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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question but don't want to go much in detail so I hope it will be enough information for a response. In every relationship there are problems. How do you decide which problems are worth getting through and which you can't handle. It is hard for me since I wonder if I made a mistake, if that particular problem wasn't the worst thing in the world in comparison to a guy cheating or lying. So do we just put up with a couple things we aren't compatible with (money, time spent together, views on female friends)or how do we decide which problems are able to get through and which are worth ending a relationship over? And don't just say love because I do love him, just a couple things I don't know if I should handle or if we are too different. Which in itself is messing me up since I have always said all you need is love. So to sum up, how do you decide if a certain problem is too much for you and love isn't enough to get past compatibility issues? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we broke up. So I guess that answers that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): When one neglects the other, ignoring them or not wanted to do things with them..if one snaps and cuts down the other everyday(abuse, which will never change or get better, ever), if one cheats more than once and gets caught or admits it.., if one breaks the other's possessions or valuables when mad, or if one likes to threaten the other alot..leave him now. If none of this goes on, and you're not worried about physical abuse ever coming into play, then stay together. PM me if you feel like explaining what things bother you and make you wonder about being together. I know very well the boundaries, and when it's worth breaking up.
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reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Yes in my experience, there are always going to be issues with a relationship long term, that you have to work on. But that's what makes it interesting! If you agreed on everything, it'd be too easy! And become dull. You need a partner who has some differences to you, that way you can learn and grow in your relationship.
It's good to agree on some things though. You just need to work out what differences you can life with, and what isses are a deal breaker. If you can live with having different opinions on money and female friends, but cant see yourself with someone who doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you'd really like, for example, then maybe it's better to move on and find someone better suited.
It's just about finding someone who you get along with on enough levels, who you love. Everyone seems great in the honeymoon phase, but once you get to know the real them you're gonna get to know their faults too. Everyone has them :)
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reader, TellMeAnything +, writes (10 March 2010):
I just wanna say you put that in words perfectly. Have been in a similar situation I understand. Little petty things such as bad habits you can help your partner break. Things that Show Red Flags.....
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reader, Strapped_Chap +, writes (9 March 2010):
did you make a mistake though? what could you have done that wasnt worse yet still make you wonder about it? i mean, nobody is 100% compatible last i checked. youre going to have differences and most of the time they really arent that bad to tell the relationship to bugger off. at least not about trivial things.
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reader, KernowWarrior  +, writes (9 March 2010):
I'v a feeling, that the fact you have posted this problem, you know the answer, deep down.
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reader, Accountable +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Weigh it up - would you rather have a future with these problems unchanged - do you think you could live with them forever - or a future without the relationship?
For instance, I am in a long-distance relationship (which I personally find very hard) and a lot of my time used to be spent missing my boyfriend intensely. However, I decided I'd rather wait it out until we could be together properly than lose him altogether, and have just found ways to deal with the problems that long-distance brings.
I dont think theres any set rule on this, good luck figuring it out! :)
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 March 2010):
You have to ask yourself one question. If nothing changed, would you see yourself with this man for the rest of your life. So if he's not spending enough time with you, can you life with that? If he cheats, can you live with that? If you argue about money, can you live with that? Ask yourself whether you can be with this person if nothing changes. If not, move on.
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