A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hate being fingered/fingering myself and I know it's the biggest thing that turns on my bf as that's the sort of porn he watches. We have sex a lot and stuff. However, I feel this kinda pressure to finger myself for him [he doesn't ask] because I know it turns him on. I literally hate it, it does not feel nice at all. But it upsets me that I cannot be doing his number 1 turn on for him.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 The problem isn't that you dislike 'doing his number one thing', but that you're this upset about it.
Having a desire does not entitle a person to having it fulfilled, no matter how nice they are. Disappointement is not life altering. Your boyfriend won't suffer without this one thing.
If you had a favourite thing he hated doing, he simply wouldn't do it and that would be the end of it.
A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (6 September 2011):
don't do anything you don't like doing. Most guys probably have a fantasy of having anal sex, but i don;t force myself to do it so my bf is happy. You're not even sure if it;s his big turn on. You can get him going with many other ways, like wearing sexy undies, giving him a little lap dance and just teasing. It will drive him nuts. Use your imagination and only do what you are happy to do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Don't do it. You don't know if that's even his "number one" thing to turn him on. And perhaps he's got several things that turn him on, that are just as good. Most people don't have just one thing that turns them on.
If you don't like it you don't do it, that's the simple rule when it comes to sex. Your man wont be suffering.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 He doesn't ask you to do it, so don't do it. Stop putting the pressure on yourself to do it and be all things to him. This sounds tough because you want to do it for him, and you love him and that is sweet and admirable, but think of it this way: if you continue to do it you will resent him... and that will hurt this relationship.
..and it won't even be his fault because he didn't ask you to do it.
Instead, find fun things you both enjoy to do.
If everything else works in your relationship, this one thing that you don't both love is NOT going to be a deal-breaker. Besides, if he knew you were doing it and hating it, it would not turn him on.
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