and just love him so much. I don't know what to do. He won't talk to me
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): don't even bother abput a PI . You have the evidence but he denies it. you are not a stupid trusting wife. just a wife who has opened her eyes to her hb's indescretions. better still, just hire the PI for concrete proof. better the proof so that you can tackle his cheating ways. if you have wacted the tv programme "cheaters" you will also note, although the PI fet inrefutable eveidence of the cheaters on camera they still try to lie their way out. regarding the meds - big fat lie- he is getting it elsewhere. the weight issue. how old is the baby? if you are not breastfeeding maybe consider taking some across the counter diet pills. this is a short term solution. you need to start execising actively. join a gym. start eating healthy meals as well. prioritise your lifestyle and invest in your on life. you may be overweight but his is not the end of the world- cut the hair(or re style it), apply some makeup, try a new hobby, go out with friends. get yourself busy with yourself. shorter hair may may you look younger so try this. just invest in yourself going forward. you may be a mum and wife but you are still a woman.
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A
female
reader, haley92  +, writes (16 August 2009):
honestly i would hire a private investigator. gather your findings after a few months and set the evidence infront of your husband and have him explain everything.honestly i think hes cheating because online service girls do not usually say i miss to their clients! i think you have a good enough reason to hire someone!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): You are not imagining a thing. I agree with the last post that you should hire a Private Investigator otherwise he will always find an excuse or reason which will literally drive you insane with wondering. As long as you want to know I would strongly recommend you take that approach. Personally, whether or not he is sleeping with prostitutes or having an affair with a work colleague I would protect your own sexual health by absteining from intercourse with your husband. All the evidence you describe points to infidelity. I doubt you will ever trust him so ensure you get the facts from a professional and then you can clearly and confidently move on with your life without all this doubt. The fact he gets angry at YOU for asking him about it all is a big give-away. Don't waste your life.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Get a private investigator theres companies that specialize in this and get proof even in the face of proof people like this will still lie.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Adviser +, writes (16 August 2009):
 I don't believe you are stupid or untrusting at all. Your findings are valid and he is obviously up to something. You would think after the first findings he would have stopped. Apparently not. It is easy to believe someone you love and trust. So don't beat up on yourself for someone elses lackings. I would however suggest you do some serious talking with him, and personally I would not stay with this person
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