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writes: I just want to let everyone know that I have been on this site for at least 4 years and its been the best site from heaven....I have been troubled by my broken marriage and have a hard time putting things together ....how do you people do it ...just sit down and write advice...for people with broken hearts ..and other problems in thier lives...your all a bunch of angels.....how do you get the inner strength ...I want to know..... Reply to this Question
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reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 We benefit from helping others. Sometimes it's harder to solve our own problems because we're too close to them. Assisting someone else with theirs can give us a new perspective of our own.
It is also very empowering to be the one giving and helping as opposed to only receiving help.
When people give us positive feedback it reminds us that we can, and perhaps do more often than we realise, make a difference in the lives of others. So thank you for posting this question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): I am not an angel either ,far from it ..For me , I think when you feel deep pain and you feel like you have been turned inside out upside down...like yourself ..you can see and feel other's pain and you can see the path they are walking on because you have also walked it. You found a way out and that leaves the word HOPE . On the other side, it is seeing the dark in us all, that we need to face if we are to know right from wrong. I know that when people deny the dark in their own nature they are running from truth and prolonging their pain with no resolve to change what may be needed. people look for excuses and justifications always blaming others and taking no responsibility for their part in the play.. Compassion i often found from strangers in my life, they had no attachment to any of my problems ,no hidden agendas, so they had a clear vision of a possible way forward. They may have had the same experience or not but they could see in me, what i could not or would not accept. I had a 'devil may care' attitude when growing up and life kept hitting me harder and harder until i listened. I learned that we run to survive from ourselves and others, but if you stay and face any fears/problems you have you can come through many things. So my slant on any advice i give is always face the truth especially when it's about oneself good or bad it's the only way forward...We get our inner strength the same way as you, by surviving and telling the tale. I hope your pain is easing and you are remembering to be good to you ,enjoying life and every adventure it offers. spunky monkey
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reader, thisonestaken +, writes (6 September 2011):
am i allowed to answer this? lol what comes to mind first for me is, at some of the worst times in my life, there was noone there to help...how i wished someone would come along and say "hey youre worth it, lets get you up and dust you off" and extend a hand. BUT, there have been many times that people have passed through my life with just a word or phrase that shone the lightbulb, people that were merely "around" me helped, the smallest of gestures, a smile, a compliment, all these things mean so much. why do we do it? because we're human (well some of us are lol) because we care, because weve been there, because we have hearts, we can relate, we are mothers, myself as a woman, it is not in my nature to walk past a crying baby, to help someone up if theyve fallen, its instinct. and its empathy. one of the most memorable turning points in my life was when i ended up homeless. i slept clutching my baby on the dining room floor in a house where i wasnt even wanted, praying that my head would stop spinning with fear and confusion. praying that he wouldnt come and take our lives.and it was one person that came along and said this "why are you angry at him? you should feel sorry for him" a lightbulb went on. it wasnt me that was the "weak" one, i fought my way out. it wasnt me that had to live my life in a dark hole, i had freedom. it wasnt me that had to scare others and treat them poorly to make myself feel better....i HAD love in my heart, i cried at the thought of someone who doesnt. i came back from that experience with appreciation for life and a deep acknowledgement of empathy. noone deserves to be alone in hard times or despair. i have the love to give and i share it
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reader, RedAthena  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 What a beautiful question!
For myself it is because during the hardest times of my life (Health Crises, death of a parent, divorce, parenting issues, etc...) I was given a lot of good advice that I put into practice. I know these people could relate to me by their own pain and wanted to offer compassion and guidance.
They would remind me that my troubles were temporary and there were things I could change or accept.
Like Betty said, it is a pleasure to offer someone a word that may help them think about their situation differently.
However, I do know that I can be percieved as blunt and cold. I just cut to the chase and get to the point. I have compassion for painful circumstances, but I also want to point people to the person that has the most influence in their life-themselves.
Also, I know that I could not have gotten thru my own problems without faith in God above. My greatest strengthn and peace has come from Him! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): Because I have been in many of the situations written about so hope my view will help people clarify what they need to do to feel better or move on.Not to be victims but happy well rounded people, as we all deserve that
I don't think it's anything great, just sharing my view really. Also reading others answers can give an insight into your own life or situation - there are some very wise people on here
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reader, empty-1 +, writes (6 September 2011):
I started trying to help when my own heart was broken. I'm not entirely sure if anything I've had to say has helped anyone else, but it has helped me to try. I get to share my story, a little bit at a time, as I'm ready. I get to think about situations that may be unlike my own, and in that way organize my thoughts about relationships, love, and pain in a more general way. I get to relate, on a very emotional, but nonetheless safe, anonymous level with the real pain and anguish that others are experiencing. To relate and empathize helps me not feel so alone and isolated, and thus, not so lonely. I also get to try my darnedest to give good advice to situations that do resemble mine - which is a two way street. If I give what I think to be good advice, I can then hold myself to that same advice, knowing that I expressed it from a more clear headed and principled position than I would be able to do were I just examining my own inner turmoil. In that way, this site helps me keep myself honest. A sort of emotional self accountability system.In martial art, my instructor once told me, when he gave me permission to teach certain things to others, that you cannot truly master the material without having taught it. In that realm, I found his statement to be an accurate reflection of my own experience, as I gained insight and perspective on what I was teaching that I had not previously acquired. I very much suspect this to be true of the more difficult emotional experiences we have in common as human beings.
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reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Because I have been in a bad place emotionally before, so I want to help other people see a way forward again. I don't know, answering peoples questions is also interesting for me, because it helps me to clarify my own thoughts and feelings around the many relationship issues that come up on this site. I find the inner strength because it makes me feel good and peaceful when I have given someone the best advice I can give. I enjoy it. I am an over thinker so I think deep into these things so I can write reams and reams of advice. I have to stop myself sometimes. So it is not a chore, but a pleasure to give advice. If it helps someone that is a bonus.
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reader, Ashley0112358 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 I am not one of those angels, I am however just like you, and many other people using this site, I am a human who has been hurt, confused and in need of answers.
I have received good advice from others before, and know how helpful an outside view can be, how comforting it is to know that someone has listened to your problems ans genuinely tried to help.
That is why i am here, and why i try to answer questions, because i am returning the favour so to speak.
Most the time the inner strength has came from our past experiences good and bad.
I can talk about break ups, lost friendships, family issues, because i have experienced them, and i wont let them get me down, but instead use my knowledge, pain and experiences to help others.
I'm sure, in time, when your wounds have healed, you too EUROGODDESS (from Canada) will be able to do the same thing, and support those who are going through what you already have.
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